Michael Mukasey Is a Cock:
Attorney General nominee, judge, and a nearly Kerik-level enabler of Rudy Giuliani's insanity Michael Mukasey took four pages, single-spaced to demonstrate what a spineless, worthless cock he actually is. Mukasey was responding to Democrats on the Senate Judiciary Committee who wanted to know the answer to a simple "yes" or "no" question: "Is the use of waterboarding, or inducing the misperception of drowning, as an interrogation technique illegal under U.S. law, including treaty obligations?" His tortured answer ought to be taught in ethics courses on how the dick of legal obfuscation fucks to death the body of moral authority. And then sets its corpse on fire.

Under Mukasey's paradigm, waterboarding is theoretically "repugnant," but it may not be illegal by the Bush administration's interpretation of the law because he doesn't know how it's being applied. Mukasey doesn't know the "circumstances," he says, and, of course, the "circumstances" would have to be taken into consideration because, apparently, repugnant acts are legal in some "circumstances" but not in others. Hypothetical circumstances have "some limited academic appeal," Mukasey writes. So, it seems, there's circumstances when waterboarding might be okay, like maybe when you're trying to find out who outed a CIA agent.

Talking to the Senate Democrats like they're a bunch of stupid cunts, Mukasey says, "Legal opinions should treat real issues," and, see, the Bush administration has never admitted that waterboarding is used; therefore, he shouldn't have to answer. However, Mukasey does go into "a summary of the type of analysis" he would do if he was asked to review "coercive interrogation techniques" like waterboarding. Then he lays out his processes, which essentially amounts to "I would look at the laws and the treaty obligations." So, in any answer to the Democrats' question, he says that if he's approved as Attorney General, he might check into things and get back to them. In essence, he says, "I'm a cock. Lick me."

He brings his letter to a close, pissing all over the Senators, as a cock is wont to do, saying that he's not gonna give 'em an answer because, as he said, goddamnit, he doesn't know if waterboarding's being used; because if he says it's illegal, it might make interrogators sad; and because, in language straight out of the Rove playbook, "I would not want any statement of mine to provide our enemies with a window into the limits and contours of any interrogation program" because then they'd learn how to grow gills and survive the waterboarding or some such shit. Or, fuck you, Dick Durbin, et al, you just wanna make terrorists smile.

Let's bottom line this motherfucker: this specious, cretinous cock refuses to say if simulated drowning is torture because he doesn't know for sure if we're simulating drowning prisoners. Sweet circular logic. All goddamn law is theory until applied. What kind of fuckin' judge is this? Oh, that's right. The kind of judge who thinks that America's judicial system is too pussified to competently deal with terrorists, the kind of judge who wrote of our legal system, "[T]hose rules do not protect a society that must gather information about, and at least incapacitate, people who have cosmic goals that they are intent on achieving by cataclysmic means." That's some hyberbolic shit right there, Giuliani-sounding nutsiness.

Let's rewrite the question for this limp dick of a man, this wannabe toady who would be the chief law enforcement officer in the nation: Was it illegal for the Japanese to waterboard Americans in World War II? All the evidence is in there, man. Ya even got yerself some fuckin' circumstances.

Or howzabout this one: If the CIA believed your daughter had information about a terrorist organization, would you think it's legal for them to make her believe she's drowning, forcing her to gag and cough for air, in order to get that information? Even if it turned out she had no information whatsoever? Oh, wait, that's a hypothetical, an academic question, if you will, and it would require a soul to answer.

Democrats better gird their loins and smack this cock down before it hardens and gets ready to bend over Blind Justice, still sore from all those Gonzales-led fuckings.