Christopher Columbus was a genocidal maniac and con artist who didn't know where the fuck he was going when he set out on the Atlantic Ocean to find passage to China. His calculations on his journey were so wrong that Portugal told him to go fuck himself with his yardarm. Motherfucker thought until the end of his greedy, murderous, enslaving life that he had found a passage to Asia. It's not even clear that he was Italian, despite the pathetic idiots who cling to that identity; various sources say he was Portuguese and Polish or maybe Catalan and Jewish. It's pretty telling that none of these groups are trying very hard to claim him, like "No, we're good, you keep that prick." (Note: I am Italian. Fuck Columbus.)
Starting a few years ago, a number of people decided that maybe it was some fucking bullshit to have statues everywhere that honored someone who encouraged and even rewarded the slaughter and mutilation and rape and enslavement of indigenous people. So dozens of them were torn down, removed, or moved to less prominent locations, especially in the wake of Black Lives Matter protests. Bringing attention to racial injustices and bullshit tributes spread from Black people to other groups. When you hear people criticize "wokeness" (or "Woke 1," god help us), they forget that almost all of it was a valuable reassessment of how we have built a society around racism and racist symbolism. So suck all our dicks, Columbus statues.
Now that the country as a whole has shifted from approving of wokeness to now being against any of the progressive connotations of the term, and now that we're run by a cabal of dickheads who would gladly go back to forcing slaves to dig for gold for them under threat of a behanding, all of a sudden, people want their fucking Columbus statues back.
Just as you'd expect, a statue of Columbus now sits on whatever remains of the White House grounds. President Donald Trump, who always loves when he can honor a fellow rapist, has been cheering on Columbus like he's a crazed woman who wants to marry an imprisoned serial killer. In March of this year, a replica of a statue that had been tossed into the Inner Harbor in Baltimore in 2020 was plopped in front of the Eisenhower Executive Office Building like a pile of shit in human form.
Trump has for years gone all-in on sucking Columbus's dick and, by extension, the dicks of Italian-American leaders who embarrass the rest of us with their worship of both. Apparently, "the radical left communists hate Columbus and they want to abolish Columbus Day. They're still trying very hard," Trump blurbled. He claimed that he's "resurrecting Columbus," like he's Jesus with Lazarus or some shit, and he called Columbus a "hero," which is like calling Ted Bundy "an expert in sorority rooming management."
In that same speech this past week, Trump demanded that the city of Columbus, Ohio, restore the statue of their namesake that had been taken down in 2020. Then, Mayor Andrew Ginther, who is still mayor now, said that it represented "patriarchy, oppression and divisiveness" and something better should be put in its place. A recent community group report said the statue, which is in storage, should be displayed in a "community facility" with proper historical context that doesn't involve lying about what a son of a bitch he was.
The movement to restore Columbus is taking place elsewhere in the country. In Chicago, an Italian-American committee is trying to get three statues, including one in Grant Park, put back, even reaching out to Trump for help, which probably means Trump naming some random activist citizens so his idiot hordes can inundate them with doxxing and death threats. There's an ongoing battle over a statue in Syracuse, NY; that one should have been removed two years ago, but constant litigation has kept it in the center of town. The removed statue in Wilmington, Delaware, may end up returning when a move to prevent that failed at the City Council. Bridgeport, Connecticut, debated whether to put the statue back up and it looks like it will be restored. You get the idea: little battles everywhere a statue was taken down.
There's something so sad about a nation that can't give up its myths even when it's shown that the myths are bullshit, the heroes are pedophiles, and we can very much have a say here in how the Columbus clusterfuck of atrocities tale is told. It's of a piece of Trump and the nutzoid GOP's war on anything that would make white people look bad. Making people believe lies about Columbus rather than teaching them the truth about Jim Crow or migrant workers or the genocide of indigenous people is just easier than telling them the truth. "DEI" means just that: stop lying about the awful shit from our past and in our present.
One last note: the Columbus statue in Baltimore was in that city's Little Italy. In May, on the pedestal that remains, liberated from the colonizing madman that once stood there, an activist named Duane "Shorty" Davis placed a toilet. One local legislator got all upset because the local police said they weren't bothering to investigate, which seems exactly right. All the statues of Columbus should be reshaped into shitters that we can all use, especially on Indigenous Peoples' Day.