Random Observations on Another Weird Attempted "Assassination"

1. The quotation marks around "assassination" in the title are not because I believe in any of the conspiracy bullshit about the attempt by Cole Tomas Allen to kill someone at the White House Correspondents' Dinner last night. It's comforting to think that our enemies are so competent that they can stage shootings with ease any time they think it might bolster Donald Trump's low approval ratings. But always remember: the more people needed for a conspiracy means the less likely a conspiracy is real. No, the reason for implying it was a so-called assassination attempt is because Allen never got anywhere near close enough to actually attempt to kill Trump or a member of his administration. Even Trump said this. Allen made it to the metal detectors near the stairs leading to the Hilton ballroom. Besides, we live in the goddamn United States. We're never far away from someone shooting a gun. It's what we are debased enough to call "freedom."

2. However, if I were inclined towards conspiracies, it sure as fuck seems like the real reason would be to get Trump's goddamn golden ballroom/Hitler bunker built. Probably that's more "never let a crisis go to waste" than anything else. But, still, it's fucking weird how the quickly coordinated reaction on the right was that the violence meant that courts and historical preservation groups and Democrats and, well, most of the general public should back the fuck off and let the ballroom be finished. Rep. Tim Sheehy, a Republican scumfucker from Montana, said he's introducing legislation to approve the ballroom construction. They are fucking shameless. 

2a. What's the point here in saying that events like this should take place in the fortress ballroom? The WHCD is not a White House-sponsored thing. Trump was a guest of the association running the dinner. The implication is that Trump will rent out the ballroom like the White House is another one of his shitty hotels (and there's no doubt that he'd keep at least a taste of that money, if not the whole thing). The entire effort, the unrelenting push for and hype about the ballroom, is not simply unseemly. It's shady. It's skeevy. It's got grift and graft written all over it, and, you know, we're at war in a sinking economy and how the fuck is this even a thing.

2b. And fuck John Fetterman again and forever for jumping on the ballroom bandwagon. 

2c. Trump keeps saying that presidents have been wanting a giant-ass ballroom for "150 years." I don't recall any president in my lifetime mentioning it at all. Was Chester Arthur hot for one? Or Grover Cleveland, non-consecutively? And Teddy Roosevelt did whatever the fuck he wanted to the White House. If he wanted a ballroom, he'd have had one fucking well built.

2d. Maybe someone could spend a few minutes talking about how gun control would make the president and everyone else safer. Maybe spare a thought or two for all the people fucking shot and killed in mass shootings recently. Maybe think about how to make life easier for kids at schools so they don't have to worry about getting slaughtered in their classrooms. Maybe stop to consider how, in a country flooded with guns, this shit was inevitable.

3. The shooter's "manifesto" (if by "manifesto," you mean, "a friendly letter that is weirdly well thought-out") was pretty fucking clear about what he thought of Trump. He said, "I am no longer willing to permit a pedophile, rapist, and traitor to coat my hands with his crimes." And of the attendees at the dinner, "[M]ost people *chose* to attend a speech by a pedophile, rapist, and traitor, and are thus complicit." I'm not handing it to Allen or excusing his violence, but I will say that a fuck of a lot of people really and truly believe this about Trump (me included). And by the Department of Justice refusing to release the Epstein files, by refusing to name anyone else involved, by never investigating the allegations against Trump, then it's pretty easy and logical to reach the conclusion that something is being hidden. This isn't conspiracy thinking. There's tons of evidence, with witnesses and victims who have gone on the record, under oath, to law enforcement and Congress. Again, I'm not supporting violence, but, again, in a country filled to the tits with guns and people who think, not without cause, that the president is a pedophile? It's frankly surprising that there isn't more violence trying to get the answers. 

4. I'm not saying everyone who attended deserved to think they were going to die. (I'm not saying no one deserved to think that, either.) Save for the White House press pool, which is there to write about events as news, if you went to the dinner, you were taking part in a complete whitewashing of Trump's disdain for you, and, after Allen was captured, you were laughing with the targets of the shooter, taking selfies for your Instas, making dramatic TikToks about your trauma. You were giving aid and comfort to the people who want you imprisoned if you dare to speak against them. If you believe in signs that maybe you should do things differently in the future, dear, sweet, profit-driven, craven media whores and your corporate pimps, this would be it. God, don't fucking take a mulligan and try to do the dinner again.

4a. And fuck off if you're saying that Democrats and progressive media figures should "turn down the rhetoric" against Trump or whatever the fuck. Clarence Thomas recently gave a speech where he implied that progressives should be killed or kicked out of the country. Stephen Miller regularly rails against Americans who oppose the administration, calling them "traitors" and implying they need to be executed. Trump and his cabal of crypto cons and cockscabs are murdering people without trial, imprisoning families for months for no reason, trying to strip Americans of citizenship, murdering protesters, and threatening genocide. It's impossible to reach that level of actual violence with rhetoric. 

4b. Man, that was a shitty mentalist.

5. As Will Bunch wrote, this is our country now. We are so numb to gun violence that we roll our eyes at someone even getting somewhat close to being able to make an assassination attempt. We are numb to the constant barrage of hatefulness. We are so bereft of anything approaching a unifying leader that the media is willing to treat Trump with kid gloves if he pretends for a few minutes to not be an inflamed asshole. In the two days prior to last night's events, Trump made racist attacks on Hakeem Jeffries and Candace Owen, reposted calls for Hillary Clinton and Barack Obama to be arrested, celebrated committing more war crimes, and that's just to start. We don't have to pretend that a motherfucker isn't a motherfucker just because someone wanted to kill him. 

A Short Exegesis on Jesus Trump

We can tell a great deal about President Donald Trump from the "art" he hangs on his walls or posts on social media. Mostly, what it says is "I have absolutely no taste, and if you put my face on it, it's awesome." His recent repost, later deleted, was, as I'm sure you've seen by now, an AI-generated image featuring Trump as Jesus Christ, ostensibly there to heal someone who looks like Jeffrey Epstein but probably is not Jeffrey Epstein because you wouldn't heal someone you had killed. Then you have to kill them all over again and who knows if you can get the timing of the cameras being off just right a second time.

Yes, this upset many "Christians," who apparently had no issue with an adulterer and rapist who shits on the poor until he defiled the image of Christ, which is totally how Jesus would have reacted. But this image deserves a bit more discussion before it gets flushed down the memory hole, and, unfortunately, that means I need to post it.

As with most things Trump, this is really about his dick. Or, more precisely, this is about his semen, or, in this case, his Jesus jizz. Trump is obviously ejaculating - that's the burst of light coming from his groin area - and he's cumming on the head of the elderly man because nothing gives him more pleasure than watching people die. In fact, Trump's rubbing the jizz into the man's head not because he think it will comfort the man, but because Trump thinks it's hilarious to get some spunk on the dude. Notice the little smile. Trump's left hand holds some extra semen, likely because he accidentally brushed his hand against his cock during orgasm and he's wondering where to wipe it. Probably the soldier because Trump thinks that will show how much he supports the troops.

The two females on the sides stare at his prick, the one on the left looking concerned, as if she recognizes that it's probably not good for the urethra to spew glowing jizz. The one on the right, in the nurse's uniform, looks unfazed. As a medical professional, she has seen all kinds of jizz. However, the age of the two females is concerning. Both definitely look like teenagers. The nurse seems 13 and the praying girl seems 16, both well within Trump's age range for sexually abusing children. 

In fact, one way to see this image is as a representation of Trump's sex crimes, with the men looking on in quiet awe and appreciation because they themselves wish to fuck underage girls. The white-bearded man with a hat that says, "Petunia" is ready to drink more Trump cum because he's downed so much of it already the last ten years. Now, the heavenly figures could be seen as Democrats pursuing him, but you'd think even AI would know that demons come from hell. No, I think the floating men in outfits ranging from dimestore devil to early 20th-century diver actually represent right-wing media giving approval for Trump jizzing on an old man and making girls on their knees watch his dick. 

As for the fireworks and eagles and jets, those were sent out by Stephen Miller in order to announce a Trump orgasm. If Trump had his way, it would be a national holiday every time he achieved one, but since he can't just declare that (yet), he has free rein to make the military scramble some fighters. Those aren't chemtrails. They're cumtrails.

So, frankly, I was shocked when Trump gave in to demands by Mike Johnson and others to take down the image. What more perfect way is there to represent how he sees himself and how most of the MAGA cretins see him, even if some are mildly protesting. Most, by the way, are saying you can't take a joke if you find this offensive. They worship him. He may as well cut out the other savior.

Now, if they follow through on the rest of the Jesus stuff, that'll be worth orgasming over.

It Should Be a Bigger Story That the President of the United States Is Fucking Insane

I have the feeling we'll remember where we were when we saw or heard about rapist and President Donald Trump's Easter morning dropping in his Truth Toilet. I saw it embedded as an image on BlueSky and my first thought was "No way that's real." So I went over to Truth Toilet, where I maintain a secret stall to spy on the bastards, and, as we know now, I saw that, yup, that shit was real. Here's what it said, in case you didn't see it in all its glory (and I won't link to it because fuck Truth Toilet): "Tuesday will be Power Plant Day, and Bridge Day, all wrapped up in one, in Iran. There will be nothing like it!!! Open the Fuckin’ Strait, you crazy bastards, or you’ll be living in Hell - JUST WATCH! Praise be to Allah. President DONALD J. TRUMP"

Now, yes, this is a threat of war crimes to force Iran to allow cargo ships and oil tankers through the Strait of Hormuz without being attacked, something that wasn't an issue until the United States started bombing Iran. But look at the psychopathic rage there from Trump (or whoever was writing this for him, but it's posted in his name, so, fuck it, yeah, Trump). You can see him wailing and gnashing about his stupid, worthless war not going the way he was told it would go by those hanging onto the hairs on his nutsack, like savage racist moron Pete Hegseth and evil, greedy worm Jared Kushner. And then to end it with "Praise be to Allah"? Putting aside that it's fucking Easter, one of the holiest days in his supposed Christian faith, it just seems like an extra dickish thing to add after saying he's going to mass murder Muslims and then force those not killed to live in misery. 

Look, we know that Trump is an extravagant, inveterate, unapologetic liar. We also know that he's a giant piece of shit, a miserable fuck who treats everyone as terrible as he feels. But liars and pieces of shit at least have one foot in reality. The real key to understanding how and why we are where we are as a nation (and as a world) is to acknowledge that Trump is fucking insane and to demand more reporting on that fact. Instead, we get some combination of glossing over his madness, dismissing it as just his personality, and rolling one's eyes as if he's a child. None of these reactions has ever worked, and his madness has gotten worse. 

Let's not go through all the ways and times that Trump has acted or expressed something insane. That would be like going through a porn star's oeuvre to see all the places he has jizzed on another human being. Just accept that it's everywhere and move on to the next point.  Instead, let's focus in on that last line there, the "Praise be to Allah," and not for the weird slide into Islam's DMs. 

As his war failure (and let's be clear: the war is a failure and was always going to be a failure) causes him to spiral, as events that he has no control over once again take over his administration (like Covid in his first cursed term), he has gotten more and more freaky about spouting religious shit, desperately humping Jesus for clout with the evangelicals and support from the crazed Christian nationalists who have turned this shambles into a Holy War. On Saturday, for instance, he ended one Truth Toilet dropping about blowing up Iran with "Glory be to GOD!" which is just embarrassing and weird on top of being worrying. 

Meanwhile, at a Holy Week event, he gave a speech that wasn't supposed to be posted and kept making comparisons between himself and Jesus and random religious shit. "On Palm Sunday, Jesus entered Jerusalem as crowds welcomed him with praise, honoring him as king. They call me king now, do you believe it? No, king. I'm such a king I can't get a ballroom approved," he said, interrupting the build up to the crucifixion. He continued, "And Thursday, the disciples gathered with Jesus as their teacher and stood in fear as he was arrested and betrayed. He was really betrayed. We know the feeling. Many of the people in this room know that feeling. Many of the people in this room went through hell." In case you're keeping track, Trump's saying that the legal difficulties of the pedophiles and thieves gathered for lunch are analogous to Christ's torture.

Then he started to riff, saying, "I've often said that to be a great nation, you have to have religion. I believe that's so strongly. You have to have religion and you have to have God. That's why this Easter we are bringing back religion to America. We have when I started, you know, if you think about it so we went through four years of purgatory." After a few minutes of this, after comparing the supposed growth of Christianity to the growth in Nvidia stocks, after blathering about how he brought back Christmas when no one was talking about Christmas anymore, he shifted to trans women in sports and imitated a trans woman boxing and mocked other trans women and, no, really, this fucking happened. 

Donald Trump is a fundamentally broken man. He was never stable or sane, and his need for wealth and desire to wield his power have taken on a mania. Like so many broken men in leadership before, he believes he is the thing that he's leading. He sees himself as the United States, that what's good for him is what's good for Americans, and that if you claim otherwise, you are his enemy and the country's enemy and the country needs to destroy you. But on top of that, he might really believe (and he is told this repeatedly by the deranged and/or grifting religious leaders who surround him and lay hands on him) that he is God's instrument on earth and that everything he does is sanctified through his connection to an invisible sky wizard who looked out for him to prevent him from being assassinated. No, I don't think Trump's a religious zealot. But he has said he's worried about his soul after death, and that's driven him even crazier as he seems to actually be thinking about whether or not he's going to Hell (and, to be sure, for those of us who are atheists, this is all psycho shit). Or who knows what he's really thinking? That's what it means to have such severe mental decay, to be delusional on top of being narcissistic. 

This is unsustainable. Democrats need to be asking every day why Republicans won't remove him from office. Fuck it - come at it from a compassionate direction: Why won't they make an obviously sick and crazed man get help? Don't Republicans care about him? The president of the United States, who is threatening an apocalypse against a country that didn't attack us or even legitimately threaten us, is fucking insane. The world demands that that be the biggest goddamn story anywhere. The nation needs leaders to make it end before he sits in his ballroom bunker and blows the whole goddamn earth up. He never should have been president. That he is is a crime against humanity. That he could be removed and isn't is an epic tragedy.