I Haven't Disappeared

I know shit's been non-existent the last couple of weeks, but I've been in the UK (and continue to be) for some personal time. I'll have something up in the next day or two. 

Until then, enjoy this Liverpool road warning.


An Observation on the Nature of Extremist Fucknuts at the January 6 Committee Hearing

One thing that jumped out at me while watching Tuesday's televised hearing from the January 6 Committee into the insurrection of fucking idiots, which came closer than we want to believe to actually working, is how the extremists coming to DC on that cold day didn't emerge from a vacuum. No, in fact, it was the action, or, really, the inaction of the federal government on another uprising that gave the idiot hordes the confidence to go full overthrow. Jason Van Tatenhove, former member of the Oath Keepers (motto: "If this whole beach was completely covered in dicks, and somebody said I had to eat every dick until the beach was clean for liberty, I would say, 'No problemo!'"), pointed very clearly to an event from 2014 that helped inspire motherfuckers to start fucking more mothers all the way to the Capitol. 

Van Tatenhove said, "My time with the Oath Keepers began back at Bundy Ranch with that first standoff when I went to cover them as an independent journalist." He was talking about the ludicrous standoff between a Nevada rancher, Cliven Bundy, and the federal government over grazing fees on federal land that Bundy refused to pay for his cattle. So the government seized his cattle, and, with an assist from uber-fucknut Alex Jones, the Oath Keepers and hundreds, maybe thousands, of other armed dickheads showed up to "defend" Bundy.  

As things went on, "The standoff grew increasingly volatile over several days, with federal agents deploying dogs and stun guns, and rifle-carrying militia members taking sniper-like positions on an overpass overlooking the area. Fearing a bloodbath, federal authorities ultimately backed down and released the cattle." They also pulled out of the whole conflict, preferring to try to get the money from him through every fucking way they had already tried. 

That backing down gave these dickheads delusions of grandeur. In a press conference after, Oath Keepers founder Stewart Rhodes, not wearing an eye patch, said, that the standoff was "a significant watershed moment" and praised the militias and the Bundy clan for an "armed effort" to face off against the federal government. The Oath Keepers released a video that said the standoff was "the first time in our country's recent history that good Americans stood up and said, 'We're not going to let this happen on our watch.'"

Elaborating on a statement about the country being "lucky" shit hasn't gotten more violent, Van Tatenhove told the congressional committee and the rest of the country, "I think as far as the luck goes, we've had the potential from Bundy Ranch on, I mean, being boots on the ground at these standoffs and they were standoffs where there were firearms pointed across lines at federal law enforcement agencies, you know, whatever it may be with that particular standoff. But I do -- I think we've gotten exceedingly lucky that more bloodshed did not happen because the potential has been there from the start." 

Bundy and his shitty family and the assorted extremist dickheads refused to recognize the authority of the Bureau of Land Management and the federal government. He owed the country a million bucks in unpaid fees and penalties. When the BLM decided to say, "Fuck this shit," they let, as then-Nevada Senator Harry Reid said, "domestic terrorists" off the hook. "They had sniper rifles on the freeway. They had assault weapons. They had automatic weapons," Reid said, all in service of someone who didn't wanna pay for his shit. They were ready to murder BLM agents and others. They should have all been rounded up and dragged off to jail. But it was fear of violence and escalation that caused the retreat by the BLM. And the end result of that retreat was more violence and escalation, including at the Malheur National Wildlife Refuge two years later. One could also argue that the failure to arrest the violent thugs in Nevada led directly to the Las Vegas mass shooting a month later. The shooter had been at Bundy's ranch, inspired by the way the dickheads faced down the feds and won. And, obviously, January 6 can be tied to the sense of empowerment the Bundy ranch "victory" gave the dickheads.

Tattooed, denim jacket and Descendants t-shirt-wearing Van Tatenhove said he fully believes that there will be violence in 2024: "I do fear for this next election cycle because who knows what that might bring if a president that's willing to try to instill and encourage to whip up a Civil War amongst his followers using lies and deceit and snake oil, regardless of the human impact, what else is he going to do if he gets elected again. All bets are off at that point. And that's a scary notion." Of course, he's talking about armed dickheads, but he's also talking about Trump and other leaders of this extremist bullshit. He offered clear advice: "I have three daughters. I have a granddaughter, and I fear for the world that they will inherit if we do not start holding these people to account."

When motherfuckers wanna fuck mothers, you gotta shut that shit down or motherfuckers will just think they can keep fucking mothers without consequences. They'll fuck more mothers because there is no price to pay for motherfucking. You don't coddle insurrectionists. 

We are long past time where those in charge need to be punished. We're running out of time to be able to do that. Don't walk away from the goddamn standoff again.


This Fucking Shirt (Updated)

I wanna talk about this fucking shirt I saw today. I was at the Jersey Shore (yeah, your jokes are right and wrong, depending on the beach) for a little sunshine and wandered into a local diner for lunch. Sitting at the counter was a dude in this fucking shirt: 

First off, fuck this guy. I don't know a goddamn thing about him except he was wearing this shirt and camo shorts. He might be a hero firefighter. He might be a saint to dogs and children. I don't fucking care. Fuck. This. Guy. Besides, he ended up talking to another guy who had an unlit big cock-sized cigar in his stupid round face. So I'm pretty sure they're both just wretched human beings. And even if not, fuck this guy. 

But I gotta talk about this fucking shirt. Look at it in detail there. Sure, you notice the words instantly: "I will not comply," obviously meaning, "I'll fight you if you try to take muh guns." What a pussy-ass thing to say because it's pretty fucking clear that no one is going to take away his guns. That's like saying, "I will drive-thru McDonald's" like you're defying God and the universe to stop you. No, motherfucker. No one is hindering you unless you fucking drive into the front door of the McDonald's. Then you might be shit out of luck on nuggets. Might be.

So, yeah, the words are bullshit. But it's the picture that pisses me off. That's a fucking skeleton version of the Statue of Liberty, one of the most non-violent symbols in this entire shabby, savage country. And not only that, but Liberty's eye sockets have sights or gun barrels coming out of them.

The fuck does that even mean? Does Skeleton Liberty scream in horrific pain whenever she fires eyeball bullets from the sockets? Jesus fuck, that's a nightmare. 

And then she's holding an assault rifle (fuck you, I don't care what the definition is) in her bone fingers. Is she gonna stone cold murder the tired, the poor, and the huddled masses, yearning to be free? Because it sure as shit seems like she is, and that means that the people who made this fucking shirt and the people who wear this fucking shirt know fuck-all about the Statue of Liberty or American history.

Wait, here's a better view:

It's from a company of cockscabs known as Shield Republic, and those cockscabs sell lots of merch so you can get your January 6 on all fuckin' year.  There's antivax shit, "Let's Go Brandon" shit, own-the-libs shit, and more gun-related shit than you can jack off to for the rest of the decade. 

But fuck all that. I want to talk about this fucking shirt. And the fucking tools who wear this fucking shirt, like our fucknut up top. What gets me is how fucking stupid they are. I could design a t-shirt with Jesus reaming his own ass with a crucifix made of dildos while jizzing on an American flag and have it say, "Your fake god can go fuck himself," but why? 

I'll say this: Jizzing dildo Jesus is a hell of a lot smarter image than this dumbfuckery. Skull Gunface is just goddamn stupid, to be sure. But on the left, we wouldn't bother with this kind of idiocy because it's just so masturbatory and worthless. It's so fucking smug, rubbing people's faces with something that you think is edgy but is really simply demonstrating that you probably gave a ton of your hard-earned money to alleged billionaire Donald Trump, and that makes you a complete dumb fuck. 

I mean, seriously, they put "Death List" on top of their death list. Was that so they wouldn't confuse it with the groceries? "Hmm, do I kill Nancy Pelosi or Rice Krispies?" It's embarrassing that these morons are actually a threat to the nation. We deserve a better quality of nemesis.

Mainly, though, fuck that fucking guy in this fucking shirt.

Not very important update/correction: Several people have pointed out those aren't gun barrels on Death Liberty. It's the optical tubes on night vision goggles (that apparently cost $40k to law enforcement agencies because freedom). As one reader tweets, "So, she's not only shooting the huddled masses...she's hunting them at night for sport," adding, correctly, "Fuck that guy."


The Supreme Court Tells the 21st Century to Go Fuck Itself

This session, the newly-ripened conservative supermajority of the Supreme Court of the United States decided it was time to lift up their robes and piss on the 21st century and reality. The half-dozen justices, John Roberts, Clarence Thomas, Samuel Alito, Neil Gorsuch, Brett Kavanaugh, and Amy Coney Barrett, looked out at a nation, no, a world that demands progress, that demands care, that demands a government that can act to help people, and said, "Nah. Fuck that." And their reasoning essentially came down to, in every case, "Because we can."

We have a gun crisis in this country. The Supreme Court said that the only thing that mattered was that more people have easier access to guns. We have a policing crisis in this country. The Supreme Court said that it's more important to protect cops from being sued or charged with crimes and that you don't need to worry about being told your Miranda rights anymore. We have an ongoing pandemic that has killed over a million people in this country. The Supreme Court said that public safety takes a back seat to whatever stupid bullshit makes people decide not to get a vaccine. We have an electoral crisis in this country. The Supreme Court said that gerrymandering away fair representation is a-okay. 

And then the Court decided, in two cases, that the whole separation of church and state wasn't real because Christians need to have group prayers at school and schools that discriminate against LGBT people need to get our tax dollars. The former one there is where Gorsuch, lying about the facts of the case, told students who feel pressured into praying to suck it up, which would probably get him a cane up his ass from Benjamin Franklin, which would be some actual originalism.

And then the Court decided that a fetus has more rights than the woman it's attached to, and so fuck 50 years of Roe v. Wade. It's time to turn that motherfucking clock back to the 1950s. Alito insisted that Roe was the cause of chaos because anti-choicers were sad about it, and he used as an excuse, among others, that states had anti-abortion laws 150 years ago, which is so fucking dumb that it boggles the goddamn mind. It didn't matter that the Court, in throwing it back to the states, created two different legal statuses for women and girls in the country. It didn't matter that the Court created two different countries, essentially, if not 50 different ones. "We can do this, so we will," they said, "because fuck you, liberals." Which, to be fair, makes more sense than anything in the goddamn decision.

And then the Court decided that, despite a climate emergency that will wreck the earth, the Environmental Protection Agency really can't protect the environment, even though the statue that established it said that it explicitly could. In the case over setting standards for systems to reduce emissions at power plants and elsewhere, Roberts wrote, "Yeah, I don't like that so here's a thing I made up to overturn it and eat shit because these other five crazy pricks will go along with me. Just be grateful we didn't completely outlaw the EPA." So, yeah, enjoy that "air" and "water" while you can.

Hell, I haven't even mentioned the fucking over of tribal sovereignty for indigenous people or the cases that fucked over habeas rights. And this isn't getting into the fact that the Court has decided to hear a case that will essentially give state legislatures the right to overturn elections if they feel like it. In other words, yeah, you should totally vote to change things, but the Supreme Court is gonna make sure that your vote only matters if you're conservative, because, clearly, those are the only real Americans.

A lawyer friend of mine said to me after the Dobbs decision on abortion rights, "I'm fucking scared to death because those justices decided that precedent doesn't matter anymore. And if once you decide that, you can do whatever you want and justify it in whatever bullshit way you want." Which is as accurate a way to describe the damage that has been done. 

I have this image in my head that I can't get rid of. It's when the first woman dies because she attempted to give herself an abortion in one of the states that outlawed it, like Louisiana, and caused massive internal bleeding. I picture the corpse being delivered to the Supreme Court, to the chambers of Samuel Alito. When the corpse arrives, Alito invites the other four justices who voted with him on Dobbs to join him. And then they take turns fucking the corpse in front of each other, Alito first because he wrote the majority opinion and then Thomas because he wants to use this woman's corpse as a way to undermine the rest of modernity and then Gorsuch because he got onto the Court only through Mitch McConnell telling fairness and comity to get the fuck out of the Senate and then Kavanaugh gets sloppy fourths because he's still just a beer-drinking asshole who lied to senators faces about what he really believed about Roe. Finally, they all gather round and cheer on Barrett as she fucks the corpse's face until she orgasms, high-fiving one another when she's done. They're not ashamed of what they did, but they know they have to head to church to confess and be absolved of their sins, like good Catholics and pseudo-Catholics. And on the way out, Thomas places a single one of his pubic hairs on the woman's forehead.

That's really fucked up, yeah, but so is the nation that the Supreme Court wants us to live in. And Democrats need to recognize how much worse things are getting. Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez and Elizabeth Warren have been leading on this by calling out the Court and not pretending that it is above political attack. That's the direction to go in. Make reforming the Court, whether through more justices or more regulations (which the Constitution allows Congress to do). Congress should act like it's co-equal.

Now is not the time for rational, calm responses that consider all sides. Fuck that. This is a five-alarm freakout because the cruelest states are already teeing up laws to prevent women from traveling to another state for an abortion, as well as outlawing abortion-inducing prescription drugs. They're even coming up with ways to make information about getting an abortion elsewhere illegal. And if you think for one fucking second that the Christian Taliban (which, yes, is a good messaging phrase) justices who shitcanned the Establishment Clause will all of a sudden uphold the First Amendment, you need to fucking get out of the political arena. 

This Court has put it all on the table, all that it wants to undermine in this country. We're heading into an Independence Day that feels sarcastically named in the no-longer United States. The time for fake moderation is over. The majority of the nation backs all the things the supposed "extreme left" wants (because it's not extreme at all). Now, Democrats need to back it fully, and with full voice, as we head towards the midterms with a desperate hope we can stop the country from being murdered by the right.