Two Days After Mueller's Statement, the Path Is Clearer Than Ever

There's one thing that the Democratic Party doesn't get. It's something that individual Democrats understand quite well and they reap the rewards from it. And it goes like this: People want to follow fighters. You can add to that: The fight needs to be absolutely clear. That can be policy based, as in Medicare for All or, if you're a fucking lying prickscab, "Mexico will pay for the wall." But it can also be tactical.

See, Democrats can have all the hearings they want. They can have all the subpoena fights the judicial system can handle. A dozen committees and subcommittees can have witnesses and experts testify about the criminality of the Trump administration. But no one is gonna give a single shit about those things except all the assholes who are constantly checking Twitter to see who "destroyed" who in a 3-minute video. (Note: Yeah, I'm one of those assholes, and it has made me seek the comfort of vicodin and vodka, a V&V cocktail that can straight murder you if you're not careful.)

What people can get their heads around is a single, simple concept: impeachment. It crystallizes all that other shit into a concept that is analogous to "fight." As in, "Holy Christ, Democrats are finally gonna stop being such punk-ass bitches and actually fight this dumb orange motherfucker who is wrecking the joint. About fuckin' time."

I fucking guarantee that as soon as an impeachment inquiry is opened, Democrats will be jizzing themselves so hard that they'll do anything to keep that orgasm going. The excitement it would elicit in the left and a good deal of the center would be akin to a surfer hitting the barrel of a wave just right. Jesus, what a feeling. I fucking guarantee that polling on support for impeachment would go up immediately. That's why it's called "leadership." You go first and others follow. And the right would lose its fucking mind, which would be as delicious as eating whipped cream off an angel's nipple.

Look, there is only one rational conclusion to draw from Special Counsel and not-the-hero-we-needed Robert Mueller's weird statement on Wednesday. I say "weird" because it could seem like he was just casting some bones and telling us to read their prophecies. And he delivered it in a nervous, exhausted tone that said he just wanted to go fishing already. But, still, what he was saying was pretty fuckin' clear: Russia interfered in our elections, and, holy fuckballs, why aren't we doing anything about that? And President Donald Trump sure as shit obstructed the investigation.

I mean, seriously, you have to be willingly obfuscating or so slobberingly brainwashed that you eat and shit MAGA to misunderstand Mueller. Or you have to be guilty. "[I]f we had had confidence that the president clearly did not commit a crime," Mueller said, "we would have said so." And then in the very next part, he said why he couldn't therefore say the president did commit a crime: because of the bullshit Department of Justice memorandum. In other words, the president committed a crime, and so did a lot of others. But he can't just say that.

Why didn't Mueller say, "Fuck it. Impeach the motherfucker already"? Because I fucking promise you they would have punished him. They'd have taken away his pension or some such shit because he violated DOJ policy. It would have been a battle. No matter what globular Attorney General and Man Most Likely to Be Trump's Footrest William Barr says now about how Mueller could have indicted Trump, if Mueller had, they would have done everything in their cynical, foul power to wreck him because that's what they do.

The other thing is that Mueller is a Republican, and he likely honestly believed that Republicans would do the right thing because, and it can't be said enough, the motherfucking Russians interfered in our election to harm one specific candidate, Hillary Clinton, and get another specific candidate, Donald Trump, elected. If Mueller has faith in the GOP to act honorably, then that is his tragic flaw.

But let's return for one moment to the findings of the Special Counsel's investigation. Mueller stated in no uncertain terms, as directly as we would have hoped he could have been on Trump, that they found clear evidence of Russian interference, which led to multiple indictments. That means your vote was manipulated by lies that were amplified by Trump and his campaign. You can lie to yourself and say that Trump didn't "collude" (or, to use the legal term, "conspire") with the Russians, but there is no hedging on the fact that Trump and his goons and lackeys gladly touted the information that was stolen from the Democrats and all the false allegations against Hillary Clinton.  Are you good with that? Are you okay with a foreign government using, well, fake news to make you want to vote a certain way? Or perhaps even just hack into voting machines and change your vote?

See, Democrats don't have to go after Trump for conspiring. They can go after his refusal to acknowledge that Russia did what our own investigations say it did. They can go after his refusal to get behind the efforts to protect the vote. They can go after his disturbing faith in Vladimir Putin. In other words, they can go after Trump for dereliction of duty, for violating his oath of office, and for being such an egomaniacal prick that the legitimacy of his election is more important than the legitimacy of our entire democratic system.

Impeachment would tie together so many threads for Americans. And, goddamnit, Mueller should testify before a House committee because we're not a reading people in the USA. Hell, just having Mueller repeat shit like a live podcast of his report would probably do more to turn the tide against Trump than all the printed words they can muster. (And he could answer whether or not he wanted the FBI post that Trump says he wanted.)

And Democrats better do this shit soon because Trump is listening to some nutzoid ratfuckers on this. Not only did he say in his mad rant yesterday that a court wouldn't "allow" impeachment (the Supreme Court has nothing to do with it until the trial in the Senate after impeachment, where the Chief Justice presides), he said to reporters, "Someday, you ought to read a thing called Article 2.  Read Article 2, which gives the President powers that you wouldn’t believe.  But I don’t even have to rely on Article 2."

Yeah, you can try to stop him now with impeachment or you can wait until he comes up with a pretext to shitcan the Congress while Republicans totally agree they should give him all the power.


The Problem Is That Mitch McConnell Doesn't Give a Fuck About Ethics, Morality, or Law While Democrats Do

You can't understand the Devil until the Devil shows you his works. Oh, you may think you grasp what the Devil is capable of; you think it's all just monstrous acts of sharp object sodomy and the extravagant, cruel lies the Devil uses to justify his devilish fuckery. But what most people don't understand until they see the Devil in action is that it's far, far worse when the Devil abandons lies and gives you the truth. Then you look in the face of an honest Devil and you are utterly lost because you knew what was true. You just didn't think the Devil would grin so broadly when he told it to you.

The reason that Democrats seem so hapless in the face of Republican savagery is that Democrats don't grasp the depth of the moral and ethical void in the center of the GOP. They keep telling themselves that Lucifer was once an angel and he can be one again, ignoring that Lucifer doesn't fuckin' want to go back to boring ol' Heaven. They cling to this pathetic hope like a log in a flood, except they ignore the snake on the log that has no problem biting them to death.

Today, malevolent dry turd Mitch McConnell, who is the goddamn Senate Majority Leader, was at a luncheon at the Chamber of Commerce of Paducah, Kentucky (motto: "Sure, we're filthy with heroin and racism, but we have a quilting museum!"). He was asked, "Should a Supreme Court justice die next year, what will your position be on filling that spot?" See, this is a reference to 2016, when Justice Antonin Scalia died and McConnell declared that the seat shouldn't be filled until after the presidential election so "the people could decide" or whatever fucking excuse he used. Next year will be another presidential election, and I think you know where this is going.

Here's his response: "The leader took a long sip of what appeared to be iced tea before announcing with a smile, 'Oh, we'd fill it,' triggering loud laughter from the audience." Oh, man, that's hilarious. See, he doesn't have any principles. He doesn't give a happy monkey fuck about hypocrisy. All he cares about is winning, fuck everything else. He took joy in saying that shit. It's just so funny.

That a giant hand didn't descend from the sky and squeeze McConnell until he popped like a fat bullfrog under a steamroller is absolute proof that there is no God.

You can't beat Machiavelli by quoting Thich Nhat Hanh. You can't reason with a pack of gabbling hyenas who are tearing up a gazelle by offering them etiquette lessons. Yet that's what Democrats are trying to do with their seeming acquiescence to Republicans when it comes to impeachment. They keep waiting for the political equivalent of Bigfoot to come along: a group of Republicans who will publicly oppose Trump. But that big fucker is never gonna be found.

Look, at this point, Republicans are too far in with Trump. They have more reason to keep him afloat than to put him in cement shoes that they are chained to. With all the shit they've let Trump get away with so far, why bother stopping him now? It's like they all committed a bank robbery; they emptied the safes and shot all the hostages. They're standing there covered in blood, with cash falling out of their pockets. If their leader says, "Ok, let's burn down the bank," well, why get a conscience now? They'll just start setting fire to shit.

McConnell didn't give a fuck about how his reversal on whatever ludicrous principle he pretended to have seemed. He didn't give a fuck about how it seemed when he refused Merrick Garland a hearing and vote. He didn't give a fuck because it's about the win, not how you get it. He didn't give a fuck because the Devil doesn't give a fuck.

And people respond to the win. That's how we got Trump in the first place. More on that and how it applies to impeachment later this week.


A Poem for Memorial Day

"Six Marines in the Picture"
by Cloy Richards

6 Marines
3 standing tall and proud in the foreground
3 crouching in the foreground
6 Marines posing in Fallujah, supposedly the "Graveyard of Americans"
6 young, strong men with battle hardened countenances
6 marines in great health posing with rifles, deep in enemy territory
How brave they look, how American.
They can go to any country in the world, kick ass and take pictures to show
the folks back home what their tax dollars are paying for.
That picture of my buddies and I, is forever in my mind, yet slightly changed

Private Perez was killed by a car bomber at a vehicle check point.
There's only 5 Marines in the picture now.

Sergeant Silva lost the use of his left leg after a rocket attack and now is
addicted to painkillers and booze.
There's only 4 Marines in the picture now.

Lance Corporal Dubois joined the Marines to help conquer his heroin addiction.
After 3 years clean and sober, he came home from Iraq a broken man,
and turned back to heroin.

He overdosed two months after we got back
There's only 3 Marines in the picture now.

Corporal Allen's stress and emotional problems got the better of him
and he started beating his wife and children.
2 years after Iraq he's in prison, without a family.
There's only 2 Marines in the picture now.

Private First Class Anderson got dishonorably discharged for drug use
5 months after we came home.  Rather than turn to his family for help,
he wanders the streets of southern California, begging for money, food, work.

There's one Marine left in the picture now, and it's me.
Am I still alive?
I might be physically breathing, but I'm dying inside.
So really there aren't any Marines in that picture
and without those Marines it's just a picture of a shattered city
in a devastated country.

(This poem comes from Warrior Writers, a non-profit organization that teaches and gives space for veterans to write and create art about their experiences. You can donate here.)


Nancy Pelosi Is Skullfucking Trump and It's Making Him Crazier

I've said it before and I'll say it again: When Nancy Pelosi belts up the strap-on, it's just a matter of time before someone's screaming. She rode serial molester Dennis Hastert like a monkey on an elephant. She made George W. Bush beg for more ass reaming. And now she's locked and loaded the extra-large dildo, the one shaped like a tentacle, and she's skullfucking Donald J. Trump. She's thrusting that footlong right into his eyehole, tickling his brain, and driving him completely mad. He is pretty much shouting at her to stop, but she won't. She'll just keep skullfucking until he begs her to stop or she goes right through the back of his pumpkin head.

You can watch it happen in real time on video of an event yesterday where Trump was supposed to be announcing more socialism for farmers, $16 billion to farms affected by his idiotic trade war with China. Where's that money coming from? "This support for farmers will be paid for by the billions of dollars our Treasury takes in," he reassured. No shit, motherfucker. So does everything we spend money on. But in that precious way of stating the obvious, Trump continued, "We’ll be taking in — depending on what period of time we’re talking — many billions of dollars.  Far more than the $16 billion that we’re talking about." So it's good to know that we happen to have $16 billion just sitting around in a slush fund or something and don't need, say, Congress to approve it.

Then you can see when Pelosi commenced the skullfucking. Asked about Pelosi's comment that he needs an intervention, Trump went off the rails, if his train was ever on them in the first place. He went around the room, demanding that staff and advisers who were at the meeting tell the cameras that he was perfectly calm when he told Pelosi and Chuck Schumer he wouldn't work on an infrastructure bill (or anything) while Democrats investigated him.

He asked Kellyanne Conway, Mercedes Schlapp, Larry Kudlow, Sarah Sanders, and Deputy Press Secretary Hogan Gidley to testify that he was calm. Here's how Trump put it to Sanders: "The narrative was I was screaming and ranting and raving, and it was terrible.  And I watched Nancy and she was all crazy yesterday...Just out curiosity — you were there — what was my tone yesterday at the meeting?" Sanders attested to this frantic fuck's calm demeanor.

Here's the thing, though. I think it was absolutely planned. I think Trump told everyone he was going to ask them if he was totally chill at the canceled infrastructure meeting. All the answers he got seemed absolutely practiced. So Pelosi's thrusting so far into his dullard's brain pan that he can't get her out of there.

Throughout this whole frankly fucking odd display, Trump kept making all kinds of asides, like to Kudlow, "Larry has done more live television.  Maybe Regis has you by a little bit, right?  Not by much." Yeah, that's a Regis Philbin reference. And this: "I don’t want to say 'Crazy Nancy,' because if I say that, you’re going to say it’s a copy of 'Crazy Bernie,' and that’s no good, because he — Bernie is definitely crazy." But he couldn't help but attack Pelosi more because, you know, chicks, man: "It was sad when I watched Nancy, all moving — the movement and the hands and the craziness — and I watched — that’s, by the way, a person that’s got some problems." He's gonna be mocking her movements soon because that's what this lump of shit thinks is funny.

The rest of the appearance, which, to remind you, was about giving money to farmers who he himself has harmed financially, was just as alarming. Trump criticized Rep. Jerrold Nadler by saying, "Jerry Nadler.  I know him well.  I’ve had great success against Jerry and I will again." That's an allusion to a 1980s zoning battle. Seriously, Trump's fucking brain stopped functioning around 1990.

"I'm a very capable person," Trump said at one point and wasn't joking. (He was joking when he called himself "an extremely stable genius," so let's let that on go.) He insisted repeatedly that he knew things, understood things, was well-versed in a subject. I teach students who lie to me all the time about studying something or reading something. I know that Trump was fuckin' lying when he said of the release of John Walker Lindh, "Believe it or not, about two weeks ago, I went to the best lawyers in our country that work for government.  I said, 'What could we do about this?'" Bullshit. He probably saw Tucker Carlson jacking off about Lindh and wondered why they weren't talking about him for five minutes.

And asked about who he was accusing of treason, after being reminded that one can be sentenced to death for that, Trump responded, "If you look at Comey; if you look at McCabe; if you look at probably people — people higher than that; if you look at Strzok; if you look at his lover, Lisa Page, his wonderful lover — the two lovers, they talked openly." Trump's weird fascination with the Strzok/Page affair is just pure dickishness, his default posture. But, yeah, sure, let's just move on from him implying that leaders of the FBI deserved to be executed.

By the way, several farmers and Farm Bureau officials were forced to stand there the entire time and had to be wondering what the fuck they had gotten themselves into. And Trump proclaimed once again that everything is really about him and him alone. Talking about farm states, he said, "China has openly stated they’re going to use the farmer.  The reason is because I got the farmer’s votes. You look at a map; it’s all red, meaning Republican, meaning Trump.  It’s all red in the middle states, as you know.  It’s got a little blue here and a little blue there." I guess it's useless at this point to try to say that California is the largest farm economy in the nation and is being hurt badly by this trade war.

Look, I've got a problem with how Pelosi is handling the lugubriously slow walk towards impeachment. But I'm all in on her penetrating Trump's tiny mind and buying a condo there. One thing he hates more than anything is being bested by a woman, and right now, he's frantically trying to figure out how to degrade her and get her out of there. No, it's not impeachment. It is, though, making Trump look weaker and weaker and more easily defeated. It's not a great plan, but it's sure as shit an entertaining one.

Side note: Here's an exchange that didn't get much notice between Trump and Conway.

MS. CONWAY:  Very calm.  No temper tantrum...I’m sure somebody has it on tape too.  But you were very calm.  Stood at the edge of the Cabinet table.

THE PRESIDENT:  They have it on tape someplace?

MS. CONWAY:  Sure.

THE PRESIDENT:  Good.  That’d be good.

Um, are they taping the Cabinet Room?

(Correction: I originally said the meeting took place in the Oval Office. That was wrong.)


Unless You Start Arresting People, Impeachment Is the Only Play Left for Congress

Every single goddamned day that we're cursed to live through in this stupid, dangerous era, the President of the United States, who really is Donald Trump, does or says something or has something revealed that he deserves to be impeached over. Whether it's seriously threatening to commit genocide in Iran, demanding that his political opponents be investigated and jailed, pardoning war criminals, or the fuckery with Deutsche Bank, as well as his ongoing refusal to comply with any congressional investigations, Trump, who looks like a sack of rats that got blasted with an exploding orange dye pack, commits more high crimes and misdemeanors with each passing moment.

But Speaker of the House Nancy Pelosi has not just dismissed talk of impeachment proceedings in her chamber, she is actively trying to squelch it in her caucus. She said not impeaching is doing the work Americans want: "This is not about politics; it's about what's best for the American people" and "This isn’t about politics at all. It’s about patriotism. It’s about the strength we need to have to see things through." That's right. It's patriotic to leave a madman in power without challenging him in the strongest possible way.

Look, Pelosi has accomplished a shit-ton for progressive goals. But we can separate out good from bad, we can criticize, goddamnit, and I gotta say: I don't get her game on this. Pelosi and some other Democrats said that an impeachment inquiry would distract from the economic and legislative agenda of the party. Except there is no agenda that can be accomplished while Trump hangs over everything. And if Pelosi is hoping to kick the can down the road and hope that Trump won't win reelection, well, Hillary Clinton has a bunch of dusty inauguration swag she can sell you.

Hakeem Jeffries, the New York representative who is the head of the Democratic Caucus, said, "We did not run on impeachment, we did not run on collusion ... so logic suggests that we should carry forward with the agenda that we communicated to the American people." Except that, once again, it's a fundamental misread of the electorate. Democrats may not have run on impeachment, but they absolutely ran on being a check on Trump.

And many of them ran specifically on going after Trump's criminality. To most people not versed in the nuances of congressional power, the 2018 campaign read as "impeach the motherfucker" and they voted with that in mind. If Democrats fail to follow through, it's gonna piss off some voters. It's like saying to your kids that you're going on vacation to the most wonderful place on earth where they'll get to see a mouse. They're gonna fuckin' think it's Disney World, for good goddamn reason. If it turns out to be Mee-Maw's old rodent-ridden house in Dubuque, shit's gonna get messy on the drive.

You can say that we don't know what Pelosi and the House leadership are up to. You can say that we mortals are too puny to understand the zillion-dimensional chess that's being played. Except almost every time someone says that, it turns out that the shit that's going in is exactly the shit we see.  There is no greater purpose to understand. There is no other dimension and we're just playing a frantic game of motherfuckin' checkers.

Right now, impeachment is the only play left for Congress, unless the House Democrats are willing to arrest people like Don McGahn and even William Barr for failing to show up for subpoenaed testimony or Steve Mnuchin for not turning over Trump's taxes. Even then, Trump would let everyone go to jail to protect his lying, voluminous ass. Besides, what happens after they do testify? Oh, right. Fucking impeachment.

By not impeaching, by allowing the president to order his lackeys and even ex-lackeys to defy subpoenas, Pelosi is letting Trump get away with a level of audacious corruption that would make Boss Tweed blush. Embedded in Pelosi's refusal to go down impeachment road is a belief in the better angels of democracy. Those angels never existed. And if they did, Trump would have pulled their wings off and grabbed 'em by their pussies, daring anyone to stop him.

His actions demand action. Trump brought this on. He is not the victim in this story, no matter how much he whines that he is. He is the villain. Treat him like one.

(Note: I've talked before about why your objection that the Senate will refuse to remove Trump from office is bullshit. So I'm not going into that here, except to say that impeachment is an end in itself.)


Anti-Choice Laws Are the Establishment of Religion

The Alabama state constitution makes it pretty fuckin' plain: "We declare...That no religion shall be established by law; that no preference shall be given by law to any religious sect, society, denomination, or mode of worship...and that the civil rights, privileges, and capacities of any citizen shall not be in any manner affected by his religious principles."

Now, of course, you can look at the sexist language there ("his religious principles") and think, "Yeah, of course, they decided that doesn't apply to women." But, really, it's just crystal-fuckin' clear. You can't make policy by religion. Any religion. And you can't deny someone civil rights just because they don't believe in the same invisible sky wizard that you believe in.

Despite its constitution, though, Alabama has passed the most restrictive abortion ban in the country, one that hasn't gone into effect yet and one that is supposed to take a coat hanger to Roe v. Wade and late-term abort it. And, in doing so, the legislators wanted to show just how batshit in love they are with Jeebus and that they can out-nutsy Georgia or Ohio or any pussy-ass state that wants to allow women even an ounce of agency and dignity. "You're havin' that fuckin' rape baby," Alabama said, "or we're lockin' your abortion doctor up for longer than your rapist. That's what God told us to do."

Look, there is no way to separate the anti-choice movement from the evangelical Christian movement. Check out the website of the influential Choose Life Alabama (motto: "Fuck me, Jesus, fuck me with your rod and staff"). There's not a single goddamn word about medical reasons to end abortions. It's all about God and creation and such shit.

Hell, the bill was written by A. Eric Johnston, the head of the Alabama Pro-Life Coalition. He's a fuckin' estate-planning attorney who does some mediation related to business shit. Where's his fucking medical degree that allows him to say that abortion should be banned after two weeks? As he said when it was first introduced, "Our bill is two weeks. When you can prove the woman is pregnant. A man and woman can have sex and you can take her straight into a clinic and determine an egg and sperm came together.” That last sentence is absolute bullshit. Family-planning clinics warn about false negatives when women are tested earlier than at least ten days after sex.

Johnston runs something called the Southeast Law Institute, which has weighed in on or represented clients in a slew of cases that are about fluffing the dicks of evangelical Christians. And that's exactly what this fucking law is about. It's about forcing an entire state and as much of the country as possible to live under the dicta of religious extremists. For extra larfs, Johnston actually helped write an anti-Shariah law amendment to the Alabama constitution. That's right. It's wrong if it's foreign religious law, but it's a-o-fuckin'-kay if it's Jesus running the joint.

When Governor and sex traitor Kay Ivey, wearing the colors of the title character in The Handmaid's Tale, signed the anti-choice bill into law, she issued a statement that put her reasoning into strictly religious terms: "To the bill’s many supporters, this legislation stands as a powerful testament to Alabamians’ deeply held belief that every life is precious and that every life is a sacred gift from God." Apparently, unless you believe in God (and, specifically, a crazed Christian flavor of God), you aren't really an Alabamian.

They're not even trying to hide that this shit is all about religion.  Over at the Jesus-fellating conservative Resurgent, James Silberman calls all fetuses "image bearers of God" and says that all Christians should rally for a total ban on abortion. Lying heap of rotting pumpkins, President Donald Trump, preened and pranced for evangelicals, swearing that he'd lead them to the promised land where only people like him could get abortions for their mistresses. "All children — born and unborn — are made in the holy image of God," he told one gathering, and the closest he gets to the Lord is when he squeals, "Oh, God" as he jacks off to Ivanka's teen photos.

I'm down south right now in Louisiana, where this state's abortion fuckery is heading into its final stretch. One of those odious "heartbeat" bills, which bans abortions after just six weeks, has passed the Senate and is about to be passed in the House. And the twist here is that Democrats are sponsoring and voting for it. Yeah, Sen. John Milkovich, a Democrat from Shreveport, sponsored the bill, saying, "We believe children are a gift from God." Except they're not. They're a by-product of fucking. The Democratic governor, John Bel Edwards, has said he'll sign whatever lands on his desk because that's how the fuck Louisiana rolls.

These radical Christian extremists are using their faith to enslave women, to make them mere vessels for babies that the Christians won't give a dry rat shit about once they're born. It is another of the many ways that conservatives are lashing out against the diminishing power of the straight white man. If they can get it so that women are hindered at every turn by pregnancies they are forced to carry to term, well, they just think that's the Lord's work.

And the scariest fucking part is that we no longer know for sure that the Supreme Court will uphold Roe v. Wade. Sure, some right-wing crazoids think Alabama and Georgia went too far, that it's too radical, that now they'll blow their chance on achieving their decades-old dream of enforced pregnancy. But who really fucking knows at this point, especially with savage dogs like Alito and Thomas on the court.

This shit is gut-wrenching. It's dehumanizing for women and degrading for the nation as a whole. Which is exactly what these putrid Christian fucks want.


Elizabeth Warren Tells Fox "News" to Go Fuck Itself with Roger Ailes's Femur

Fuck yeah, Senator Elizabeth Warren, who is running for president, just went to war with Fox "news." In a series of tweets, Warren told Fox to get the fuck away from her with this town hall bullshit. Apparently, Fox invited her to appear on their network of the damned and Sean Hannity, and she declined, explaining, "Fox News is a hate-for-profit racket that gives a megaphone to racists and conspiracists—it’s designed to turn us against each other, risking life and death consequences, to provide cover for the corruption that’s rotting our government and hollowing out our middle class."

Warren didn't stop there. Ever the professor, she tied Fox's white nationalist propaganda directly to the wallets of its owners and shareholders. "It’s all about dragging in ad money—big ad money," she says, and that a Democrat appearing on a town hall on the network gives cover to the sales team trying to tell skittish advertisers that Fox really, really is fair and balanced, despite the fact that it's so extravagantly biased that Goebbels would watch it and say, "Jesus fuck, tone it down a bit."

Then Warren brings it back to voters: "I won’t ask millions of Democratic primary voters to tune into an outlet that profits from racism and hate in order to see our candidates—especially when Fox will make even more money adding our valuable audience to their ratings numbers." She doesn't shit all over the Democrats who have already appeared at a Fox town hall - Bernie Sanders and Amy Klobuchar - but she sure as hell draws a big damn line in the sand.

"Fox News is welcome to come to my events just like any other outlet," Warren concludes. "But a Fox News town hall adds money to the hate-for-profit machine. To which I say: hard pass."

And I am so hard right now that I could jackhammer a hole in my wall.

It's about goddamn time one of the Democratic candidates stopped with this whole bullshit idea that they have to "reach" Fox "news" viewers. It turns Fox into the de facto spokesdicks for the mythical "White Working Class," a group that is so much more than Fox-infected assholes (and is also far, far bigger once you remove "white" from the name). And Warren's rejection of Fox turns a spotlight on the "news" network's efforts at stupiding their viewers with a nonstop fecal flow of fear and fuckery. Maybe Kirsten Gillibrand and Pete Buttigieg will back out of their scheduled appearances.

Essentially, Warren just declared war on Fox "news." She went far, far further than just declining the town hall. She went for the throat, naming evil where she sees evil. Warren dug up the rotted whale carcass of Roger Ailes, ripped out his femur, and started fucking Tucker Carlson's ass with it.

Look for Fox to react furiously, as Fox will do, likely calling her everything from "Pocahontas" to "Emma Goldman" (actually, Emma Goldman doesn't have a Disney cartoon, so Fox viewers wouldn't understand it). They'll make her seem like Stalin has been reincarnated and that Warren and AOC are gonna be forcing you to eat organic dirt to stay alive while Rashida Tlaib ululates in your ears.

But Warren wouldn't have started this if she didn't know what she was getting into.  She could have politely declined and moved on. This is a war she wants. This shows she knows that you have to kill the troll if you want everyone to be able to cross the bridge.


Practical Impeachment Politics: Your Objections Are Bullshit

Too many Democrats are tying themselves in knots in order to avoid committing to impeachment hearings for President Donald Trump, a man who, in his best days, betrays the public trust ten times before finishing his first Sausage McMuffin of the morning. But the arguments Democrats make are utter bullshit, and they're belied by history, circumstance, and the Democrats' own actions.

For example:

"Why bother impeaching Trump when we know the Senate won't vote to convict?" is something you hear over and over and over. Yet, a few days ago, the Democratically-controlled House of Representatives, where impeachment hearings and votes would occur, passed a bill that forces the United States to stay in the Paris accord on climate change. In the past couple of months, the House has passed an election reform bill, a gun control bill, a gender pay gap bill, a bill rejecting Trump's emergency declaration on the border, a net neutrality bill, and a bill that funds converting unicorn farts into renewable energy. Well, not that last one, but they may as well have.

You know what all the real bills have in common? There's not a flea fuck in Hell's chance that the Republican-controlled Senate will pass them. The bills are, for all practical purposes, being voted on for show - show what we believe, show what they oppose. But Nancy Pelosi has no problem lining up bill after bill, just begging the Senate to shoot them down so that Democrats can campaign on how Republicans want us all to die, take away our rights, and force us to have babies. Almost no one talks about how this is a waste of time because it really isn't. Rallying the faithful is as good a cause as any.

The catalyzing effect would be even stronger when it comes to impeachment. You might hear that a majority of Americans don't think impeachment hearings are warranted. A recent Marist poll showed that 53% of those surveyed oppose them. Except when you dig into the poll, a much more interesting picture appears. Sure, 91% of Republicans oppose impeachment, with 70% of Democrats supporting it. But more fascinating, independent women support impeachment 54% to 37%. And, further down, a majority of just about every group other than Republicans as a whole support either impeachment or more investigations. Finally, 70% of Democrats say they would definitely vote for a candidate who supports impeachment, with, intriguingly, Independents split on whether or not they would.

And, honestly, I don't think most people understand that there are hearings before impeachment. A whole lot of Americans are primed and ready for those. They would naturally reveal more about Trump's obstruction efforts and function as congressional investigations. What those investigations end up proving about Trump's criminality and unfitness for office might significantly move the needle on impeachment support. As PBS Newshour points out, "When the Watergate scandal broke in 1973, only 35 percent to 40 percent of Americans wanted to move forward with impeachment proceedings against President Richard Nixon. One year later, more than 70 percent thought Congress should begin impeachment proceedings against Nixon."

On top of that, with 70% of Democrats already on board the impeachment train, failure to move it forward might have the effect of depressing the vote. That's what I think is behind these reports that Republicans really, really want impeachment to go forward. Those motherfuckers are double-dog daring Democrats, seeing a way to split the party on the issue. Man, fuck them and what they think. You're gonna let the arsonists tell you what fire alarms to buy? If Democrats followed Elizabeth Warren's lead and just outright embraced impeachment because it's, you know, their fucking duty, it would electrify Democratic voters and get them engaged and ready and anxious to punch Republicans right in the dick in 2020.

We also hear that impeachment is so serious because it might mean a lawfully-elected president is removed from office, undoing the will of the (not majority of the) people. But those people also elected a Congress, and those members of Congress have impeachment as one of their duties. It would be just as wrong to say that they shouldn't do one of the things they were entrusted with if necessary.

Elections have consequences. We fucking know that. It's time that Donald Trump learns that lesson, too.


Democrats Should Be Unrelenting on Trump's Taxes

Look, I get why 75% of Americans, according one poll, haven't read any of the Mueller report. Yeah, part of it is that we're now so fucking stupid and so easily distracted that the very idea of sitting down and facing 400 pages of redacted shit with Russian names and banks and more sounds not just intimidating, but, fate of the nation aside, so goddamn dull. The Starr report on Bill Clinton's affair with Monica Lewinsky had dicks and pussies and cigars in pussies and dicks in mouths. Of course, people wanted to read that. We're animals, after all.

People like things simple and readily graspable. They don't want your nuance. They don't want your multi-level conspiracies that are like jigsaw puzzles where the last piece is lost under the couch and you just can't reach it.  They like it cut and dried, man, easily digestible and easily spit out.

Donald fuckin' Trump knew that all the way back in 2011 when he started his batshit crusade against Barack Obama for the crime of being black while president. We all know the birther nonsense, where idiots demanded that Obama produce a birth certificate to prove he was born in Hawaii (and when he did produce one, it wasn't the right one for them). Trump also hopped on the college records bandwagon, too, saying that Obama's university applications and such were big secrets. You can trace the layers and layers of hypocrisy through Trump's Twitter feed, like a mille-feuille of shit.

Like in July 2012, when the dumb orange motherfucker tweeted, "For the sake of transparency, @BarackObama should release all his college applications and transcripts--both from Occidental and Columbia." Or in August of that year, when he implored that Mitt Romney "shouldn't give additional tax returns until @BarackObama gives his passport records, college records & applications."

For the vast majority of us, it was a ludicrous beclowning of the electoral process. But for those who were starting to pay attention to this pathetic reality TV host as a viable candidate and thought, "I like how he sticks it to the Negro," it was fuckin' catnip. And, goddamn, it's so easy to rally behind: Yeah, why won't that Obama prove to us where he came from? (Being racists, they never realized how horribly racist it was.)

Trump even went so far as to say that Obama wouldn't be hiding his records if nothing bad was in them: "Why would @BarackObama be spending millions of dollars to hide his records if there was nothing to hide?" he asked in 2012. He also tweeted on 9/11, our holiest of holy days, "Why won't Obama release his college applications? Is there something 'foreign' about them?"

Obviously, for Donald Trump, refusing to release private information to the public, or, you know, to him, is akin to being guilty. It's right there. The dumb orange motherfucker himself said as much.

So, while they should have been doing this since 2016, Democrats now have a talking point against Trump that is the perfect combination of simple and deadly. Treasury Secretary Steve Mnuchin, a man who definitely has had a gerbil or two inserted in his rectum, declined to turn over Trump's federal income tax returns to the House Ways and Means Committee, as required by law. This is on top of Trump suing to stop Deutsche Bank from cooperating with congressional investigators, likely because that would involve having his taxes revealed.

The reason that the birther shit had an effect (no, it didn't stop Obama, but it helped Trump's rise), the reason that the Hillary email shit had an effect, the reason why so many aggravatingly simple things have an effect is because they force you to make a decision. Either you want to know about Hillary Clinton's emails or you didn't. And Democrats can use that method to what is inarguably a more noble end: to find out if the President of the United States is a goddamn criminal.

Every fucking day, every opportunity they have, every interview, every speech, Democrats should be demanding that Donald Trump release his taxes. They should be saying that he must have something to hide. It should be the only fucking thing that anyone can think of. They should get people to show up at Republican town halls to ask why the GOP doesn't care about Trump's taxes.

No, you won't get Trump's idiot hordes or his Republican lickspittles and ass remoras to turn against him (although you might succeed in getting a little creeping doubt in there). But you know that 75% who didn't read the Mueller report ain't just Trump-humpers. There are not only a lot of voters who are on the Democrats' side who need a rallying point, but there are those who aren't paying attention at all, who are disengaged, who might just fucking love the clean and clear either/or on Trump's taxes.

So many of us on the left want Democrats to get savage. But there has to be a cohesive message behind the savagery, one that's not complex or needs more than a bumper-sticker to explain. This idea is a damn start. Get people paying attention so that when the impeachment hearings start, they're already on board.


We Cannot Be This Nation With the President That William Barr and Republicans Believe We Should Have

Attorney General William Barr, who is really just a lumpy choad with a stupid face drawn on the tip, jowled and jawed before the Senate Judiciary Committee yesterday. It was a weird, weird hearing, with Republicans like Chuck Grassley and John Cornyn seeming to act like Hillary Clinton is the greatest villain in American history. She is essentially the president of their imaginations, omnipresent and all-powerful, her emails and the Steele dossier the touchstones of a depth of criminality that few ever even dared to attempt. Or something. Who the fuck knows at this point. Frankly, it'd be a relief if it turned out someone was fucking some kids in a pizza joint just so any of this weird, weird bullshit had any grounding in what we once referred to as "reality."

On the Democratic side, nearly every question could have been "Are you fuckin' kidding me here?" Kamala Harris drilled into Barr like she was digging for gold in a sloppy mound of mud. Asking about whether or not the Attorney General had reviewed the underlying evidence on obstruction of justice before declaring that there was none, she may as well have said, "Are you fuckin' kidding me here?" to Barr saying he hadn't bothered. Richard Blumenthal asked Barr whether or not he had discussed any ongoing criminal investigations of the White House with the White House. When Barr hedged before saying he didn't think he had or he didn't remember (seriously, this bulbous motherfucker's been in the job for 10 weeks but can't remember shit), Blumenthal may as well have concluded his questioning with "Are you fuckin' kidding me here?"

Ultimately, what came across from Barr is a visceral contempt for any kind of oversight of the president. As far as Barr is concerned, it doesn't matter if the president orders people to lie on his behalf to investigators. It doesn't matter if he dangles pardons for them to break the law. It doesn't matter if the president ends an investigation if he doesn't like how the investigation is going. Literally.

Barr said, in answer to a question from Patrick Leahy, "The point I was trying to make earlier is that in the situation of the president, who has constitutional authority to supervise proceedings. If in fact a proceeding was not well-founded, if it was a groundless proceeding, if it was based on false allegations, the president does not have to sit there, constitutionally, and allow it to run its course. The president could terminate that proceeding and it would not be a corrupt intent because he was being falsely accused and he would be worried about the impact on his administration. That's important because most of the obstruction claims that are being made here, or episodes, do involve the exercise of the president's constitutional authority. And we now know that he was being falsely accused." Leahy disagreed that Trump was being falsely accused.

And that right there, that answer from Barr, is fucking ludicrous. It is essentially saying that if Donald Trump doesn't believe he's guilty of anything, he has the right to shut down any investigation looking into his criminality. Trump gets to determine what the impact would be on his administration. Trump gets to determine whether an accusation is false. Trump gets to be his own judge. What more could he fucking want from life?

This kind of bullshit is center to the cancerous theory of the unitary executive, which says that, in essence, the executive branch works for the chief executive, the president, and that president can do whatever the fuck he (and, perhaps, some day, she) wants. So that means that every department is filled with the president's employees (and not the nation's), and every office is merely an extension of the president and a conduit of that president's policies. And, to an extent, that has to be true. Except, of course, there are also laws and, you know, a Constitution. However, according to Barr (and a shit-ton of Republicans), the president can say, "Yeah, I don't like how the laws are being used by my employees, so let's shut that shit down." And if you shove through a bunch of judges who will give you a pass, hey, shit's shut down.

You can either be a nation based on laws or a nation based on the whims of a leader. You can't be both. We cannot be the nation that Barr and the obsequious worms in the GOP would like us to be. That is not this nation. And if we do say that this is who we are now, then fuck us.

And let's be clear: This only goes for Republican presidents. For Democrats? Republicans would have already torn down the White House in order to build a gallows had a President Hillary Clinton done a fraction of this shit. Hell, Republican members of Congress talked about impeaching Obama over everything from his immigration policy to Benghazi to, really, his birth certificate. The GOP-led House Judiciary Committee had a hearing in 2013 on "The President's Constitutional Duty to Faithfully Execute the Laws."

Look, every president fucking hates it when Congress holds him to account. And every president has fought congressional committees on witnesses and documents and other shit. Of course, Democrats are more likely to call out their own president while Republicans are more likely to throw their bodies in the way of their presidents. Seventeen Democrats voted for the contempt citation against Barack Obama's Attorney General Eric Holder for withholding documents on the non-scandal scandal of Fast and Furious (look it up, kids, and you'll see why the fuck we say that Republicans are hypocritical twatmites). And if you want to beat your head against a wall, look at how many Democrats supported the impeachment of Bill Clinton.

Democrats have to stop playing this game like they are opposed by honorable people. Republicans are having a shit fight in a monkey house while Democrats are trying to soothe them with the gentle music of reason. No, the way you win is by dumping so much shit on the monkeys that they can't move.