Bloomberg Plays Turd in the Democratic Punch Bowl

Former New York City mayor and billionaire prick Michael Bloomberg barely won his last election. In 2009, after he rammed through an exception to the city's term limit for mayors, he ran for a third term as a Republican and spent nearly $100 million on his reelection. While that's sofa cushion money for Bloomberg, it was unheard of in a local race, and he outspent his Democratic rival Bill Thompson 14 to 1. Yet, after supposedly having had two successful terms to run on, after dropping all that coin fluffing his own public image like an aging porn star injecting his dick for the third time in a day on the set, all Mayor Mike managed to get was 50.7% of the vote. Enough to win, sure, but Thompson still got over 46%.

The point here is that a hundred million bucks bought Bloomberg a just eked-through victory. There is certainly no guarantee that the $400 million and counting he's spending on the Democratic nomination will do more than give him a brief novelty surge that dies down as soon as everyone remembers "Oh, right, he's that prick."

And it's so easy to find Bloomberg being the goddamndest asshole all the time. Between the odious sustained assault on non-whites in New York City that was "Stop-and-Frisk" to his completely demeaning treatment of women in his circle, Bloomberg has left a trail of bullshit that's visible from miles away. Then there's the strongman tactics that he used as mayor to break up Occupy Wall Street, which involved a violent raid on the protesters camped out in Zuccotti Park in defiance of a court order. I was there in the aftermath, and I saw kids slammed to the ground by cops and listened as Wall Street fucks laughed about the arrested getting raped at Riker's Island. I'd bet anything they were Bloomberg voters. The thing about Bloomberg is that, until he apologized, he seemed to get off on this shit.

It's so simple to find a fucked-up quote from Bloomberg. Here he is in 2010 after then-Gov. David Paterson signed a law that prevented police departments from keeping the data they got from every single stop-and-frisk suspect, including those where nothing was found. Bloomberg scoffed, "And what's wrong with keeping the data? We have data on everything. You wait until we have facial recognition software, and somebody's going to have a record of every person that walks down by your house. You just point a camera at them, the software will do it. That's coming. I mean, these days of, we put license plates on your car. You can read those by computer now, and we know where you're driving." He wasn't wrong about the technology, but his enthusiasm sure makes it seem like he may misuse the larger data collection capabilities of, say, the NSA. Ask the Muslim community of New York how that surveillance ended up.

I'm attacking Bloomberg in a way that, frankly, I haven't attacked the other Democrats for the simple reason that Bloomberg isn't a Democrat. Unlike Bernie Sanders, most of Bloomberg's views throughout his career have never really lined up with the Democratic Party platform. He spoke at the 2016 Democratic National Convention, but, prior to that, he spoke at the 2004 Republican Convention, which was being held in New York City (with protests that were met with their own overzealous response from the NYPD).

Basically, until a couple of years ago, Mike Bloomberg is what we used to call a "moderate Republican," back when such political creatures existed in the wilds of the GOP. The best way to define "moderate" was someone who was conservative on financial shit but was sane on guns, gays, and abortion and understood that climate change is real. In other words, a Republican who believed in science and medicine. He should have run as a Republican and used his billions to force Trump into spending his war chest fending off a primary opponent. He might have actually been able to drag the GOP back to having a toe on the sane side of the line of demarcation between sanity and madness. And he would have significantly weakened Trump.

But, alas, instead, Bloomberg, with his authoritarian impulses and his record of racism, sexism, and violence, has decided to be the turd in the Democratic punch bowl, plopping into the election to ruin the thing for everyone who's been there. Already in second in national polling, with way too many people who should know better accepting his apology for Stop and Frisk, he has a real chance at the nomination. And way too many people are champing at the bit for the Democrats to have their own douchebag billionaire to face down the worse douchebag "billionaire" in the White House. Jesus, you know how fucked a nation that makes us?

To be fair, Bloomberg's website is filled with Democratic kibble in its section on his plans, so he's still better than Trump in the way that a rotting cheese sandwich is better than Trump, but it's still a rotting cheese sandwich. You'd rather toss it in the garbage than see it inaugurated. But if that's all we got...

I could see this going another way, too. That same national poll showed that Bernie Sanders has opened up a 12-point lead on second place, with 31% choosing him, his biggest margin yet. Faced with the possibility of Bloomberg, progressive Democrats and those who are just fuckin' skeeved out by Mayor Mike might be moving towards Sanders as a way of getting this goddamned thing over with before a just recently-converted former Republican buys the nomination.

Let's hope that Bloomberg is chewed up and spit out at the Democratic debate tomorrow night, making him spend his billions where he should if he's so goddamned concerned about 2020: on the Senate races.


Rush Limbaugh Is Dying For His Own Sins

Rush Limbaugh, the still-alive host of Creepy the Aging Clown's Masturbatorium of Hate and Homophobia,  believes that Democratic presidential candidate Pete Buttigieg has made headway in the 2020 race because of him. See, about a year ago, Limbaugh said, "Keep a sharp eye out for Mayor Pete. Keep an eye on this guy. He is gonna make mincemeat of all the rest of these people." This past Wednesday, he crowed, "Had I not made the observation, a lot of people would not have given Mayor Pete Buttigieg the time of day." Yep, he believes that no one would have paid attention to Buttigieg without ol' Rush chiming in.

However, Limbaugh didn't think that Buttigieg had what it took because, well, the gay stuff. He offered that Democratic voters are "sitting there and they’re looking at Mayor Pete - a 37-year-old gay guy, mayor of South Bend, loves to kiss his husband on the debate stage - and they’re saying, 'Okay. How’s this gonna look, a 37-year-old gay guy kissing his husband on stage next to Mr. Man, Donald Trump? What’s gonna happen there?'"

Put aside for a moment that calling Donald Trump "Mr. Man" is like calling a pile of shit "a gourmet snack." Put aside that it might be nice to see a married couple of actually seem to love each other, unlike Donald and Melania. Put aside that  Buttigieg joined the Naval Reserve and did a seven-month stint in Afghanistan, which is more time spent overseas in military service than Trump and all his terrible children combined, plus seven months. Put aside the rank gay-bashing and the weird obsession with Buttigieg and his husband locking lips. Put all that aside because that's leaving out the rest of what Limbaugh said:

"They gotta be looking at that, and they’ve gotta be saying that despite all the great progress and despite all the great wokeness and despite all the great ground that’s been covered, America’s still not ready to elect a gay guy kissing his husband on the debate stage president. They have to be saying this, don’t they? Now, there may be some Democrats who think that is the ticket."

Limbaugh was fairly relentless in his assertion that no way, no how will Mayor Pete ever seem more electable than the prissy president with his manicured nails, his shitty spray tan and makeup, his dyed hair plugs, and his obsession with celebrities that borders on Perez Hilton-esque. But Buttigieg kisses his husband, so that's less manly.

Limbaugh wasn't done. He continued, "There may be some Democrats who think, 'That’s exactly what we need to do, Rush. Get a gay guy kissing his husband on stage! You ram it down Trump’s throat and beat him in the general election.' (laughing) Really? Having fun envisioning that."

Well, thanks, Rush, I will have fun envisioning someone ramming something down Trump's throat and beating him.

It had been a while since I had bothered to even think about Rush Limbaugh, who is one of the original carriers of the plague of the modern right-wing media. But he's been in the news for two reasons: He announced that he's suffering from Stage IV lung cancer after half a lifetime of bragging about how much he smokes and saying that cigarettes didn't cause cancer, and he was awarded the Presidential Medal of Freedom by Donald Trump, which is a little like Caligula giving Genghis Khan the Nobel Peace Prize.

I'm gonna save my total contempt for Limbaugh when he finally dies for his sins and the sins of the savage conservatism that he helped usher us into like the porcine gatekeeper at Hell's deepest shit pit. My initial reaction to his diagnosis was "What did cancer ever do to deserve Rush Limbaugh?" You can call me an asshole or talk about how we should love our enemies or how terrible lung cancer is or what you will. But Limbaugh is not suffering nearly enough. I hope he shits blood every day for the rest of his shortened life.

I'm not a Buttigieg voter in the primary. I find his positions too moderate to conservative for my taste. This ain't about him. It's about how Rush Limbaugh was given a pass for a couple of days because of his illness and his appearance as a weak old fuck at the State of the Union, "shocked" that he was being given the medal then. And he doesn't deserve anything but abject hatred for being one of the most destructive forces in the media not named "Ailes" or "Murdoch." And his attacks on Buttigieg are of a piece with his entire pathetic career of tearing the nation apart.

Limbaugh has been queasy and angry about the lesbian and gay community for decades (he's been actively hostile to the transgender community, but that is a whole post to itself). Back in the 1980s, he was so antagonistic about the AIDS crisis that he ran an AIDS Update for a month, mocking victims of the disease to theme songs like "Back in the Saddle Again" (before he actually had to back down and apologize). He was enraged at the federal funding going to sex education, especially as it related to HIV/AIDS. Limbaugh was whipping people into such an anti-gay frenzy that it likely caused actual harm to people who were dying. As recently as 2004, he was claiming that HIV doesn't spread to straight people unless they were promiscuous, like, he claimed, people in Africa are. He's also equated same-sex marriage to acceptance of pedophilia and bestiality.

In 2016, he was attacking, no, really, lesbian farmers because the Obama administration wanted to have a summit to talk about LGBT Americans who were living in rural states. "So here comes the Obama Regime with a bunch of federal money and they’re waving it around, and all you gotta do to get it is be a lesbian and want to be a farmer and they’ll set you up. I’m like you; I never before in my life knew that lesbians wanted to be farmers. I never knew that lesbians wanted to get behind the horse and the plow and start burrowing." And if you don't think that was intentionally a crude sex joke, you don't know Presidential Medal of Freedom winner Rush Limbaugh.

As you might imagine, there is so much more.

In 1994, on his radio show, he said, "When a gay person turns his back on you, it is anything but an insult; it’s an invitation." Well, now Rush Limbaugh is getting ass-fucked by cancer. It's been shoved down his throat and burrowed into him. He will not have some deathbed change of heart. He will not be humbled. He is what he has always been: an infected carbuncle on the right ass cheek of democracy.


Trump's Ultimate Goal: The Erasure of Barack Obama

We talk all the time about What Donald Trump Wants as president because it's plainly obvious that "improving life for all Americans" is not really on his radar, and "keeping the nation safe" is pretty low down the list. There is the obvious greed - from the access his children have to overseas investors to the open graft of the government paying tax money to his properties. There is the ego burnishing, which you'd expect from someone whose grievances include not getting an Emmy for his reality show and not being praised enough for being president. There is very likely the wholesale paying off debts owed to various Russians, Saudis, Azerbaijanis, Iranians, and who knows who else. And much, much more.

But one of his primary goals has been simple: Donald Trump wants to erase Barack Obama from the recent history of the country. He has been insidiously resetting the clock and rewriting history since he first gaslit his way to the national political stage by embracing the whole birther lie. Most other Republicans want to wipe out the New Deal and the Great Society and other progressive accomplishments, and Trump is fine doing that as long as it achieves this central objective of eliminating the black president and all his black deeds.

Trump regularly brags about all the Obama-era regulations and initiatives that he's tossed in the garbage can, some that have even left the industries affected scratching their heads at why. Just look at the environmental regulations Trump has reversed or wiped out. In one case, Trump had his EPA roll back "limits on carbon emissions from coal- and gas-fired power plants," which has led states from California to North Carolina to sue because it will lead to more air pollution in general. When Trump rolled back rules on auto emissions from the Obama administration, automakers were not overjoyed at the change because of the confusion it put into the marketplace.

In each case, Trump or some lackey from his administration crowed about how they were getting rid of "burdensome" regulations that Obama put in place that were preventing the economy from growing. Except here's the problem with that: Those regulations weren't preventing the economy from expanding. It was expanding just fine under Obama post-2010 while the nation was still doing at least something minimal to slow down climate change.

And that leads to the biggest lie that Trump tells constantly. Trump has essentially colonized Barack Obama's economy and claimed it as his own. It's oldest, whitest trick in the book. "Oh, hey," Christopher Columbus said, "I've discovered a New World" as he looked at all the people who had been there long before he ever bumbled his way to the Bahamas (and then he enslaved and tortured those people because Columbus was a monster).

Every chance he has, Trump decries Obama's presidency as a time of great economic tribulation that he alone came along to fix. In the State of the Union speech last week, he said, "The years of economic decay are over...Gone are the broken promises, jobless recoveries, tired platitudes, and constant excuses for the depletion of American wealth, power, and prestige. In just three short years, we have shattered the mentality of American decline, and we have rejected the downsizing of America’s destiny....From the instant I took office, I moved rapidly to revive the U.S. economy."

That's absolutely false. Like factually false by nearly every measure. All that's mostly happened to the economy overall since Trump came to office has been a continuation of the trends that started several years before Trump ever rode his golden escalator to the nomination. He was handed a growing economy by Barack Obama and the only thing that he did was exploit it for his own gain while completely, willfully, cruelly erasing Obama from the narrative of why things are going pretty well. It's mind-blowing that anyone can hear Trump brag about the low unemployment rate as if he's responsible for more than a point or two of its decline, as if Obama's policies didn't take care of 80% or more of the improvement since 2010-11. Trump can say that the recent job numbers are incredible, but it's not better than many, many months under Obama.

In fact, Trump could have taken Obama's economy and said, "Yeah, that was all well and good, but we need to get people better jobs and better pay." He could have built on it and crowed about any improvements he made. But he couldn't because if he did, he'd have to admit that he's just the guy who didn't screw up Obama's achievements yet. He'd have to admit that Obama did something right. Instead, Trump has made it so that his voters believe as an article of absolute faith that Obama did nothing but damage the country and Trump came along to rescue us, the white savior riding in to save the nation from the savage Negro. And all those white people at Trump's rallies are eager to believe it's true.

Of course, these are the same people who believe that the Affordable Care Act is a "disaster," as Trump says repeatedly.  Even if they have benefited from it, they act like they despise it because they themselves would have to admit Obama did something to help them. The Supreme Court, with its Trump-installed, McConnell-enabled conservative majority, could come close to finishing the erasure of Barack Obama if it overturns the ACA and the Deferred Action for Childhood Arrivals policy (you know, DACA). If those two unabashedly positive steps towards a saner nation are gone, Trump will have finally gotten back at Obama for insulting him at the White House Correspondents' Dinner in 2011 and for daring to president while black.

Some Democrats are defending Obama's legacy, like Nancy Pelosi did in her press conference after the State of the Union and, obviously, like Joe Biden is on the campaign trail. But it seems like Trump's lies about Obama ought to be front and center, at least as a reminder that a Democratic president didn't screw things up. In fact, the job of a Democratic president since Clinton has been to clean up the wreckage left by the Republicans.

Trump's making a hell of a mess. Let's not allow him to throw President Obama into the trash heap of history.

(Note 1: I know that Columbus never said the phrase "New World" as far as we know. That was Amerigo Vespucci, which is also a great porn name if you pronounce the last name a little differently.)

(Note 2: You're right. There's more Obama could have done. But considering he had a Congress that wouldn't work with him, well, we're lucky we got as far as we did.)

(Note 3: Yes, you're very smart to bring up drone missile murders and the expansion of fracking under Obama, but if you don't think an Obama presidency is better than a Trump presidency, you're an idiot.)

(Note 4: White supremacists are emboldened by this effort to erase the first black president's accomplishments. Debasing him justifies their existence. It's one way Trump enables those groups.)


Mitt Romney Is Fucked and So Are the Rest of Us

Look, there are a whole truckload of reasons to despise current Utah Senator, former Republican presidential nominee, and former Massachusetts Governor Mitt Romney. Just pick. Maybe you think his refusal in 2012 to embrace the health care plan that he himself signed off on in Massachusetts was the sign of a weak, weak candidate. Maybe you're still pissed at him for winking at birtherism, joking about Barack Obama not being born in the United States. Maybe you just don't like his dickish face or his dog torture or his endless lies in 2012. I get it. And we weren't wrong to despise him in the past and we won't be wrong when he gives us reasons to despise him in the future.

But for a just a few minutes, for just a shining moment, we can praise Mitt Romney for doing what no one thought a Republican was going to do. Because, see, Romney didn't just vote in favor of convicting Donald Trump for abuse of power and removing him from office and banning him from every running again. Romney decided to use his speech to the Senate to burn Trump's defense to the ground. And he showed all those self-professed Christians what belief in God means, and it sure as hell isn't being a hypocrite when you take an oath to that God. It was like he looked around at his fellow Republican senators and thought, "Wait, did you all go blind and deaf? Because how can you hear all of this and see anything other than that Trump's guilty?"

About Trump's attempt to get dirt on the family of the man who was, at the time, the leading Democrat running for president, Romney said, "There’s no question in my mind that were their names not Biden, the president would never have done what he did." About the whole idea of waiting to let voters decide, Romney wasted it with "The verdict is ours to render under our Constitution. The people will judge us for how well and faithfully we fulfill our duty."

Immediately after the vote to acquit Trump (and Romney voted with Republicans on the second article, obstruction of Congress), the condemnation of Mitt Romney went into overdrive. Romney knew what was going to happen: "I’m aware that there are people in my party and in my state who will strenuously disapprove of my decision, and in some quarters I will be vehemently denounced. I’m sure to hear abuse from the president and his supporters." And, oh, yeah, it's been a robust round of fuckery, with Donald Trump, Jr., who, true story, was birthed out of his father's anus, called for Romney to be expelled from the Republican Party, which is some motherfucking political genius in an election year when Democrats need just 4 seats to get back the Senate.

Between Trump tweets and the screeching ghouls of the right-wing mediaverse, Romney was being savaged for daring to actually believe his lying eyes. And you know that he is on the receiving end of a stream of death threats and violence threats, that his kids and their kids are going to be targeted. Romney's life is fucked for the foreseeable future, and that's not even counting the QAnon freaks who have long thought he was part of the Clinton/Obama cabal.

As the last couple of days post-impeachment trial have shaken out, it's become clearer and clearer that we are all so very fucked. Trump is getting revenge on those who spoke against him (like having Col. Alexander Vindman shitcanned from his National Security Council job, a clear violation of whistleblower protection laws). He's said, "We'll see" about retaliating against Democrats, calling them "evil" and other insidious insults. He's saying that Nancy Pelosi needs to be punished for tearing his State of the Union speech in half, like they're sacred texts.  Senate Republicans are getting financial documents on Hunter Biden so they can investigate him for some goddamn reason. And William Barr has shut down any investigations of Trump (and any other politician) without his approval.

Trump unchained combines the malevolent idiocy of Joseph McCarthy with the sycophantic following of Mao Zedong. It's not that difficult to imagine a coming witch hunt or purge or even a new Cultural Revolution, each of us called to account for how much or how little we love our dear leader. That I can entertain that thought and it's not automatically thought of as hilarious parody shows just how far we're already down that road, with its mass graves waiting at the end.

Hyperbole? Sure. But I'd rather be accused of that than of not warning everyone that we're fucked unless we do something to unfuck ourselves.


Fuck Every Republican Who Says Trump Was Wrong But Won't Vote to Remove Him

Oh, fuck Lisa Murkowski. Yeah, yeah, we can thank her for doing the right thing that one time with the Affordable Care Act and still say, "Fuck Lisa Murkowski." The Alaska senator's statement on why she won't vote to convict President Donald Trump of the crimes that she admits he committed is just the fucking worst because she thinks she's making some grand statement about the state of partisan divisions in the Congress and the country. Really, it's just ass-covering and bullshit justification. 

She said that "The House rushed through what should be one of the most serious, consequential undertakings of the legislative branch simply to meet an artificial, self-imposed deadline." That "artificial, self-imposed deadline" is the fucking 2020 election. The rush was to make sure that Trump couldn't game it, corrupt it, or, you know, invite foreign countries to get involved by digging up dirt on his rivals and using U.S. foreign policy to get his way. If you know an arsonist is about to set a fire, you stop the fucking arsonist before shit is burned to the ground. 

Continuing her speech to the Senate, after a bunch of both-sides garbage, she offered, "The response to the President’s behavior is not to disenfranchise nearly 63 million Americans and remove him from the ballot." Except no one is talking about the disenfranchisement of voters (well, yeah, Republicans are, but not in this case). It's one of those idiot arguments that get the rubes to think you're standing up for them when you're really just not making any goddamn sense. They have the right to vote. They just couldn't vote for one particular candidate. Murkowski is also implying that Republicans have no one else to run for president. 

Then, with willful naïveté, Murkowski said, "The Constitution provides for impeachment, but does not demand it in all instances.  An incremental first step, to remind the President that, as Montesquieu said, 'Political virtue is a renunciation of oneself' and this requires 'a continuous preference of the public interest over one’s own.'" That's fuckin' hilarious. Yeah, Lisa, go to Donald fuckin' Trump and remind him of what an 18th-century French philosopher said. He'll quote Sean Hannity back at you between Big Mac bites as you dodge crumbs being spit in your face. 

Even worse is Maine's own anthropomorphic bowl of Jello, Sen. Susan Collins. Her reasoning for not voting to remove Trump from office is as delusional as someone investing in a Trump University education: "I believe the president has learned from this case...The president has been impeached. That's a pretty big lesson...I believe he will be much more cautious in the future." I'm cynical enough to think that Collins knows this is unrepentant bullshit, but if she really believes this, then, seriously, someone should introduce her to Donald Trump because that asshole has never felt chastened and the only "lesson" he's learned is "Say you're right loud enough and often enough and everyone will agree just to make you shut the fuck up about it."

Tennessee's Lamar Alexander, one of those fake moderates you occasionally hear about but only see as unreal Bigfoot-like blurs running past the Capitol, tried to sound rational in his declaration of Trumpian exoneration. Look at this bastard try to thread a rusty needle: "It was inappropriate for the president to ask a foreign leader to investigate his political opponent and to withhold United States aid to encourage that investigation. When elected officials inappropriately interfere with such investigations, it undermines the principle of equal justice under the law. But the Constitution does not give the Senate the power to remove the president from office and ban him from this year’s ballot simply for actions that are inappropriate."

Actually, the Constitution gives the Senate the power to remove a president if it agrees with the House and convicts that president, even for, you know, "misdemeanors." But look at that shit. Alexander says that Trump was undermining "the principle of equal justice under the law." That's pretty fucking significant. And he added, just to sound like he's a thoughtful, dignified statesman instead of the elderly errand boy for a bloated, mad, ignorant dictator-in-waiting, "The framers believed that there should never, ever be a partisan impeachment." There were no goddamn political parties when the Constitution was written. Fucking hell.

Alexander bemoans the "partisan" nature of the House vote for the articles of impeachment, yet, weirdly, doesn't seem to have any problem with witnesses being blocked from testifying by a vote of just Republicans. Apparently, "partisan" only means "Democrats." 

We are moving into a degradation of this country's checks and balances the likes of which we haven't seen. Sometimes I think it's more important for Democrats to take back the Senate than it is to win the presidency. That way, Democrats can assert the power of the Legislative Branch in full and restore some kind of fuckin' balance. 


No, Republicans, You're Fucking Lying About Biden and the Ukrainian Prosecutor

From the EU Observer, September 4, 2015: "The new prosecution chiefs - first Oleh Mahnitskyi, then Vitaly Yarema, now Viktor Shokin - have presided over a system which still looks more like a crime syndicate than a law enforcement agency...Shokin also caused scandals by trying to quash anti-corruption probes into his clan."

From the Kyiv Post, February 15, 2016: "Deputy Prosecutor General Vitaly Kasko, who was given the job of cleaning up a corrupt, politically subservient and ineffective institution employing 15,000 prosecutors, quit on Feb. 15. In this farewell press conference, Kasko cited corruption and sabotage by General Prosecutor Viktor Shokin in combatting corruption and instituting the rule of law. 'The same political interference, direct and total pressure on investigators and prosecutors, intentional professional degradation, inaction and impunity hide behind the screen of an allegedly reformed body,' Kasko said. 'The Prosecutor General’s Office is currently a dead body, and no one believes in its independence and efficiency anymore'...The developments come as Shokin, despite working for a year in one of the most corrupt and lawbreaking nations in Europe, has failed to submit a single high-profile criminal case to court."

From Radio Free Europe/Radio Liberty, March 28, 2016: "Scores of protesters have rallied in the Ukrainian capital, demanding the resignation of the country’s top prosecutor, who has been repeatedly criticized as an impediment to badly needed anticorruption reforms."

From the Irish Times, March 29, 2016: "The European Union has welcomed the dismissal of Ukraine’s scandal-ridden prosecutor general and called for a crackdown on corruption...Ukraine’s parliament voted overwhelmingly to fire Viktor Shokin, ridding the beleaguered prosecutor’s office of a figure who is accused of blocking major cases against allies and influential figures and stymying moves to root out graft."

Yeah, a lot of people thought Viktor Shokin had to go. And not a goddamn one of them gave a happy monkey fuck about Hunter fuckin' Biden.

You know who else didn't give damn about Hunter Biden or Burisma? The fuckin' Congress. Yeah, in the Congressional Record for the 114th and 115th Congress (which covers 2015-2018), neither "Burisma" nor "Hunter Biden" are brought up. Not once. And Republicans were running the joint the entire time. Both houses. Why the fuck didn't they care? Why the fuck didn't Trump's Justice Department care starting in 2017?

You know what Republicans talked about in 2018? How fuckin' much they wanted the United States to continue to help Ukraine in its conflict with Russia. Here's what Iliena Ros-Lentinin of Florida said on December 18: "We must demonstrate by our words and actions that we remain fully
committed to assisting the people of Ukraine to defend their country." Indeed, before any of this shit, support for Ukraine was bipartisan and no one fucking talked about holding up money because of corruption once Shokin, the guy who didn't fight corruption, was gone.

The defense of Donald Trump in his impeachment trial has been a lesson in how emphatically you can lie and not pay any goddamn price. Every time one of the lawyers on Trump's team opens their filthy whore mouths, they lie. Every time they try to justify Trump's actions. they lie. And every time they mention Joe and Hunter Biden, they lie so extravagantly and so excessively that a righteous God would pop their heads like bloody zits. That'd be some motherfuckin' fact-checking.

You can say that it's shitty that the children of political leaders are given sweet jobs. But you sure as hell better say that about every child of every politician who gets that deal. Or about the children of a certain president who get trademarks and access to people that they never would have been able to get without Dad in the White House.

It's fucking amazing how degraded and devolved Republicans continue to be. They have decided to shitcan any law, all ethics, and any fact that threatens the power of their idiot king. They've decided that democracy is for pussies. And rules are for suckers. And go fuck yourself if you dare call them on it. Now, let's get this dictatorship in gear before 2020 fucks it up.

(By the way, you know that George W. Bush appointed Hunter Biden to the board of Amtrak? He wasn't a fucking locomotive engineer either. That's how this shit goes. Oh, and he was approved unanimously by a Republican Senate in 2006. Mitch McConnell and Lindsey Graham and the rest of the current cocks who were there in '06 didn't fucking care that Biden didn't know how a train works.)


Advice to Elizabeth Warren: Campaign on Burning the Republicans Down

So we're now facing the prospect of the Democratic nominee for president being an old white guy despite the fact that the last white guy to win for the Democrats was back in 1996. And, yes, your preferred old white guy is just fine. I'm not really talking about them here. I'm talking about Elizabeth Warren.

Once close to eclipsing Joe Biden in the polls, Warren has now fallen to at least third and sometimes fourth behind other white guy Pete Buttigieg. Part of that has to do with a fear of "Who can stand up to Trump?" (look, every candidate would destroy Trump on facts at a debate, but the only one who could have taken his bluster and made him look like the fucking tool he is was Kamala Harris, but, well, we fucked that up), part is the sexist comfort with the old white guys (shit, Bloomberg has finally spent enough money to make it into double digits), part is that she's so earnest that people mistrust it (see Cory Booker), and tons of other factors. 

I support Warren (Bernie is my second choice and I'll support any Democrat who's nominated, so no fucking whining), but I think she needs to go big. Not with her plans and ideas, which are already big and numerous and mostly great. No, big with a full-frontal attack on Republicans. See, while Joe Biden talks about his magical ability to cooperate with the same senators and House members who shit all over him and President Obama and while Bernie Sanders plans to use some kind of mesmerism to get the GOP to go along with what the majority of the country wants when they have never given a shit about that, Warren should go full-throated with "Fuck the GOP. They need to be torn putrid limb from putrid limb." (She might want to leave out the "Fuck" part.)

Lest you think I'm mansplaining to a strong speaker and almost scarily intelligent thinker like Warren, all I'm really doing is saying that she should synthesize some things she's already brought up into a focused message. 

This month, Warren announced a plan called, unsubtly, "Restoring Integrity and Competence to Government After Trump," and it contains the foundation for burning the GOP to the motherfucking ground. A few highlights include firing all political appointees put in by Trump; creating a Justice Department Task Force to look into Trump-era lawbreaking, including bribery and immigration law violations; and changing the process for contractor selection (or, more precisely, going back to what it was before Trump).  Think for a moment about how many current Republican elected officials will be caught up if such a task force goes whole hog after corruption. Just that last one, on contractors, will ruin Mitch McConnell and so many others. 

As if that wasn't enough, Warren has also pledged to release "every document related to this impeachment inquiry that the administration has been hiding." Again, think about who that would implicate. Start with Devin "Fucked by a Cow" Nunes and a barrel of House Republicans. If done right, people will be forced to resign from office, if not get thrown in jail. 

I'm not saying other candidates don't have ideas about how to handle Republican malfeasance. But Warren has moved to make it more central to her campaign. And I think it's time for her to amp it up before she fades even further as a candidate.

Look, I (and many others) have repeatedly said that one of the mistakes of the Obama administration was, to put it simply, letting the Bush administration and its enablers get away with it. The fact that no one was prosecuted for the war in Iraq, for the torture policy, for the near-collapse of the world economy essentially wiped the slate clean for others to eventually do worse. And, as I (and many others) have repeatedly said, the 2006 and 2008 elections had punishing Republicans implicit in their heavily Democratic outcomes. Not doing so has led to the GOP breaking every norm, violating every tradition, and wrecking the joint with Trump.

So Warren could make a speech where she says, in so many words, "These motherfuckers have ruined it. They've been ruining it. And I'm not gonna let them get away with it. If you broke the law, bitch, you're going to prison. If you helped the orange dick in the White House cover shit up, we're  running you out of town." Hell, she should show them the fuckin' red, white, and blue fist-shaped Strap-On of Justice she'll use to ream out their asses. 

There is a significant contingent of Democrats who are dying from being thirsty for some kind of vengeance against the party that has taken Hope and Change and buried it alive. Warren could tap into that thirst and use the rage to boost her votes so she can get around to all the things she's got a plan for.


Republicans Believe the United States Is So Weak That It Couldn't Handle Removing Trump from Office

There are so many arguments that Republicans make regarding the impeachment of Donald Trump that range from blatant bullshit to explosive diarrhea. The laughably hypocritical cries of "Democrats hate this president" are lost every time Trump himself calls Democrats "traitors" who "hate the United States" and are "radical left" "socialists." And, yes, we all remember how Republicans acted like a lynch mob when it came to Barack Obama. So, you know, go fuck each other with your "hate" accusation.

The one that pisses me off more than any other is that "Democrats want to overturn the 2016 election." On the most basic level, this is utterly and completely false. We don't rewind to November 2016 and declare Hillary Clinton the winner. Goddamn Mike Pence becomes president. Every judge fisted through Mitch McConnell's Senate sphincter still has their job, including odious cuntfleas Neil Gorsuch and Brett Kavanaugh. Shit, everyone Trump appointed would probably be safer in their jobs than if Trump remains president. And, frankly, Republicans are more obsessed with 2016 now than Democrats are because they know, they fucking know, that Trump's victory is illegitimate and they have to do everything in their power to not let that fact become viral.

But even beyond, you know, facts, there is an insult to the American people in the assertion that somehow Trump's impeachment and removal from office would so upset Americans that they couldn't take it. It's like they want us to think that, for some reason, Donald fuckin' Trump, who is an overloaded garbage barge in an ill-fitting suit, is so intrinsic to the existence of the United States that the republic would crumble without him. And, surely, some of his most loyal chuds would have to learn to live without the center of their universe, but they can hock all that MAGA gear for cash for more oxy to ease the pain.

You know what would happen if Trump were removed? We'd all fucking breathe a sigh of relief, even a whole lot of Republicans. It'd be like the guards at the end of the film The Wizard of Oz after the Wicked Witch is melted, when the previously cruel men bow down and thank Dorothy for ridding them of her. Jesus, we'd all treat Adam Schiff like a god for freeing us.

"You want to overturn the 2016 election"? That ship has sailed. But you know which ship is still in port? The fucking 2018 election. You know what happened there? Republicans got reamed out in the House of Representatives. You know why? Because Americans wanted to see Donald Trump impeached. I've said it before: The message of 2018 was to go after the dumb orange motherfucker in the White House.

So, no, dicks, we're not overturning the 2016 election. We're honoring the results of the 2018 one. You got a problem with that shit? Take it up with Alexander Hamilton. Amend the Constitution. Otherwise, suck on Article 1.

One other thing: Republicans keep saying that Trump may have fucked up, but it doesn't rise to "high crimes and misdemeanors." And I keep coming back to the word "misdemeanors" because, well, it seems like the people who wrote that were thinking, "There might be some little shit that's not worth putting someone in prison for, but it certainly indicates that a motherfucker shouldn't be president. Yeah, we should include that." We've all done a misdemeanor or two, like public drunkenness or trespassing or disorderly conduct or a little Molly.  Maybe violated an oath.

Either way, though, the presentations over the last two days by Democrats have proven that Trump is plainly, extravagantly guilty of a bunch of shit, large and small, so the point's a bit moot. Tonight, in particular, Schiff has been brilliant in starkly presenting Trump as a feckless, narcissistic dupe for anyone who will glorify him and give him power. His final speech tonight was the closest I've seen to someone finally just burning the whole thing down.

Either way, though, Republicans will be unmoved, but they will keep slinging this bullshit rhetoric all the way through 2020. Sling it back at them.


Random Observations on a Cover-Up (Impeachment Trial Rules Edition)

1. Early yesterday (well, early for me), I made a prediction that democracy's maggot, Mitch McConnell, would allow for some changes in his ludicrously stringent rules for the Senate impeachment trial of Donald Trump. I said that he would give in on the timeline of the opening statements, which were a punishing 24 hours over 2 days for each side, and on the admittance of evidence from the House investigation, which was going to require a vote on every piece introduced.  I thought that it would come in a vote on an amendment from the Democrats, but, instead, McConnell made the changes (three days and accepting all evidence unless there is objection) before anything got started. This was the bone he tossed to give cover to the so-called "moderates," Susan Collins, Lisa Murkowski, Mitt Romney, and Corey Gardner, along with the retiring Lamar Alexander. It will be the only ground McConnell gives. The fix is in so deeply that it would be impossible to pull it out of the clenched anus of the GOP.

2. Yes, you're right. Democratic House managers were incredible yesterday. They were so well-prepared, so eloquent, so passionate about the sanctity of the country, so filled with magnificent retorts and one-liners. It was the kind of ass kicking that even a barely literate electorate would watch, think, "Holy shit, Trump is just a motherfucker and so are these Republican motherfuckers in the Senate," and rise up to shut shit down until all Republicans were all chased out of town. But we are civic illiterates now, just hoping that we can live and die without anyone downvoting our Reddit comments.

3. Yes, you're right. Trump's legal team acted like a bunch of drunk frat douches (including fucking corrupt Pam Bondi) who knew their dads had already paid off the dean to make sure they get good grades so they can play on the lacrosse team this semester. They railed and ranted at the Democrats, accusing them of everything from hypocrisy to flat-out murdering the founders. They heaped praise on Trump, because of course they did. They talked shit and shit lies. They did everything but actually address a single fact. And they won't. They're giving a book report without having read the book. And they know they can do it because Mitch McConnell has already promised that this is a big fuckin' show that they're forced to go through because of that goddamn Constitution, which he can't actually rip up but would if he could.

4. We know how this ends. We know that the likelihood that there will be witnesses is the same likelihood that McConnell's face muscles will function like a normal human being's. And any conviction has the same probability that Lindsey Graham will remove his tongue from Donald Trump's asshole. The GOP does not have honorable people. They are cowards and punks and bitches and worms, dead frightened that Trump will say something fucked-up about them and unleash his bot and bastard online army to threaten to rape their dogs.

5. So if we know the outcome, then what's the game about? It's about 2020, obviously. It's about winning the Senate. It's about peeling away as many putative independents to tell Collins and Gardner to shove their moderation up their Trump-humping peeholes. The message should be as clear as possible: We're impeaching Trump now because he was trying to fuck with the 2020 election. If we waited until after the election, he'd have fucked with it. And Susan Collins and Mitch McConnell and the rest wanted his criminal ass to get away with it.

5a. Oh, and by the way, Trump still doesn't believe there was interference on his behalf in 2016, and McConnell has refused to do a goddamn thing to protect our elections.

5a. This is where the near-complete abandonment of the Mueller Report hurts Democrats. They could forcefully assert that Trump's attempt to get dirt on Biden was part of a pattern of soliciting foreign interference. But Democrats ended up allowing Trump and pudgy doom muffin William Barr set the terms of discussion of the report.

6. So we're getting a bullshit exercise in futility with this trial. But you should absolutely pass around clips of Hakeem Jeffries reaming Jay Sekulow. You should tell everyone about what a cockknob Pat Cipollone is. And you should campaign for whatever Democrats promise to burn the GOP to the ground and piss on the ashes.


Martin Luther King Would Still Fuck Trump's Shit Up (2020 Edition)

Of course, the statement from Donald Trump's White House on Martin Luther King, Jr. Day would contain bullshit and bluster. The bluster is that Trump, who, with his terrible father, once excluded African Americans from their precious Queens condos, is making life better for black Americans when Barack Obama lit that economic fire that Trump has just not extinguished. The bullshit is this line: "The premise—and promise—of King’s dream is that we don’t need to replace or transform our Nation’s shared ideals to make our country a better place."

King talked about transformation of America's ideals for his entire life. Hell, in one of his last speeches, he talked about how "With this faith we will be able to transform the jangling discords of our nation into a beautiful symphony of brotherhood." Indeed, his entire bullet-shortened life was devoted to saying that the status quo was not to be accepted, and that if certain "shared ideals" got us to this point, those ideals needed to be shitcanned (my word, not his). He had no use for the noise of conciliation. "A genuine leader is not a searcher for consensus, but a molder of consensus," he really did say (as opposed to all those fake quotes that float around Facebook memes.).

The above quotes are from a 1968 sermon. But I want to go back a decade, to his 1958 "Address Delivered at a Meeting Launching the SCLC Crusade for Citizenship at Greater Bethel AME Church" in Miami. In that speech, he assailed anyone who tried to prevent black people from exercising their right to vote (and he was very clear that it's a right, not a "privilege"). In doing so, King proved again that he would fuck up the shit of President Trump and the entire Republican Party.  It was delivered on Lincoln's birthday as part of a big push by the Southern Christian Leadership Council to register voters.

Laying out how things should radically progress for black Americans, King said: "Let us make our intentions crystal clear. We must and we will be free. We want freedom now. We want the right to vote now. We do not want freedom fed to us in teaspoons over another 150 years. Under God we were born free. Misguided men robbed us of our freedom. We want it back; we would keep it forever. This is not idle chatter, for we know that sacrifice is involved, that brutality will be faced, that savage conduct will need to be endured, that slick trickery will need to be overcome, but we are resolutely prepared for all of this. We are prepared to meet whatever comes with love, with firmness and with unyielding nonviolence. We are prepared to press on unceasingly and persistently, to obtain our birthright and to hand it down to our children and to their children’s children."

And then, in one of those things that could have been written today, King lays the blame squarely at the feet of what we now call "red states" and on a political system invested in disenfranchisement: "Poor white men, women and children, bearing the scars of ignorance, deprivation, and poverty, are evidence of the fact that harm to one is injury to all. They, too, are victims of the one-party system that has developed in the South, a system that denies free political choice and real political expression to millions of white voters. With a limited electorate capable of being manipulated, reactionary men gained access to the highest legislative bodies of government. Today, because the Negro cannot vote, Congress is dominated by Southern Senators and representatives who are not elected in a fair nor in a legal manner. The strategic position of these men, as chairmen of the most important committees in House and Senate, enable them to filibuster and to bottle up legislation urgently needed for the economic and social welfare of all Americans, Negro and white. Hence, it may clearly be seen that it is not the Negro alone who suffers but the nation as a whole."

You got that, you cowardly motherfucking conservatives who desperately need to crush the radical Martin Luther King and remake him in your degraded image? King had your fucking number. He was beginning already in 1958 to push for a movement that would lift all people. And that scared the shit out of white politicians as much as allowing black people to vote and have power. Because if those poor whites figured out that the enemy wasn't their fellow poor people of another color but the rich pukes who kept them poor, the game was over. So the right retrenched on the racism and split the poor by exploiting the ignorance and prejudices of white people.

Martin Luther King would fuck our shit up today, still, because he saw our anti-democratic government for what it was. It's a goddamned shame that we still have done very little about it since the Civil Rights Act. Trump can take his "shared ideals" and shove them up his orange ass.


Trump Loses Any Time He's Judged Objectively

This week, the Government Accountability Office, essentially the federal government's rule enforcer and auditor, located in the Legislative branch, put out a decision that the Trump administration violated the law when it withheld funds from Ukraine that Congress had appropriated for that country. The law that was broken is the Impoundment Control Act, which says that the president can only hold back funds if he or she asks Congress to do so. The law itself is very clear on how the president is supposed to inform Congress by a "special message" that includes several conditions. Donald Trump, of course, didn't inform Congress at all.

By the way, the law was passed by overwhelming bipartisan margins in 1973 and 1974 before being signed by Richard Nixon, who was, you know, a Republican.

The GAO's decision is pretty starkly clear: "Faithful execution of the law does not permit the President to substitute his own policy priorities for those that Congress has enacted into law.  In fact, Congress was concerned about exactly these types of withholdings when it enacted and later amended the ICA."

And it's fucking pissed at Trump and his Office of Management and Budget: "OMB and State have failed, as of yet, to provide the information we need to fulfill our duties under the ICA regarding potential impoundments of FMF [foreign military financing] funds...We consider a reluctance to provide a fulsome response to have constitutional significance.  GAO’s role under the ICA—to provide information and legal analysis to Congress as it performs oversight of executive activity—is essential to ensuring respect for and allegiance to Congress’ constitutional power of the purse.  All federal officials and employees take an oath to uphold and protect the Constitution and its core tenets, including the congressional power of the purse."

You got that? Trump violated the damn law and told Congress to go fuck itself, and the White House's refusal to allow for any oversight is simply shitting on the oath of office. Although, really, considering that Trump-humping GOP senators took an oath to be objective in the impeachment trial, oaths don't really carry any weight for these disloyal pig fellaters.

The other thing that the GAO's statement demonstrates is a truism that has held throughout Trump's entire career: almost always, when an objective legal entity looks at Trump and the law, Trump loses or has to settle. He nearly invariably is shown to be a fucking scumbag. Of course, frustratingly, while he's lost, he has never faced consequences worse than losing some money. Others, like Michael Cohen, have, but not Trump. Still, Trump's record with his major cases is simply one of failure and loss.

(Note: "Objectivity," of course, is totally subjective. I'm saying that it exists when it doesn't involve someone who is a Trump toady, lackey, appointee, or Fox "news" regular guest. "Objective" means "relatively untainted by Trump.")

You could go with the Trump University fraud (settled for a $25 million payout), the Trump Foundation case (settled for a $2 million payout, an admission of misuse of funds, and a shuttering of the damn thing), or maybe the casino lobbying case from 2000 (settled for a $250,000 fine to avoid criminal prosecution over illegal lobbying).

Here's the thing: you don't pay millions of dollars in a settlement if you think you're innocent. You pay it just to stop a case before shit gets worse. In other words, so you can skate.

If there is one reason that Trump is losing his tiny fucked mind over impeachment and the Senate trial is because, in the minutely small possibility that shit goes south for him and Republicans grow a conscience (or dread facing a public that turns against them), there isn't dick he can do. Hell, he's fucked if witnesses are called. And he knows this. But there is no settlement this time. No deal to be made other than him quitting, and even then the SDNY is ready to cuff him.

He also knows that he's already, to some degree, lost by not stopping impeachment. He will forever be tied to Clinton and, even though he wasn't officially impeached, Nixon (I doubt he knows who Andrew Johnson is). His worse fear is being a loser, being mocked or laughed at, and he's already a loser and an object of derision.

The point here is that if the Senate were to actually have a "fair trial," Trump would be fucked beyond fucked. That's what Mitch McConnell and Lindsey Graham and others have to prevent, and they'll likely be successful. I'm sure they'll come up with some way to calm down Romney, Murkowski, and other so-called "moderate Republicans." But there is always hope, however infinitesimal.

I just have to wonder: How fucking compromised do you have to be to wreck everything about the Constitution to support Donald fuckin' Trump? How low do you have to be? That's a question that we need answered some day.


Reminder: If You Defend Trump, You're Not Just Defending a Criminal. You're Enabling an Idiot.

Every time we click on the Twitter, we see that there is some new depth to which Donald Trump's criminality and venality and narcissism has sunk. In the latest, it looks like Lev Parnas, a power-hungry troll right out of hell's Central Casting, worked in coordination with ghoulish soul-sucker Rudy Giuliani and bloated Trump taint-licker Robert Hyde to spy on and, perhaps, at least entertain the idea of murdering then-U.S. Ambassador to Ukraine Marie Yovanovitch (Note: Parnas denied this outright in his interview with Rachel Maddow). The very foundation of the White House should have crumbled from revulsion at this point, but our capacity for scandal and shame has been calibrated to the point of uselessness. We need pitchforks and torches; we can barely manage to glance above our touchscreens because, well, really, what's the fucking use, right?

So if you're a Trump defender, whether one of his scum voters or a craven congressional worm, you're obviously comfortable with having a fucking criminal lead you because it makes you feel big and important. You're a failure of a human being, but fuck it. You gave up giving a shit when it turned out the Negro president was actually good at his job so you had to ignore reality and disappear into the Fox "news" matrix to survive. Now you're just a vessel getting pumped with a fantasy that comforts you and bears no relationship to the actual world. 

And that means ignoring the blatant, pathetic, obvious truth that Donald Trump is not just a fucking criminal. He's a fucking dolt. He proves that every single time he opens that reverse garbage disposal of a mouth. Your mighty president really said this last night at his Rally of the Narrow-Eyed Dumbfucks in Milwaukee:

"I'm also approving new dishwashers that give you more water, so you can actually wash and rinse your dishes without having to do it. Ten times, four: five, six, seven, eight, nine, ten. Anybody have a new dishwasher? I’m sorry for that. I’m sorry for that. It’s worthless! They give you so little water. You ever see it? Air comes out, so little water. So what happens? You end up using it 10 times, and the plates, then you take them out and do them the old-fashioned way, right? But what do you do? You’re spending 10 times for the electricity, right? So I’m putting the water back. Most places have so much water they don’t know what the hell to do with it. A lot of people don’t realize that.
So dishwashers, now, you’re going to have just as much as you’ve ever had, and you’re going to use now one shot, your dishes are going to be beautiful."

Let's pause here for two things. First, new dishwashers are fucking amazing and anyone who doesn't know that is so out of touch it's ridiculous. Yeah, it takes a little longer. Fuck you if that's a problem. Have a drink and chill. If you're complaining about dishwashers, you're sucking Koch brother cock because, of course, those oil-filthy sons of bitches don't want anything that's energy efficient. 

And, second, listen to the crowd actually cheer for this bulbous dickhead as he rants about dishwashers and toilets.  He's blatantly lying and exaggerating, but the coprophagic yahoos gobble this shit like it's falling from crucified Christ's dead asshole. That's the point, right? To make sure that everyone goes along with his stupid. To reveal just how decadently dumb the country is.

The evening went on with Trump agreeing with a numbnuts in the crowd and saying of Democrats, "They are traitors, when you think about it." The drooling cretins screamed their approval. He said, again about Democrats, "These people are sick, but they're the party of late-term abortion, socialism, and corruption." People in a state that received over $350 million in subsidies to help its farms booed socialism.

There's a moment in Trump's hee-haw rally in Toledo last week that has stuck with me. He was bragging about how the Iraqi and American forces handled the recent riots at the American embassy in Baghdad, comparing it to the attack on the consulate in Benghazi, Libya in 2012. This is what Trump said last Thursday: "We did it exactly the opposite of Benghazi, where they got there so late. All they saw when they got there days later were burning embers from days before. It's all they saw. We got there very early. We saw what was happening. I saw what was happening. I said what's that all about? And that was going to be another Benghazi had they broken through the final panels of glass."

The "attack" on the embassy on December 31, 2019, was comprised of protesters pushing in, breaking some shit, and lighting some fires. It was quickly broken up with tear gas and by the protesters themselves, who backed off. The attack on the Benghazi consulate was by organized militias using grenades, mortars, and automatic weapons (and forces didn't get there "days later;" it was within hours). It's like comparing a stubbed toe to having your foot chopped off. But this motherfucker in the White House will hype every goddamn thing he does and degrade anything done by anyone else. 

The House of Representatives just delivered the Articles of Impeachment to the Senate in one of our weird-ass rituals. The trial will start next week. Republicans will be defending a blatant criminal, a violent coward, and a rank moron, declaring that he must be allowed to complete his term and even be reelected. That says something sad and depressing about every single Republican and every single Republican voter. 

Goddamn, don't you even think you deserve better? Or, perhaps, this dumb motherfucker really is the best you can do and you gotta cling to him like parasites on a plump body.


This Cowardly Nation Has Learned Nothing Since the Iraq War

Donald Trump is a coward. This much we must agree on before moving on. Everything he does, everything he has done, is based on his soul-draining fears. He fears that he will not be perceived as a success, a tough guy, a charmer, a winner of everything. He lashes out at anyone who foments those fears, those who tell him he's wrong, or those who want to hinder him. He is driven by his panic that everyone will find out that he is entirely a fake, entirely a fraud. He is running away from the legacy of the still-beloved Barack Obama and the laughter that accompanies any comparison between him and the last president. Just like the buildings and products and businesses, he is merely a body, a vessel that has the word "Trump" stamped on it, and, goddamnit, that name better mean something or it all crumbles. In the business world, this led him to wildly overspend and wrongly invest, which led him to need financing from the skeeviest elements in the banking system, which led him to the presidency, which led us to this pivotal moment, one pivotal moment among far, far too many.

But we know that. We knew that when he started talking and blustering about all the ways he would kick this person's ass or that country's balls. A man who uses the phrase "bomb the shit out of them" when talking about a bunch of bedraggled, starving terrorists who live among civilians who don't want them there hasn't an ounce of courage in him. We know that we have been led by cowards who talk tough about the enemy because it's all they can do to cover up for their intense cowardice that hangs like a vulture ready to peck out their eyes. Mostly Republicans, yes, but too often pathetic Democrats join in this mask of bloodlust.

There is another kind of cowardice, the fear of action, the fear that if you say what you mean, reveal what you know, show where the bodies are buried, that you yourself will suffer even if it means stopping the suffering of, oh, hell, let's say the world.

The specific cowards I'm talking about here are the ones who proclaim anonymously to friends in the media and in the political world that what Trump is doing is wrong, is madness, and is opposed by people around him. This Twitter thread from Reza Marashi with "career U.S. government officials" talking about the breakdown of the entire foreign policy apparatus of the country is a good example, and there was a time where we could forgive people who are twenty years into their careers and just wanted to put food on the table for not wanting the wrath of Trump and his bot army and Fox "news."

But not anymore. Because, see, we did this fuckin' dance before. We did the whole "many people knew" but didn't say on the record jig on weapons of mass destruction in Iraq. Now we're doing it again, this time with Iran and every other impending disaster. Democrats will tell us, "I've spoken to Republican colleagues who said Trump is wrong." And then there are the Republicans who speak to each other or to their favorite reporters without attribution that they are queasy about what Trump is shitting out today.

Look at this article from Politico in November. Once you wipe off the oozy glaze of insider jizz that is spewed across every Politico article, you get a glimpse of the depth of the cowardice of the Republican Party. The article is ostensibly about the treatment of Francis Rooney, a second-term Republican from Florida who dared to get bolder about his dislike of Trump.

Just a sample:

"Venting privately about the U.S. president has become a hallowed pastime in Republican-controlled Washington, a sort of ritualistic release for those lawmakers tasked with routinely defending the indefensible."

"Of course, the yawning delta between what Republicans feel privately and what they say publicly has been a defining theme of the Trump era."

"There is a sizable number of Republican senators and representatives who believe Trump’s actions are at least theoretically impeachable, who believe a thorough fact-finding mission is necessary, who believe his removal from office is not an altogether radical idea."

Every single motherfucking one of those Republicans is a goddamned coward, afraid of what Trump will do if they dare say that criminal is a criminal, that a madman is a madman, that an idiot is an idiot. And now we might be sending more soldiers to die and allowing untold thousands of civilians to die in another stupid, useless war based on a gruel of lies that's so thin that not even Colin Powell could force it down.

Democrats need to out the Republicans who oppose Trump privately. Make them have to deny or defend themselves. Reporters need to burn their sources. That last quote up there is "from dozens of interviews with GOP lawmakers, congressional aides and White House staffers over the past month." How many people need to die in order for a Politico reporter to scoop those bastards at the Washington Post?

Time and again, the cowards allow their fear to wreck us. And you might say that you're not a coward, that you actually believe in a war with Iran and everything the president says. Well, then you're just an accomplice.

And those of us who allow them to get away with it time and again, for, indeed, the crisis we're in now is a direct result of not punishing those who caused the crisis last time, we also risk becoming accomplices.


Haiku Review of 2019: The Last Haiku (of 2019, That Is)

Yeah, yeah, officially it's 2020, but let's finish off 2019 with another bunch of haiku, submitted by you (maybe not you, but probably you). And then we'll put away the haiku machine for another year, assuming we survive this one.

And away we go...

From Pencederast from America in Ruins:

Our days in Trumpland
A grim ceaseless parade of
Huh? and what the fuck?

From Blake L:

Read Mueller's report
Tell me Trump did not obstruct
Then go fuck yourself.

From Sukatra:

Best Sex Ever
I'm imagining
a presidential jail cell.
Damn. Just orgasmed!

From Seattle Steamer:

Nancy moves on Trump
Like a bitch. They let you do
that when you're Speaker.

From Sheila in New York:

Mistress of the House
Living rent-free in Donald’s
Putin-controlled head

From Mel in rural Oregon:

When the chips are down
Nunes calls for his lawyer
To corral that cow.

From Kate in New York:

This year up in smoke
Marijuana busting loose
Growing like a weed

From Tom in Tucson:

A. G. Billy Barr
Wants his Jesus back pronto.
Democracy weeps.

From Grumpy, Esq:

War Criminal
Eddie Gallagher
Is the George Zimmerman of
William L. Calleys

From Defense Liberal in Maryland:

Swimming Lessons
Mar-a-Lago sinks
Beneath the warm rising seas
Foul faux Atlantis

From Zack in New Mexico:

Spoiler Alert
Innocent and old
I feel like Baby Yoda
Punched in the ruck sack

Now 2019 is done. Kick it to the curb and let's see if 2020 is gonna fuck up the joint more or help pay the rent.