Let the Nazi Scum Fuckers March in Portland

As a reaction to the Nazi scum fucker who murdered two men and injured another on a train in Portland, Oregon, the mayor of that city in the Nazi-infested northwestern United States has refused permits for a pair of upcoming Nazi scum rallies and asked the federal government to pull the permit for a June 4 event. The rallies are sure to be filled with Nazis of various shades of white, various addictions to meth and/or opiates, various tattoos marking them as dumbfucks who deserve our scorn, and various levels of intelligence from "holy fuck, how do you breathe" all the way up to "good thing Wal-Mart hires," along with one or two parasitic worms who exploit the ignorance of the others. We call them "Richard Spencers."

The reason this is up to the feds is that the marches are scheduled to take place in Schrunk Plaza in downtown Portland, and that is run by the feds. They already granted a permit for the Nazi scum fuckers to have their confusingly-named "Trump Free Speech Rally" on June 4 (Is it free speech for Trump? What the hell?). Then, on June 10, the even stupider "March Against Sharia" is supposed to occur, part of a national event, where, no doubt, dozens of deranged white gobblers of Alex Jones's manly jizz will gather to signal that they don't want something that isn't happening and will never happen to happen. Ironically, it wasn't creeping Sharia that killed those two men in Portland. It was a combination of batshit crazy and Islamophobia.

Mayor Ted Wheeler makes some good points about why the rallies should be cancelled or rescheduled. As he said in a statement released today, "Our City is in mourning, our community’s anger is real, and the timing and subject of these events can only exacerbate an already difficult situation." He even attempts to appeal to the Nazi scum fuckers, acting all polite and shit: "I am appealing to the organizers of the alt-right demonstrations to CANCEL the events they have scheduled on June 4th and June 10th. I urge them to ask their supporters to stay away from Portland." Yeah, fuck "alt-right." It's Nazi. Maybe "white supremacist," if someone's going all Confederate flag and shit.

The problem, of course, is that there's always gonna be someone who thinks the time is wrong for a march or protest. As the good Wonkette bloggerizes, "If you ban the neo-Nazis, then you’ve set a precedent to ban protests after cops kill an unarmed black kid." And the ACLU is being pretty loud and clear about the rights of the Nazi scum fuckers. They have First Amendment guarantees, too. Free speech ain't pretty, but protect it or it'll be gone before you realize you're missing it.

Besides, wouldn't you like to know who these assholes, dicks, and cunts are? They mostly live in the shadows of their online caverns, spitting out stories with headlines like "Heroic Officer Who Put Down Rabid Dog Tamir Rice Railroaded" and "Trump Planning to Trim ‘Get Whitey’ Bureaucracies," jacking off to videos of cops shooting unarmed black men. Let the marches happen and we all get to see just how ridiculous they are, just how sad they are, clinging to Nazis and the Confederacy, just one defeated past or another, believing that the natural movement of populations is "white genocide," huffing hate so hard like they sprayed it into a paper bag. Jesus, they're so dragged down by poverty and so deluded by conspiracy theories, the kind that explain how shitty life is for them because of non-whites, something that's easier to grasp than "Rich white people did this to you."

Goddamnit, let the Nazi scum out into the sun so we know who to avoid on trains. Because right now, a lot of white men are fucking frightening (and, yes, Ricky Best and Taliesin Namkai Meche, the pair who were killed in Portland, are white men). They are murdering black men and Native Americans randomly, they are planning bombings, and they are beating and killing and harassing Muslims, like one of the two young women on the train in Portland.

Let them march. Let's see their faces so we know. Just so we know.

(By the way, wanna see a bunch of Nazi scum fuckers in Oregon die horribly? Watch The Green Room. Great flick.)


A Poem for Memorial Day

by Jennifer Pacanowski

The funeral procession from Syracuse airport to Ithaca NY was over 50 miles long.
Dragging his dead body through town after town of people, families and children waving flags.
The fallen HERO had finally come home.
I wonder how many children who saw this, will someday want to be dead HEROES too.
I did not wave a flag that day or anyway since my return.
I still can't help but think that could have been me, but it wasn’t.

The hero was hit by a suicide bomber on a motorcycle, struggled to live but didn’t make it.
That was not me.

I was missed by IEDs, bullets, mortars, RPGs.
Is it luck?
Was it training?
Was it GOD?
Was it the Devil?
Why did I survive only to come home to a war with an invisible enemy in my own skin?

I live in a dream called my life. Where the good things don't seem real or sustainable.
I live in the nightmares of the past called Iraq and PTSD that never run out of fuel.

Is it better to be a dead hero?
Or a living fucked up, addicted, crazy veteran?

Suicide rates soar, but no one calls them heroes.
So, on this day, I'm going to have a parade for those brave young men and women that killed themselves.
I was not brave enough to follow through and I admire them.

These dead decided they couldn't live with who they became, who they are, accept what happened or find healing.
The barriers and obstacles that they weave through, while carrying the burden of war, consumes them with despair and failure,
And their actions are branded on the soul as reminders of what they did "over there,"
These failures are punishable by death.
To those who were able to escape death in a combat zone like true warriors,
But could not thrive in a society that does not understand them or help them understand themselves.
I wave my motherfucking flag.

The parades run every 80 minutes, blood drips from the small towns to the big cities, the grief consuming millions of miles.

Then I wonder,
WOULD those flag wavers ask...
Why are we there?
Why are we at war?
Why are the soldiers and marines killing themselves at home?
What have we done?
How cans this stop?

Or would they just duck their heads and wave their flags? For the dead heroes.


American Wreckage: Trump Is Radically Degrading the United States

Donald Trump was standing before one of the holy relics of the 21st-century: a twisted piece of the fallen World Trade Center, destroyed on September 11, 2001. It was a dedication ceremony at the new headquarters of the North Atlantic Treaty Organization, and speeches were being made about two memorials, one for the Berlin Wall and one for 9/11 and Article 5 of the treaty, which says that an attack on one NATO country is an attack on all of them. After 9/11, NATO invoked Article 5 for the first time, and, like a Megazord of justice, all the the allied nations in the organization joined with the United States to fight in Afghanistan.

I was in Denmark shortly after 9/11, and I met soldiers there, young Danes, who were on their way, proud to take part in a war on terror, however misguided it may have been, alongside the United States.

Introducing Donald Trump, who, we always remember with the shock and force of a cattle prod, is the president of the United States, NATO Secretary General Jens Stoltenberg said, "When our open and free societies come under attack, we stand up for our values and our way of life. That is why a strong NATO is good for Europe, and good for North America. The 9/11 and Article 5 Memorial will be a daily reminder of our vital bond."

And then Trump strode over to the lectern, dropped his pants, and shit all over the gathered leaders, shit all over the treaty itself, and, indeed, shit all over the 9/11 wreckage.

It must have been odd for the presidents and prime ministers to think that Trump, a mere few days ago, was standing in a golden palace in Saudi Arabia, praising the repressive, torturing, warmongering, terrorist-supporting Saudi monarchy. And then he stood alongside the barbaric leader of Israel, Benjamin Netanyahu, and gave him the kind of accolades reserved for saints. Even Angela Merkel, who has experienced firsthand Trump's shallow ignorance, must have just thought, "What the fuck?"

Because, see, Trump started his speech with his usual combination of false sorrow and bullshit bravado. "All people who cherish life must unite in finding, exposing, and removing these killers and extremists -- and, yes, losers," he said, repeating his latest moronic Trumpism. "They are losers." He did observe that the 9/11 attacks led to NATO "invoking for the first time in its history the Article 5 collective defense commitments."

And then shit got weird.

Again, just to remind you, this was a 9/11 memorial dedication ceremony. So when Trump started gushing about Saudi Arabia, where 15 of the hijackers came from, that was kinda fucked up. And then he said, "I spent much time with King Salman, a wise man who wants to see things get much better rapidly."

You know that more than one of the European heads of state wanted to raise a hand and say, "Um, maybe he should start at home. No, like, literally in his house." Or maybe someone wanted to tell Trump, "He's a king. We were all elected. What the fuck is wrong with you?"

And, again, it can't be said enough, this was a ceremony dedicated to the fall of the Berlin Wall and the way that nations came together under Article 5 of the NATO treaty, the T in NATO, to help the U.S. after 9/11, nations that lost soldiers in the war they joined under Article 5. Got it? Because then Trump outright fucking accused the countries represented there of being cheats and cheapskates, even though that's a complete and utter filthy lie. But that never stops our goddamn president.

"23 of the 28 member nations are still not paying what they should be paying and what they’re supposed to be paying for their defense," Trump said, completely ignoring that the member nations have until 2024 to meet that obligation. And, frankly, what the fuck gives this guy, who stiffs small contractors at his casinos, the right to even bring up debts owed, real or fake. But he went on, "This is not fair to the people and taxpayers of the United States. And many of these nations owe massive amounts of money from past years and not paying in those past years." And he kept going, like that douchey friend who doesn't think it's fair to split the restaurant bill evenly because he had water while everyone else got sodas. Fuck you, Don, you should have gotten a Coke.

Was Trump a complete dickhead? Of course, he was. He noted that he was in the new NATO building and said, "I never asked once what the new NATO Headquarters cost. I refuse to do that." It cost about a billion Euros. Yeah, it's expensive. You might wanna talk to some Republicans about the nearly billion dollar American embassy in Iraq for a cost comparison.

You know what Trump didn't do in his speech? He had pretty much already shit the bed, having shoved the prime minister of Montenegro aside so he could prance and preen for the camera, and having told the European Union members that Germany is "evil, very evil" for selling so many cars in the United States (which, funny story, they make in U.S. factories with American workers). But he didn't say that he supported Article 5. He didn't say that the United States would honor it, even though he was at an Article 5 memorial dedication. Instead, he implied that, unless the rest of NATO paid a protection fee, America wouldn't live up to its treaty obligations.

In a single meeting, Trump degraded the place of the United States in the world. He went to Brussels and was essentially a drunk businessman, fingering the help and pissing in the fountain. He allied us with dictators, kings, and madmen, and he told our long-time, most reliable allies that there was really going to be a new world order. Trump is a radical without a cause or an ideology. And it's fucking terrifying.

And, as with everything with this petulant, paranoid, petty president, it's an embarrassment.


Government of the Sick Fucks, by the Sick Fucks, and for the Sick Fucks (Part 1: Of)

There is a genre of news story lately that has gotten old really damn fast. It's the "Hey, here's a fucking dumbass who voted for Trump and is now gonna be fucked by him" variety. Essentially, a diligent reporter goes to some shitty place, finds one or more of the aforementioned dumbasses, and gets them to say something along the lines of "Well, Trump's budget and health care plan will leave me dying of cancer in a ditch while my Congress member pisses on me, but I still support my president."

For instance, on CNN, we meet Barbara Puckett of Beattyville, Kentucky, which is the deepest shithole for white people in the nation. Puckett's got sclerosis and is on Social Security disability and food stamps, both of which are on the cutting board in Donald Trump's savage budget. But she's not abandoning her man: ""I am still happy with President Trump," she said.

AP reporters headed out across the country to talk to a spectrum of people, from white idiots in New York to white morons in Georgia to white dolts in Iowa. They all agree that they couldn't give a happy monkey fuck about the stories about Trump and Russia. It's all lies or bullshit, they say. Or you just ignore it, as one Staten Island hairdresser said, "I didn’t want to be depressed. I don’t want to feel that he’s not doing what he said, so I just choose to not listen." A college student there offered his support by saying, "If you’re wishing for him to fail, you’re basically wishing for the pilot of the plane to crash." To which one could point out that if the pilot doesn't know how to fly the plane, all the wishing in the world ain't gonna help you.

(To be vaguely fair, one of the Staten Islanders did get off a decent joke. When asked if anything could turn him against Trump, a man replied, "If he gases his own people, yeah, I would be against him," which, c'mon, is kind of funny. Well, until Trump starts gassing Brooklyn.)

Back in April, Nicholas Kristof wrote about a whole bunch of Americans who will suffer if even a fraction of Trump's budget were to be passed (which, let's face it, is the goal in putting out such a nut-punchingly vicious document). They include a 70-year-old woman in Tulsa, Oklahoma, who is dependent on a job from the Senior Community Service Employment Program, which Trump has proposed slashing. She voted for the president because "he was talking about getting rid of those illegals," of course. If the program is cut, she said, "I’ll sit home and die."

But like almost everyone in these stories, she says she would vote for Trump in 2020. That's just sick. These are sick fucks who don't care if the god they worship wants to kill them.

The best mark in a con is the kind who doesn't believe they've been conned, even when the con is revealed. Either they are so embarrassed that it's easier just to double down on the delusion or they're that fucking stupid. And, in the end, it doesn't matter because they'll line up to be fleeced again.

Another genre of news story is of the wishful thinking variety. They say things like "Trump's Budget Cuts Target His Voters" or "Wait Until Trump's Supporters See the Size of the Dildo He's Fucking Them With" or "Man, Grandpa's Gonna Be Mad When He Catches Trump Stabbing His Grandkids." And they all posit a fantasy that Trump will cross some line, be it with health care or other cuts, or even in his canoodling with Russia, that will make his followers turn against him.

It's the same sort of hoping without any evidence that got us Trump in the first place. I've said it before: Fuck the dumbasses. The hell with the sick fucks. Don't court them. Don't count on them. Build up the outreach to the people who didn't vote. And then get elected and pass programs that help the dumbasses and everyone else.


Trump Abroad: Let's Hear It for the Rainbow Tour

Unlike your run-o'-the-mill members of the punditocracy, I refuse to pretend that I know shit that I know I don't know. I'm not gonna dissect the ins and outs of Brexit or the upcoming German election because fuck if I understand it. I comprehend a little bit about the distinctions between Sunni Muslims and Shiite Muslims, but no one's inviting me onto the BBC to answer questions, thank Allah.

However, I do know fucked up. And it's pretty fucked up that the United States has gone from supporting the Sunni with Saddam Hussein to supporting the Shiite in ousting Saddam Hussein and shitcanning all the Sunni in Iraq to supporting the Sunni because fuck those Shiite Iranians and let's ignore the fact that ISIS is Sunni. That was one of the gists of President Donald Trump's sleepy maunder of a speech in Riyadh, Saudi Arabia. Shit's complicated, man, shit's complicated. That's why you don't take a side in a 1000-year battle that you don't understand.

The once-mighty criticizer of Saudi Arabia was a bowing, curtsying little bitch, continuing Trump's pattern of folding like a dog, as he might say, whenever he's in the presence of a world leader whose country he's shit on. He was blowing the Saudi leaders like a desperate old porn star trying to prove that he's still got what it takes. And that just scratches the surface of the bullshit contradictions within the speech itself, as well as the mind-boggling array of flip-flops.

For instance, Trump said, "We are not here to lecture — we are not here to tell other people how to live, what to do, who to be, or how to worship." Essentially, that's the President of the United States telling a bunch of corrupt, murderous, terrorist-supporting, women-abusing, gay-murdering theocrats that "It's all good, babe." Meanwhile, further on in the speech, Trump specifically did lecture Iran on how to live, etc. "The Iranian regime's longest-suffering victims are its own people. Iran has a rich history and culture, but the people of Iran have endured hardship and despair under their leaders' reckless pursuit of conflict and terror," he said, apparently willing to overlook the hardship and despair of a good chunk of the Saudi population, as well as Iran's implicit desire to liberalize and open up (even if the religious leaders there are holding it back).

Trump also remarked, "Among Iran's most tragic and destabilizing interventions have been in Syria," and, well, okay, but, you know, the Saudis have been bombing the shit out of Yemen and the arms deal Trump just made guarantees more misery.

It's not that President Obama didn't make arms deals with Saudi Arabia, with negotiation assistance from Hillary Clinton. It's not that the Clinton Foundation didn't take money from Saudi Arabia. It's that Trump made a big goddamn show of how he was going to be different, and he's not. He's just a pathetic suck-up, only wanting to trash the progress made in Iran out of his continuing spite against Obama, not out of any real understanding or even interest in the region beyond whether Turkey or Jordan will approve the next Trump building. Shit, Iranian President Rouhani should tell Ivanka that they can build a hotel in Tehran.

If you go from stating "I think Islam hates us" to praising the religion effusively, as Trump did, you are admitting that either you didn't know shit about what you were talking, the very shit that got you elected, and now you know better. Or you're just a capricious dick, willing to say nice things to whomever is putting a gold necklace around your bowed head. Or you're Donald Trump, and you're both, covered in a special spice of not even caring.

To put this simply, Trump lied to the dear, dumb, racist Trump voters, and he was never the great warrior for Christian white supremacy that they hoped he'd be. He was just a liar who seems to be trying to get us into a war with Iran for no good reason.

On to Israel, where he just finished sucking some cut cock while trying to make amends for dicking over that nation's intelligence service by outing a source to the Russians. In another bargain-basement discount speech, Trump said, "Making peace will not be easy. We all know that. Both sides will face tough decisions. But with determination, compromise on both sides, and the belief that peace is possible, Israelis and Palestinians can make a deal." And that sounds good, if dumb. But just remember, as many have learned: If you make a deal with Trump, you will get stiffed when the bill comes due.

And then he said the perpetrators (if there is more than one) of the terrible Manchester bombing are "evil losers," saying they'd want to be called "monsters." Sure, that'll make the suicide bombers of the future think twice: "Wait, am I an evil loser? I wanted to be a monster."

Now to Rome, and he can brag that he hit some kind of trifecta of faith. Don't tell him that there are more Hindus and Buddhists in the world than Jews. Those are facts, and why bother with them now.

(The "Rainbow Tour" up there in the title is a reference to a song from the musical Evita.)


Dead Pestilence: A Word or Two on Roger Ailes

I hope Roger Ailes died screaming. I hope he felt every sensation of pain from the subdural hematoma he suffered; I hope that the shocks wracked his worn-out sack of a body. I hope that, in the throes of that pain, he realized he was dying and he cried out that he wanted to come back, that he didn’t want his last act on earth to have been his dismissal as a lecher and a rapist. I hope he died screaming.

Roger Ailes was a rabid swine, barreling through the fertile cornfields of America and devouring everything in his path, animal, mineral, or vegetable, and then shitting it out as a foamy diarrhea that was lapped up by the rats and roaches that followed his destructive path. Nearly every phase of his too-long life was one betrayal of truth and rationality after another, each one crueler and more harmful than the last. From inflicting upon us Nixon and Reagan and a pair of Bushes and Trump to his creation of Fox News, as insidious a propaganda wing as has ever been devised, each time Ailes one-upped himself in action, staying true to his view of power as being only for the powerful and that power needed to be forced upon the powerless like a fat male executive telling a female employee that the only way to get ahead was to fuck him. And Ailes did that repeatedly to the women who encountered him.

Every chance that Ailes had, he took embers and blew them into infernos with his stinking, wheezing breath. He worked for Nixon and took Tricky Dick's hatred of the media and made it flesh. He worked for Reagan and taught the Gipper that facts were the enemy. He worked for Bush, Sr. and conspired with Lee Atwater to bury Michael Dukakis in the the mud and shit. Fox News came along shortly before the Bill Clinton impeachment nightmare, and Ailes made sure that the United States had to be dragged through it because it was ratings gold, pushing any crazed conspiracy that could take a blow job and turn it into a national crisis. After that, Fox News under Ailes essentially set the nation's agenda, along with his fellow bloated garbage bag, Rush Limbaugh. And a good chunk of the nation went gone along, drinking his Kool-Aid like it was piss from Jesus, finding comfort in the madness that Fox and its children like Breitbart present. The rest of the media began to take its cues from Fox because they allowed Fox to call the tunes.

Ailes wanted to debase anyone who didn't bow down to him and his corrupt, materialistic ideology, and the odious Rupert Murdoch gave Ailes Fox as his vehicle for vengeance. Ask Hillary Clinton, who has been Ailes's victim for the longest period. Ask the family of George Tiller, the doctor who performed abortions and was gunned down by someone deluded by Fox's stars, the depraved O'Reilly, the revolting Hannity. Ask Gary Condit, the Democratic congressman whose non-involvement in the death of an intern was the focus of Fox's monomania before 9/11 blew that off the front page. Ask the families of the soldiers who died in Iraq, a war that Fox demanded be fought lest politicians want to be tarred as unAmerican. Ask John Kerry, a war hero who was demeaned by the ludicrous and false allegations of the Swift Boat Vets, lies pushed endlessly by Fox, until he lost the presidential race.

And Ailes would make sure that the conservative version of any issue was given prominence. So science and authority had to be derided, as with Fox's support for climate change denialism. So protesters marching against police or war had to be demonized and the Tea Party fucknuts had to be lionized because they were valiant patriots standing up to the authoritarian Barack Obama. The lies that Ailes spun formed a cocoon around the minds of millions.

From the right and even from the left, you're hearing about what a good guy Ailes could be, how he was a great party guest and "raconteur." Goddamn, I'm sick of hearing how terrible human beings can be great hangs. It's a despicable way to judge a person with power. You judge them by how they use their power. So who the fuck cares if George W. Bush is a fun guy? Who the fuck cares if Donald Trump can be charming?

Roger Ailes was a sentient dumpster filled with heaps of lies and an enormous appetite for control. We shouldn't give a single mouse shit about how he could tell a funny story about Mike Douglas. The guy bought his hometown newspaper, warped it to suit his beliefs, and then had the employees spied on because he thought they might be saying mean things about him. He was a racist, sexist, xenophobic slug who sexually assaulted multiple women. Fuck that Jabba the Hutt-looking motherfucker. We should all be thrilled that he doesn't infect the earth he helped ruin anymore.

Down in Hell, Ailes thought he might be able to make a deal with Satan. "Listen, Lucifer, buddy, you've got some PR problems. Lemme make one or two ghost visits to Steve Doocy. I promise you that we'll get you some solid Q ratings," he told the Devil. Satan didn't care because, well, he's Satan. So he locked Ailes in a red room surrounded by windows. On the other side of the windows were women. At least he thought they were women but he couldn't be entirely sure because their backs were to him. He tried to talk to them, to charm them, to threaten them, anything to get them to turn around, to look at him, to listen to him. They did not. Then, above him, a drip started, just a drop at a time. He didn't even see it until it had formed a tiny puddle on the floor. Ailes realized it was shit.

And he realized there was no drain.

And he realized that he could only watch as it slowly, agonizingly, began to pool.


Republicans Wanted to Impeach Obama Over Something, Anything, But Avoid It for Trump

In 2013, then-Senator Tom Coburn mused at a town hall meeting, "I don’t have the legal background to know if that rises to ‘high crimes and misdemeanors,’ but I think you’re getting perilously close." Coburn, a Republican (obviously) brought up impeachment of President Obama as a possible response to unspecified things that Obama had done. Mostly, presidenting while black, but probably Coburn would have said, "Something, something, something, immigrants."

Around the same time, Republican Representative Blake Farenthold, 100 pounds of shit in a fifty pound bag from Fuck If I Care, Texas, told his constituents, who totally believed that Obama was born in Africa, "If we were to impeach the president tomorrow, we would probably get the votes in the House of Representatives to do it." Walking cold sore Ted Cruz bemoaned to a bunch of his drooling maniacs, "To successfully impeach a president you need the votes in the U.S. Senate." Neither Farenthold nor Cruz, in course of making Texas even dumber, gave any grounds for impeachment, just a general sense of something not right (see above, "presidenting while black").

In 2013 and 2014, the Tea Party plague rats kept demanding to know why that goddamn Muslim Kenyan who was making us all into healthy gay Communists wasn't being impeached. And their members of Congress were more than willing to indulge their idiot fantasy for a few whoops at rallies and a bunch of votes.

At least pubic hair-topped Rep. Jason Chaffetz wanted to impeach Obama for a reason: the attack on the American consulate in Benghazi, Libya (which, as you know, was worse than 100 9/11s times a dozen Pearl Harbors). And skeevy shitworm Steve King was hyped to impeach over Obama not being a complete dick to undocumented immigrant kids.

There's a fuckin' Wikipedia page devoted to all the reasons why Republicans talked about impeaching Obama, eight years worth. And not a goddamned one of them rises to the level of a single thing Donald Trump has done in the last four months.

A couple of Republicans are hinting at being open to impeachment. But the best representation of the cowardice and cravenness that is the GOP right now is that the Republicans in the House just blocked a vote on establishing an independent commission to investigate Russia's interference in the 2016 election.

It's not just hypocrisy by many of the same Republicans who wanted to lynch Obama for every fake scandal they could conjure. Now, with Trump, they are likely aiding and abetting a pile of high crimes and a shit load of misdemeanors.


Trump Bumbles His Way to Malevolence

One movie line that I keep seeing as a way of defining the nihilistic, ego-driven politics of Donald Trump is from The Dark Knight, when Alfred says to Bruce Wayne, "Some men just want to watch the world burn." But I'd go with a different line from the same movie, when the Joker, dressed in a nurse's outfit, says to a maimed Harvey Dent, "Do I really look like a guy with a plan?"

There are a lot of things you can say against the administration of George W. Bush, and we should never forget them. We should never forget that they lied us into war. We should never forget the utter failure of the federal government to help Americans after Hurricane Katrina. We should never forget the policies that brought us to the brink of financial ruin. As terrible as Donald Trump is, let us not lose sight of how catastrophic Bush was.

If nothing else, though, you could say that the Bush administration was operating under a coherent ideology. It might have been a worthless, corrupt, and utterly false ideology. But there were guiding principles - the spread of democracy, trickle-down economics, and privatization of the government. The actions of President Bush did damage to the nation that will likely take generations to recover from. Still, you can't fault him for not having a philosophy of governance (or at least Cheney, Rumsfeld, Rove, et al had a philosophy and Bush just went along for the ride).

As Trump bumbles along, lost in his dementia cloud, blown aloft by yes-men and yes-women, he is simply going with his gut, not caring who he angers or betrays or offends, thinking that his every action must be innately awesome because he has been told, unendingly, that he is awesome. His gut, he told his slavering idiot hordes, made him a rich man (ignoring that having a rich father made him a rich man). And those hordes believed him and most still believe him to this day.

But going with your gut is not a plan. There is no control. There is no grand ideology. There is merely Trump. And, obviously, whatever Trump thinks in the moment is correct and, if you're in his administration, you agree and support it or you're gone. Yet, perhaps for the first time in his life, Trump is facing an opposing force that doesn't leap at his whims. And he's so dumb that he probably really thought that the president is like a CEO.

The pattern of Trump's capricious actions in the first part of his presidency is pretty consistent: What will make him look good in the moment? Got the Chinese president at your party house for dinner? Brag about bombing Syria over dessert. Hanging out with a pair of Russian officials? Show that you have the best intelligence (even if it's actually Israeli intelligence), secrecy, classification, and identity of the source be damned. It was the pathetic action of a man who could never make his father proud (if we're opening the nickel-therapy booth here).

As for his behavior with former FBI director James Comey, it now seems likely that Trump fired Comey because he felt chastened when Comey wouldn't give in to his good-buddy cajoling and lay off Michael Flynn. Trump doesn't like to be denied and doesn't like to lose control. And he had with Flynn and the Russia investigation.

The only thing working in Trump's favor right now is that Republicans aren't scared enough to care enough to act on all this. Oh, they make little noises about caring, but mostly, Trump has a party of willfully blind parasites that won't check or balance him. It's depressing because we don't expect anything more from Republicans. We knew they were going to catch Trump and push him back up like a group of Pizza Hut employees on a forced team-building exercise of trust falls.

We are in a pattern right now where each day will bring a new revelation of some new action by Trump that pushes into impeachable, if not traitorous, behavior. Each day we await some Republican to take the key that they have to unlock their handcuffs and do something about it. We can't take it. As a nation, as individuals, as communities, this is taking a terrible toll on us. It's like we're in some cruel psychological experiment where we see how much crisis we can take before we break.

There is no plan. There is no ideology. Trump's utter incompetence and unabashed ignorance is a kind of malevolence, especially if it's aided by a congress of co-conspirators who do, in fact, know better.

(Wouldn't it be crazy if Jason Chaffetz actually becomes the hero here on his way out to the big Fox money?)


Trump Administration Expands Cruel Anti-Abortion Gag Rule Bigly

Often, the worst fuckery occurs where you're not even sure the type of fuckery that's happening. So it is with a statement today from the Department of State (motto: "One world under Exxon") announcing a massive expansion of the Reagan-era "Mexico City Policy" in language that seems to hide its true intent. The bullshit "policy" already "blocks international family planning assistance through the U.S. Agency for International Development to any groups or programs that provide or even mention abortions to women, or speak out about abortion laws in their own countries."

But that wasn't fucked up enough for the ferocious fetus fellaters of the right, who are drooling in anticipation of stacking up the corpses of women like firewood. So now we're getting the "Protecting Life in Global Health Assistance" plan. And if you thought the U.S. government preventing any mention of abortion in $600 million worth of programs, wait'll you see how much damage can be done with $8.8 billion in support for foreign non-governmental organizations.

In the press release, the State Department defines "global health assistance" as "funding for international health programs, such as those for HIV/AIDS, maternal and child health, malaria, global health security, and family planning and reproductive health." You got that? It means that if a pregnant woman in Angola with Zika is told by the nurse at an NGO that her fetus has been impacted by the disease and the NGO receives funds from USAID, that nurse can't even wink and say, "How about a schmabortion?"

Is that juvenile and kind of dumb? Well, so's the fuckin' policy. And so's the press release because you know what word is not in the whole document announcing a savagely backwards policy on abortion as medical necessity? Abortion. It doesn't fucking mention "abortion" once, so it sounds like a bland revision when it's actually a kick in the teeth to women in countries where NGO provide the only health care available. It hides the awful fuckery.

Instead, it says, "All foreign NGOs will have the opportunity to receive global health assistance awards if they indicate their agreement to abide by the terms of Protecting Life in Global Health Assistance by accepting the provisions in their award." Yep, spreading freedom, one threat at a time. But at least the nutzoid fundamentalist Christians are happy and can continue with the worship of their golden calf named Trump.

By the way, you know what the doubly-pathetic part of this assertion of patriarchal power over women's bodies is? It doesn't work. In fact, the abortion rate went up in a bunch of countries during the W. Bush administration, when the gag rule was in place. Amazing, right? That preventing women from having access to contraception and pregnancy care might end up with more abortions occurring? It's almost as if facts don't matter.

Oh, right.


Need a Pick-Me-Up in this Terrible Time? Here's Lynched Jefferson Davis

That statue of a white man dangling from a crane is of Jefferson Davis, who was the president of the defeated nation of racist traitors known as the Confederate States of America. For all the world, it looks like a well-deserved lynching. His monument in New Orleans used to be on the median (or "neutral ground," in New Orleans parlance) where Canal Street meets the still-stupidly-named Jefferson Davis Parkway. New Orleans is in the midst of taking down four monuments to the Confederacy because, apparently, it only takes 150 years and a few massacres to realize that celebrating the legacy of the enemies of the United States is fucking ridiculous, especially when those enemies were fighting to keep slaves and the majority of the city's citizens are African Americans. Seem kind of fucking obvious, doesn't it? Would you want to walk by a statue of someone who wanted to keep the literal rape of your ancestors legal?

The slave rapist supporters turned out, too, flying their loser flag of rapists and slaveowners and poor dumbasses who just went along with the rapists and slaveowners. Or, you know, Trump voters. Because blah, blah, blah heritage, history, and who the fuck cares. Whatever their reasons are for keeping the mounuments up, they're wrong.

As for what will be done with the statues and plaques and pedestals, for now, they will go into storage. After Davis, they'll be taking down General Beauregard and Robert E. Lee, both scumfucking pigs, no matter what "noble" justification Lee claimed to have. They might end up at a museum to contextualize them better than they are now.

But I've got an idea. Get a giant furnace on site. Melt down the statues right in front of the protesters. Then pour the liquid into cock-shaped molds. When they cool and harden, hand them out to the white supremacists, neo-Confederates, and one-toothed yahoos there and tell 'em to shove it up their assholes and go fuck themselves with it.


Just Fucking Stop With the Whole "Democrats Wanted Comey Fired" Excuse

Our mad president, Donald Trump, a man who looks like he forgot his lines as Willy Loman in a community theatre production of Death of a Salesman and he's just desperately making shit up until someone gives him a cue he remembers or the curtain just comes down, keeps insisting that Democrats shouldn't be kicking up a fuss about his firing of FBI Director James Comey. Why? Because, you losers, Democrats sure wanted Comey fired for the Hillary Clinton email fuckery before the election. So, in Trump's shrinking mind, they should just shut the fuck up and be happy about Comey's sacking.

On his pathetic slow fart of a Twitter page, Trump's made no less than a half-dozen comments and taunts about Democrats' outrage over his actions. These include the fucking bizarro sight of the President of the whole goddamned United States mocking his apparent arch-nemesis Rosie O'Donnell for having tweeted in December, "Fire Comey," to which Trump replied, "We finally agree on something Rosie." Yeah, he left out the damn comma between "something" and "Rosie." Because obviously a Wharton education doesn't include basic lessons in English.

He also tweeted this classic of are-you-fucking-kidding-me playground bullying: "Cryin' Chuck Schumer stated recently, 'I do not have confidence in him (James Comey) any longer.' Then acts so indignant." Schumer did indeed say that in November. And his "cryin'" was when he choked up talking about Trump's malignant Muslim ban, so, obviously, that was worthy of endless insults. What fuckin' tool our president is.

Despite changing his story on why Comey was fired like he's changing wives, Trump is getting support from many of the usual squealing piglets of the right. The New York Post went totally up Trump's sphincter, calling Democrats' anger "typical left-wing hypocrisy." The GOP put out a video attacking Democrats for saying that Comey ought to be fired way back in 2016. Rush Limbaugh jiggled and undulated in rage, accusing Democrats of "literally being eaten alive with an irrational, raw hatred literally absorbing them." (Feel free to make your own fat joke about what Limbaugh has eaten alive and literally absorbed.)

Lemme see if I can put this in a way that even the stupidest right-winger can understand, which still would leave out Limbaugh.

Let us say, and why not, that you're a guy who has been in a relationship with another guy, call him "Jimmy," for a few years, and you've been living together for a good part of the time. It's been okay; Jimmy's a decent lay and he cleans up around the house. Mostly, you've just got so many of the same friends and same stuff that at this point, it's just too fuckin' tiring to separate all that shit out.

But let us say, and, indeed, why not, that you catch Jimmy flirting with other guys at a bar one night, and you're pretty sure that when he said he was going outside for some air, he was fucking around. You wanna break up with him. Really badly, you wanna break up. You even tell some of your good friends that you think you should end it.

You don't, though. The rent is due and you figure you'll throw Jimmy's ass out after he pays his share. So you wait, not realizing that this month your lease, with both your names on it, just renewed automatically and you're stuck for the time being. Fuck. Okay, you think, you'll break up with him when you're able to. Meanwhile, you'll just suck it up since he's started cooking and being totally great with your family.

One night, you wake up and the apartment is on fire, just burning down. And you're fucked, inhaling smoke, unable to see. But along comes Jimmy and he is fuckin' on it. He's got you, leading you away from the burning apartment and to the stairs. Yeah, the fire is on your heels, but Jimmy is there, making sure you can get away.

And then Donald Trump walks up to you guys and shoots Jimmy in the face, killing him.

"What the fuck?" you say to Donald Trump. "He was gonna save me!"

Donald Trump smirks, "You say that now, but you wanted to break up with him before." The building is an inferno. "And, oh, by the way," Trump says, "I lit the fire."


The Dark Timeline Gets Darker: Brief Thoughts on the Comey Firing

Let's lay out some brief thoughts here on the fuckery that's occurred today in the firing of FBI Director James Comey by President Donald Trump.

1. Comey should have been fired by President Obama for his interference in the 2016 election. He was a completely vindictive bastard to Hillary Clinton in his letter about...oh, fuck you know all this shit. Fuck that guy. Hard.

2. The Deputy Attorney General said that Comey's dismissal was recommended because of his handling of the Clinton investigation, including his press conference announcing no charges and his statements close to the election about the emails on Huma Abedin's computer. Comey has lied his ass off since about that latter action.

3. But there is no fucking way that that is the reason that Trump fired Comey. The FBI is anal-probing the connections between the Trump campaign/administration and Russia. And if Trump gave a happy monkey fuck about Comey's handling of the Clinton email case, well, who the fuck keeps such an incompetent prick on the payroll, running a giant intelligence-gathering and law enforcement agency, for months?

4. No, fuck that. The Clinton shit is an obvious cover story. Comey was fired because he's dangerous. He's fired because Trump wants heads to put on the White House fence to threaten others. He can line up Comey's next to the noggins of Sally Yates and Preet Bharara. Trump's letter of dismissal said, in part, "I greatly appreciate you informing me, on three separate occasions, that I am not under investigation." Jesus, how pathetic to shiv a man while you talk about how awesome you are. How frightening that Trump seems to be discrediting anything that comes out of the FBI against him now that Comey is gone.

4a. And Trump had been ordering Jeff Sessions to find a reason to fire Comey since at least last week. These fuckin' fascists.

5. Not scared yet? We no longer have a functioning Justice Department. We don't have a Congress that will check or balance the president in even the smallest ways. We have a president who doesn't care about anything other than protecting his orange ass and centralizing all power within him and his small cadres of hellspawn and spunk monkeys. And he's gonna appoint someone from that cadre to erase the investigations so he can gallivant on with his awful presidency.

6. Yeah, fuck Comey for what he did. But fuck anyone who thinks this is okay, that it's all cool just because Trump can fire the people he's fired. And fuck us, again and again, for allowing this mongrel age to happen.

6a. Fuck us even harder if an independent investigation isn't launched on this and everything else.

7. Somewhere, the corpse of Niccolo Machiavelli is laughing its bony ass off.

8. In Hell, Richard Nixon rolled his eyes and wondered where the fuck this GOP was back in the 1970s. And then he was dipped back into the shit pit.


Sally Yates Hearing: Sen. John Kennedy Is a Dumbass

If you love freedom (real freedom, not the bullshit "freedom" to die that Republicans sell) and the rule of law, you had to get hard/wet while watching former Acting Attorney General Sally Yates rip the nuts off the skeevy bunch of shitheels, inbreds, and vipers that are the GOP members of the Senate Judiciary Committee. Then she held aloft the bloody orbs and hurled them back at the squealing castrati before her. It's not like the hearing was even a fair fight, considering that Lindsey Graham, John Cornyn, and the rest brought a list of pissy outrages to a big-ass Constitution fight.

For instance, Senator John Kennedy of Louisiana, in his first year of embarrassing his pretty shameless state, thought he was making some great and mighty point about the separation of powers and Yates refusing to enforce President Trump's idiotic Muslim ban when he shot at Yates, "Who appointed you to the United States Supreme Court?" And, ha, ha, that's so awesome because, see, he's saying, if you don't know, that Yates, as Acting Attorney General, didn't have the authority to say whether or not something is unconstitutional, which, if you know a fucking thing about the role of the Attorney General, is precisely one of the things the Attorney General does, except, see, get this, mostly that advice is given before a president puts out an executive order, but, wait, it gets better, the lawyers at the White House didn't consult with Yates to see if it passed constitutional muster, got it?

Mostly, though, this educated yahoo, who must think he's smarter than any silly girls, considering how he kept interrupting Yates, and who sounds like he's wondering if anyone will find that Klan hood in his office, doesn't seem to get that the Supreme Court is the final arbiter of what is constitutional when a dispute is brought to it. The Justice Department and lawyers throughout the government make determinations on this shit all the time. It's just that an administration of unrepentant and ignorant sociopaths didn't care. And now they expect ball garglers like Kennedy to defend them.

There were other moments where Kennedy essentially pantsed himself and was too dumb to know his little dick was turtling in the breeze. He tried to pin down James Clapper, who is evil but occasionally to good effect, asking, "Have you ever leaked information, classified or unclassified, to a member of the press?"

Clapper responded, to laughter, "Well, unclassified is not leaking." He might have added, "You dipshit," and no one would have thought it was unearned. That didn't stop Kennedy from repeating his question about leaking "unclassified" information several times. So in Senator Kennedy's wee mind, if you tell a reporter something that is already on the State Department website, you're a traitorous motherfucker.

Really, Kennedy's entire presence could be summed up by something he told Yates: "I'm happy as a clown."

You can read elsewhere about how Yates utterly wrecked John Cornyn and Ted Cruz, ensuring that Texas is now represented in the Senate by eunuchs. You can read about what a slimy nuzzler of Russian assholes Michael Flynn was and how Donald Trump just couldn't be bothered to give a shit because he didn't want to learn someone else's name (why not? It's as good an explanation as any).

But for my money, Yates's calm evisceration of every argument Kennedy attempted was the most entertaining part because, unlike Ted Cruz, who knew he had been cock-punched and left before the second round of questions, Kennedy thought he could try again. And again he was pantsed. And again he just stood there, slack-jawed, drooling, ass just hanging out, too dumb to know how well it had been kicked.


A Quorum of Motherfuckers: Observations on a Savage Day in DC

It's the National Day of Prayer. You got that? The Republicans in the House of Representatives passed a bill that would ultimately strip insurance from tens of millions of people and get rid of provisions that would end up harming tens of millions more. People would die if this became law and the very wealthy would get a tax break to the tune of hundreds of millions of dollars.

And they did it on the National Day of Prayer. It's like raping bunnies on Easter; it's like if on Easter morning, a group of pasty white Republicans grabbed cute, fluffy rabbits and raped the shit out of them. Just raped them until they were dead and used the limp bunny bodies to wipe off their dicks before tossing them aside. "Christ is risen," they'd announce. "We just fucked bunnies to death."

Although, if one of the rabbit rapists didn't have insurance and then went for treatment later for PTSD because the bunnies won't stop screaming, the bunnies won't stop screaming, well, under the American Health Care Act, that wouldn't necessarily be covered by insurance. Yeah, see, it's a pre-existing condition.

And if you think that sucks for bunny buggerers, well, fuck you, because it's way worse for rape victims. Yeah, getting raped is a pre-existing condition. Sorry, ladies, but that roofie was all the medication you're gonna get because the Koch Brothers need to pay slightly less in taxes.

We're at a point where the repellent Republicans are degrading the nation to where it is becoming unrecognizable. The policies being pursued by Donald Trump and the GOP have no purpose other than to prove some cruel point. What reason is there other than pettiness for getting rid of Michelle Obama's Let Girls Learn program and reversing some of the healthy school lunch rules? You're just being an asshole.

One of the most pathetic things I've ever seen in contemporary politics was the celebration in the Rose Garden of the House vote, with Trump ditching the Australian prime minister to preen and prance around with Republicans. It was a jolly celebration of the rule of the rich white male, like a meeting of the Old, Bloated Douches Club. And it looked exactly like this:

Who the fuck does that? Who the fuck holds a ceremony to brag about being ahead in the first quarter? If nothing passes the Senate, will they riot like a losing NCAA basketball team's fans? It's fucking embarrassing, like everything that comes out of this White House. Every day we should all just be ashamed of our country because of shit like this. The Repulsive States of Dead America.

Don't let your fucking guard down. The Senate is gonna work on its own brand of heinous fuckery. Whatever they come up with, if it actually passes, the lapdogs of the House will gobble it up like a meaty vomit. And it very well might pass because, as I've said before, they are motherfuckers. And what do motherfuckers do? They fuck mothers. They will fuck mothers every chance they get. It's right there in the word.

Congressional Democrats have a chance, as they so often do, to not fuck this up, to break out the guillotines and behead the GOP in front of a crowd. On this issue, at least, Democrats are simply better human beings. They might be shittier politicians, but they are better human beings. Now they have to step up their goddamn game and create a simple message that can be hammered into voters' skulls like the dunce-yawp of "MAGA": Do you think you or your family members or your friends or your co-workers should be able to get cancer treatment? Or should a billionaire get a few million more? Chemo or yachts?

And, as I've proposed before, Democrats should be tempting the hell out of Susan Collins, Lisa Murkowski, and a third Republican (Ben Sasse? McCain?) to go independent to stop this blithe evil.

Republicans will screech that it's class warfare. Fuck them. They fired the first shots. They said that the poor and the sick aren't worthy of living without fear of the next illness, the next accident, the next rape. They said that compassion was for suckers and wealth triumphs over all. Then, after they gutted the Affordable Care Act, they laughed and danced like Klansman around a lynched black man. Which, if you think about it, was pretty much what they wanted to do in the first place.

Let's wreck these wretched worms and bury alive their corrupt ideology so that it suffocates on the dirt.


The President Is a Pussy

It seems obvious, no? That the putative bully is actually a blithering pussy, a bumblefuck coward who must occasionally lash out at someone weak in order to maintain the illusion of his strength to those who don't want to believe that their man, their champion, is just a pathetic, crawling worm.  And Trump is that man-worm,. Evidence? Oh, shit, this is the easiest case to make since Low, et al v. Trump University. President Donald Trump is a pussy because:

-- He made all kinds of noise about all that he was going to accomplish in his first 100 days and he got just about jack shit done. In the spending compromise worked out in Congress, leaders of the House and Senate of both parties essentially told him to go fuck himself with his border wall, his Affordable Care Act defunding threats, his draconian budget cuts, and his Planned Parenthood attack.

-- He wants to buddy up to people who are real tough guys. It's the way he's been his whole life, and one of the the surest signs that someone is a pussy is they try to get cozy with bad asses and motherfuckers. A couple of decades ago, Trump was all about getting street cred by hanging with rappers. Now he's practically blowing China's Xi Jinping after pretending like he was gonna be all up in Xi's face. Trump would love to be the meat in a Duterte/Erdogan sandwich. And even Duterte, infected pustule on humanity's taint that he is, doesn't wanna be seen with Trump. Shit, you could even go back to how he palled around with mobsters. It's the oldest pussy move there is: depussification by proximity.

-- Even when he is an asshole, he's a pussy. When CBS's John Dickerson was interviewing Trump this weekend for Face the Nation (which Trump says he likes to call "Deface the Nation" because that's so fucking funny), the host asked the pussy president about the pussy president's pussy assertion that President Obama had spied on the pussy. Trump got pissy, ended the interview, and walked away. Asshole move, but then, because there is nothing Trump needs more than for people to like him, like the saddest tween on Instagram, he invited Dickerson to ride on Air Force One and have dinner with him. Trump's pathetic attempts at being tough with the media (with his incessant mewing of "fake news" to his drooling hordes) are rendered absolutely embarrassing by the contemptuous depths to which he'll go to beg for coverage. Or he just makes shit up about how awesome he is and totally not a pussy.

-- He's such a fucking idiot, genuinely dumb and genuinely incurious, that he covers up for his ignorance by pretending he's wise, which is the pussy move for people who are shit-scared of having their stupidity revealed. Only an idiot pussy pretending to be smart would say something like "People don’t realize, you know, the Civil War, if you think about it, why? People don’t ask that question, but why was there the Civil War?" Because except for the millions of words that have been written about why there was a Civil War, he's right. No one has ever asked why there was a Civil War. Only someone as intelligent and knowledgeable as Donald Fucking Trump has wondered that in the last 150 years. (And let's not even get into how Trump doesn't know what's in his health care proposal and pretends that he does.)

You could say a lot of things about our past presidents. They were dicks, assholes, cunts, even. A few of them were evil (including that cocksucker Andrew Jackson who Trump thinks is awesome because...well, see the second point up there). But Trump might be our first pussy president, and that means that he is going to do everything he can to try to hide the fact that he's a pussy. Except, of course, others already know he's a pussy.

History is piled high with the bodies of those who had to die so someone could cover up their cowardice.

(Note on the word "pussy": Words have different meanings in different contexts. "Bullshit" means something besides "nonsense" when you're in a pen that's holding bulls. See the note here on the word "cocksucker." Also, and let's face it, "pussy" is just the kind of word Trump would understand.)