Random Observations on a Meltdown (Trump Edition)

1. At his press conference today, Republican presidential nominee and anthropomorphic mold spore Donald Trump went full Rubio. From the very beginning of his appearance at Trump Tower, an ugly motherfucker of a building, Trump was so ludicrously repetitious and sweaty and barely comprehensible that the Florida senator must have been somewhere, thinking, "Aw, c'mon, where the fuck is Chris Christie now?" (Answer: trussed up on a bed in the penthouse, asshole lubed and ready.)

Here is an actual quote from Trump's opening remarks: "I think it will be very exciting. It will add to the excitement in Cleveland and that's good. That's what we want because it's going to be an exciting period of time." That is not edited or elided or anything. This was followed up with, no shit, a moment later with "So that's something to me that's very exciting. And overall, it's just been a very exciting process."

Didn't this human garbage compactor talk about his vocabulary? Can someone implant a fuckin' thesaurus in his brain? Or is he brain-damaged from all spray-tan chemicals?

And that's not even getting to the endless number of times he said that he didn't raise funds for veterans' organizations to get publicity.

2. What kind of lying cocksucker gets to say that and not get laughed out of the building? Trump held a public event in January opposite a Republican debate he refused to attend because Fox "news" wasn't "nice" to him. That event was broadcast on other channels. Today, Trump himself called the press conference in order to say who the money raised had gone to. He could have just put out a fuckin' list, but, no, like an enraged bonobo with an unlimited amount of shit to toss, Trump had to get in front of the press to deny that he wanted press coverage.

3. This is not even to mention the underwear sniffer in the "Make America Great Again" camo-colored cap who stepped forward on stage to declare that he's a vet, that other vets were on stage with Trump, but that it was Hillary Clinton who is "using veterans as political pawns." Fuck that guy, fuck his service to our country, and fuck him forever with every dick around.

4. Fucknut up there said that we should head to Trump's website to read about how much Il Donaldo wants to do for veterans. If you go to that page, it's got the shit title of "Veterans Administration Reforms That Will Make America Great Again." Sure, it says that vets would be able to go to any doctor who accepts Medicare and that Trump will, through his innate Trumpiness, trump the trump trump trump. That includes "increasing funding" for a shitload of things, which is totally not something that Democrats would ever ask for (except for all the fucking times they've asked for it and been blocked by Republicans). Mostly, though, the page is filled with platitudes and detail-free promises, treating the VA with all the seriousness you'd expect of a reality show star, even finding a way to, no shit, drop in his catchphrase: "Under a Trump Administration, there will be no job security for VA executives that enabled or overlooked corruption and incompetence. They’re fired."

When you go to Hillary Clinton's page for her plans for vets, she gets way specific, as you'd expect from a former Secretary of State (remember: Clinton is a twice-elected Senator, too; she ain't just Benghazi Bitch, the Email Slut). In fact, there's another page on "How She'll Get It Done," which goes into even more details than any campaign ever normally would.

Compare one thing, treatment of women vets. Trump says, "The fact that many VA hospitals don’t permanently staff OBGYN doctors shows an utter lack of respect for the growing number female veterans. Under the Trump plan, every VA hospital in the country will be fully equipped with OBGYN and other women’s health services."

Seemingly responding to that, Clinton's plan says that she calls for "New funding to ensure women equal and respectful [treatment], going beyond simply modifying facilities and increasing the number of OBGYNs employed by the VHA, to include expanding provider training, ensuring culturally-competent VHA staff and policies, and providing other gender-specific health services – including mental health services." She adds in reproductive health services and childcare facilities at VA facilities so women can see their doctors without having to worry about getting their kids taken care of. In other words, comprehensive, intelligent stuff that isn't accomplished by a wave of a small hand, but rather through "bipartisan legislation" because that's how shit is done (or used to be done. Who knows anymore?). It's still pie-in-the-sky, sure, but it's aspirational and specific, with lots of possible goals that can be achieved.

And, unlike Trump, Clinton and Bernie Sanders have actually done things to help vets beyond holding a bullshit public (but apparently secret) fundraiser whose real purpose was to pull ratings away from Fox because Donald Trump is a pathetic, needy piece of shit.

5. Trump said that he was waiting to see "documents" from the IRS before deciding if an organization was worthy of a donation. He needed their tax information in order to get the full picture. Huh. You could actually hear every reporter's sphincter tighten in anticipation of attacking Trump for that lack of self-awareness.

6. Most of the event, though, was a prolonged meltdown at the press, with Trump calling them "sleazes" and "dishonest," acting as if he should be above the kind of scrutiny that he demands of others. If we lived in normal times, it would have marked the end of his presidential aspirations. At this point, unless each reporter sucks his dick and massages his prostate, Trump is going to keep attacking the media to discredit all the negative shit that is going to start pouring out.

Dear media, somewhere there is a small burning ember of actual journalistic integrity in your mulch pile of clickbait and faux objectivity.

Blow on that ember. Destroy this man, this Trump. Because if you don't and he's elected, he will be coming after you. This is a petty, angry little person who doesn't give a shit if he insults a federal judge. If he's president, do you think that your precious First Amendment will protect you?


A Poem for Memorial Day

This is "The Death of Paul Duffy, by Rope, Alone" by Vietnam War vet Ted Sexauer

I sit quietly, alone. 
I acknowledge an unseen mechanism
to stave off this kind of news.
Somehow it’s not possible, not real,
not there, a myth.

Of course it’s all illusion.
If there’s any meaning in this life
it can’t quite pass the mind
that knows—it’s illusion.
We “make stuff up”.

Still, his wife is real, 
though I don’t know her.
No note, no warning sign;
I can bear anything except that 
“failure to communicate”.
Are we really all alone here?

If you have an inclination to end it
if you share that with someone
they’ll try to stop you—to intervene
but if you die alone
you leave those who love you—alone
and distant friends like me—alone

You leave wakes and ripples
whatever you do, but death 
holds this ultimate weight,
creates a void, a great displacement.

It’s why we who have been to war
can’t quite leave it behind,
not only the experience of death,
that’s no surprise, except how close it came—
but rather, how big it is around you—
how alone it makes you
how all alone and wary

This is number nine of friends,
veterans, who’ve gone that way—
Frankie the Maineiac rode his Harley off a cliff,
insurance in place to send three sons to college.
Nicko, long slow death by alcohol
and he wouldn’t stop, god damn his bones;
then add in David Cline, same damn deal.
Add Jack McCloskey.
John Mulligan published his novel, 
stepped off a curb to kiss a truck.
And great happy Air Force rescue pilot Steve
biggest smile ever, done in by business sharks;
and rescue diver Dan who lost his boat
and broke his heart.

And mother’s second husband Art, Navy WWII Pacific,
by rifle—he was on his way out,
refused to die in a hospital—
but no note, where was the love?

What’s over there? Only one way to know,
but what’s the hurry? Pain. Maybe impulse? 
Still, the one main thing the military teaches us—
endure and survive—and never volunteer—
You don’t go there ’til you’ve tried everything.

Keep hope.


In Brief: Soldiers Love Trump: A Few Polls to Send You Off to Memorial Day Weekend

According to polls by Morning Consult, "51 percent of members of the military surveyed would vote for [Donald] Trump, compared to 36 percent for [Hillary] Clinton." Those numbers become 52% for Trump and 39% for Bernie Sanders. Among veterans, it's a steady 47% for Trump, with 38% for Clinton or 43% for Sanders.

A Military Times' poll of active-duty troops, reservists, and National Guard soldiers gives Trump 54% against Clinton, 51% against Sanders.

Military leaders are scared shitless over the idea of a Trump presidency. The troops themselves? Not so much.

Now, obviously, May polls are, as this blog has said, utter bullshit in many ways. But the support for Trump among the rank-and-file military has remained consistent for much of the year.

In any case, we can be pretty sure that Memorial Day during the Reign of Trump will be filled with even more mourning. And he'll have a fuckload of support should he need to take over by coup.


In Louisiana, the Governor and the Attorney General in a Battle Over Transgender Rights

If you wanna know how to make a dysfunctional government clusterfuck even more dysfunctional and clusterfucky, look to Louisiana for an example. Right now in the Oil-Covered Pelican State, the Democratic governor, John Bel Edwards (who, let's be frank, was only elected because Republicans ran hooker-hiring shit-fetishist and sitting senator David Vitter) and the Republican attorney general, Jeff Landry, are locked in a war over rights for the LGBT population. It's a fine day for democracy in the Deep South.

In April, a couple of months into his first term of trying to unfuck everything that Gov. Bobby "Hurricane Katrina in Human Form" Jindal left behind, Edwards issued an executive order saying that state employees and contractors can't discriminate against people because of sexual orientation or gender identity. In an awkward, somewhat backwards, but progressive for Louisiana statement, Edwards said, "We respect our fellow citizens for their beliefs, but we do not discriminate based on our disagreements." Immediately, there were screams that Edwards was attacking "people of faith" because, obviously, religion should dictate our laws and that makes us totally not like Muslims who want Sharia law because it's Christianity, motherfucker.

Yesterday, Landry issued an opinion on the executive order saying that Edwards' order "has no binding legal effect." And that would be totally true, except for the fact that, barring a lawsuit and a stay of the order, it's completely untrue. Because, see, "Previous Louisiana governors have had executive orders in place to protect the gay, lesbian and bisexual community -- without this type of pushback from previous attorney generals." You know where this is heading? To the fucking bathroom again. Yup, 32 Republican legislators wrote to Landry, concerned about "gender identity" as a concept and seeking to keep those filthy trans shitters out of their pristine potties.

By the way, Landry, a former Tea Party Caucus member in the House, thinks that being transgender is a mental illness and he told Tony Perkins of the nutzoid Christian Family Research Council (motto: "Let he who is without sin throw the first stone, unless you're transgender, in which case we'll just stone you"), "The good Lord doesn't build us in that particular way" and, obviously, religion should dictate our laws and that makes us totally not like Muslims who want Sharia law because it's Christianity, motherfucker.

Oh, and he signed Louisiana onto the multi-state lawsuit against the Obama administration for its directive telling schools not to be dickholes about transgender people using bathrooms and locker rooms. Funny story about that: Landry never told Edwards, the governor, that he was tossing Louisiana into the mix. Edwards' spokesperson said the governor is "reviewing" the situation.

Isn't divided government fun? Isn't a divided executive branch even funner?


Beware the Conservative Drama Queens on Anti-Trump Protesters

A jowly right-wing knob-gobbler and lesser demon on Fox "news," Todd Starnes had a thing or three to say about protests outside a Donald Trump rally in Albuquerque, New Mexico, last night. The protests got a little rioty, but Starnes wanted you to know that it was even more insidious: "An angry mob caused mayhem outside a Donald Trump rally Tuesday night in Albuquerque, New Mexico – turning the city into a de facto Third World country."

No one can drama queen it up like the Screaming Mimis of the right. Seriously, they make the contestants on RuPaul's Drag Race look like ripped leather studs slamming sledgehammers at a construction site before shaving their balls with a switchblade. (Side note: Belated congrats, Bob the Drag Queen. You were awesome.)

Starnes continued, "The rampaging gang was made up of anti-Trump goons -- waving the Mexican flag -- burning the American flag." Now that does sound bad, since goons are scary and burning the American flag is, as we've been told endlessly, the worstest thing you can ever do when you're protesting, worse than fucking Uncle Sam in the ass with Lady Liberty's torch while you nail George Washington's skull right in the eyehole. Starnes aired a video purporting to show said flag being burnt. Here is a crappy screencap:

Now, the Rude Pundit is no photograph forensics specialist, but that appears to be a "Trump for President/Make America Great Again" banner with some stars and stripes decorating it. Not only are the protesters very much not burning an American flag, but you could make an argument that the banner itself defiles the flag.

Other things burned, sure, like this "Make America Great Again" t-shirt, again with a flag on it, set aflame by the power of a derisive tongue:

Back to Starnes, ready to do his best Faye-Dunaway-as-Joan-Crawford in Mommy Dearest, saying, "'Viva Mexico,' protesters shouted, according to the Albuquerque Journal." And the newspaper does say that. Of course, it also says Trump supporters called protesters "wetbacks" and yelled, "Go back to Mexico" and basically everyone was kind of acting like an asshole, plus some Trump merch got burnt, but that's far less dramatic than "Rampaging Spics Hate America."

This is what will obviously become the story all over the conservative hatemosphere. And they'll add in shit like "Clinton supporters beat up a wheelchair-bound Trump supporter at the New Mexico Trump rally yesterday," which sounds terrible. Holy fuckballs some people just punched the shit out of a disabled guy? Except that "beat up" here means "got some water splashed on him when a couple of bottles were tossed." Technically, that's possibly assault, yeah, but even the cops present just wanted the wheelchair guy to fuck off.

We're in for a long summer, motherfuckers. There are going to be a ton of protests. It will become expected behavior at rallies for the Trump Reich. Remember that the right-wingers who actually do control the media are going to be looking for any excuse to run with a story about crazy-ass riots, especially if those riots have a race war component. The thing about drama queens is that they wanna be heard over everyone else.

We need to pace ourselves. And if we're gonna burn shit down, let's at least wait and see if Trump is elected first.


Ending Trump Quickly (Profanity-Free for the Kiddies)

If you're floundering around in a rage-seizure after hearing Republican presidential candidate and rich racist uncle you regret making your kids be nice to, Donald Trump, bring up the 1993 suicide of Bill Clinton's deputy White House counsel Vince Foster and call it "very fishy," you've probably got a desire to fire rhetorical bombs in every direction at Trump. And you should feel utterly aghast that Trump is determined to drag down Hillary Clinton by acting like nothing was ever investigated on any of the allegations, as if the 1990s wasn't a series of congressional inquiries and endless independent counsel probes. It's the reason why we're up to our 800th Benghazi committee. Nothing is concluded if Republicans don't say it's concluded (for example: You can't blame Bush for anything now because Republicans say you can't).

But there is a foundational belief in all of this that needs to be turned back on Trump: the Clintons are liars. Sure, you have to ignore the fact that they have provided a constant stream of documents and answered a ludicrous amount of questions under oath, but that's the nature of blind faith in Trump.

The temptation is to throw everything at Trump: his bankrupt businesses, his mob associations, his profiting off the misery of others, his affairs and marriages. The Clinton campaign might have surrogates or super-PACs do it, but it's generally what you see in these types of situations. It's what we saw the John Kerry campaign attempt with George W. Bush in the wake of the Swift Boat ads. The big difference is that Bush (eventually) distanced himself from that smear. In the case of the Clinton "scandals," the actual Republican candidate is doing the smearing.

Clinton isn't going to wallow in the mud with Trump. Instead, she needs a clear, concise message that can be repeated so often that crowds can call it back to her, like they do with Trump or Sanders, like they did with Obama.

It's very, very simple: "Show me the money, Donald." That's it. You can hashtag it. You can bumper sticker that up. You can chant it. For many people, it's even got a certain cultural vintage to it.

Focus very clearly on what Trump says his net worth is. He claims, as we all know (because he repeats it so much - see how that works?), that he is worth $10 billion. Yet, other than asserting it, in debates, in speeches, on his financial disclosure forms, he has given no proof. The best, most generous estimate of his wealth is between 3.5 and 4.5 billion. That's an enormous amount, but it ain't 10 billion. You've probably heard the one estimate that puts it as low as $150 million. Still not chump change, but the man wandered the nation saying that he had made $10 billion.

And that's it. Clinton or anyone else can say that Trump needs release his tax returns. When he makes his nonsense claim that he can't while they're being "audited," he can also provide other legal documents that prove his worth.

If he refuses, then Clinton can say that anything Donald Trump says is worthless if he can't demonstrate he's as rich as he says he is. Heck, she should say she won't even debate Trump unless he, you know, shows us the money (or the assets). It'll frustrate Trump's followers. They'll say she's scared or whatever. But it's about as simple a request as anyone can ask. Trump's voters are so deluded and racist that they won't care if it turns out he's just a hobo who has been tricking everyone all along, but it'll make him seem clearly like the clown he is.

Hammer that message. Leave aside the other, more convoluted attacks about how Trump made money or who he gave money to. He has to be made to apologize. He has to be introduced to the idea of public shaming. He needs to become toxic to the average scuzzy Republican. In fact, making Trump either refuse to prove his wealth or show that he's been lying will give mainstream Republicans a chance to jump off the train

The most subversive part? If it turns out that, miracle of miracles, he is worth $10 billion, then we can move on. Just like Trump himself did when he demanded President Obama's birth certificate.

(Note: Yeah, Trump and the right will go nutzoid over the Wall Street speeches. But it's pretty easy to say that it's not the same thing. We know Clinton made speeches. We know how much she made. And she's revealed everything about what she's worth. No comparison.)


Dance Around the May Polls and Stop Freaking the Fuck Out

Sigh. Here ya go. Gallup poll on May 20, 1980, President Jimmy Carter was leading not-quite-yet-god Ronald Reagan 49% to 41%:

And thank god Carter was re-elected or otherwise who knows what kind of fuckery Reagan would have gotten us into.

On May 18, 1988, "[Michael] Dukakis, the probable Democratic nominee, ran ahead of [George H.W.] Bush, the almost certain Republican candidate, by 49 percent to 39 percent among 1,056 registered voters." Bush had been ahead by a single percentage point just the week before in the New York Times/CBS poll.

Wanna keep going? Fine.

In late May 1992, Bill Clinton was in third place: "[George H. W.] Bush and [crazy motherfucker Ross] Perot were tied at 35 percent each, while Mr. Clinton was supported by 25 percent." And we never heard from Clinton again.

In May 2000, "Among all voters, [George W.] Bush led [Al] Gore by 8 percentage points, 47 to 39." And there is no dispute that Gore ended up winning the popular vote. (Extra, genuinely ball-chilling polling from 2000: "A related problem that has dogged Mr. Gore is that Mr. Bush is viewed as more of a leader. Fifty-three percent of registered voters in the new poll said Mr. Gore had strong leadership qualities; 63 percent said the same thing about Mr. Bush.")

Got the point? You do? Fuck it, let's keep going.

In May 2004, most polls showed John Kerry ahead of or tied with incumbent president and complete fucking human failure George W. Bush.

In May 2008, well, shit, let's let Gallup show us the way: "[Hillary] Clinton has been running better versus John McCain than [Barack] Obama in the Gallup tracking general election trial heats for the last four days, though McCain has the edge over each Democrat. Registered voters currently prefer McCain to Clinton by 46%-45% and McCain to Obama by 47%-42%" and we all remember how Clinton got the nomination because she made the argument that she could do better in the general than Obama.

To put it bluntly, calm the fuck down, some Democrats, about Donald Trump leading Hillary Clinton right now in the polls. Who the fuck cares? Most of recent history tells us that they aren't worth shit. If you believe that November is a done deal because of May, you need to take a drink, masturbate to Palin punishment porn, and relax.

Shit will get real sometime around July or August. Enjoy yourself before then. Say all the mean things about Trump you can come up with. And if he is still leading post-convention, you can freak the fuck out.


Tennessee Legislators Give Us the Future of the Culture War

Brave Bill Haslam, governor of the never-great state of Tennessee and a Republican, bravely faced a bill passed by the cowardly legislature. The bill targets a single office at a single public university: "State funds shall not be expended to support the Office for Diversity and Inclusion at the University of Tennessee, Knoxville." The original version of the bill said, really, that the funds would instead be used to place "a decal of the national motto on vehicles of local or state law enforcement agencies," but less stupid heads prevailed and the money was instead diverted to fund engineering scholarships to minority students.

However, the bill was also amended to include this fine bit of First Amendment-support: "State funds shall not be expended by the University of Tennessee to promote the use of gender neutral pronouns, to promote or inhibit the celebration of religious holidays, or to fund or support sex week." Yup, that's right. The men and women of the Tennessee legislature, Democrats and Republicans, were in a tizzy because UTK held a "sex week," where there were sessions like "Butt Stuff" and "How to Drive a Vulva." Imagine, at a college, where people are fucking nonstop all the time, the school hosted an event where people could talk openly about all the fucking in a positive, non-punitive way. But the cowardly legislature decided that no way, no how were hard-earned tax dollars gonna go to anything like vulva-driving workshops.

You can bet these were the same legislators who whined about "freedom" when it came to bakers and gay wedding cakes. But, hell, fuck it. Shut it down, said the legislature, and it sent the bill to Gov. Haslam.

And Haslam bravely let it become law without his signature. And the University of Tennessee's chancellor released a statement that the Office of Diversity and Inclusion would have to be shuttered starting in July.

What were the ODI's crimes? A newsletter from the UT Pride Center suggested alternative gender-neutral pronouns, which was met with a national outcry and derision, and then a memo that suggested that holiday parties should cut down on the Christian shit so everyone feels welcome. That went about as well as you might expect it would, with grandstanding legislators calling for the chancellor to resign.

We're seeing the next phase of the seemingly non-stop culture war. It's an attack on those ways that liberal discourse attempts to expand the community of the nation. The Tennessee legislature and, however passively, the governor have declared that there are people whose exclusion doesn't bother them one bit as long as they themselves remain comfortable and unchallenged.


Our Stupid Clinton/Sanders Battle Is Gonna Lose Us the War with Trump

The Rude Pundit is done arguing about whether Bernie Sanders or Hillary Clinton will be a stronger candidate against Donald Trump. He'll vote for whichever one is the nominee, but he's done fighting the idiotically vicious battle between them any further. He's seen both sides attack, having supported each one at different times. He's watched the overdramatic rhetoric get hotter and hotter. He's received death wishes and insults and, really, everyone who sent them can just go fuck themselves with a Trump butt plug.

Back in May 2008, when Hillary Clinton was continuing her obviously doomed campaign, having her surrogates fighting over delegate rules, trying to convince superdelegates to come to her side, this blog was resolutely against what she was doing and attacked her savagely for refusing to face the reality of her defeat. It would be the height of hypocrisy to not think the same about Bernie Sanders, clearly in a worse situation than Clinton was eight years ago. The Rude Pundit may not like the outcome, but there it is. And if there is one thing he despises more than anything, it's goddamned hypocrisy.

In June 2008, he wrote this about trying to understand angry Clinton supporters (and they were mighty fucking angry): "The Rude Pundit would like to think that if he was in the position of Clinton's voters, that his candidate was actually losing the nomination, he'd have the sense to toss in the towel, as many previous Clinton supporters are doing. He'd like to think that, well, shit, the rules sometimes suck, but so be it. And instead work to change the rules for the future. Yes, he'd like to think he'd be so gracious. Indeed, when it seemed that Clinton was the inevitable nominee back last year, the Rude Pundit was ready to go all in to defeat the real enemy, and that was never Hillary Clinton. And he certainly knows that he wouldn't keep fighting if Clinton got the number of delegates needed to win the nomination."

In a Kumbaya moment, he continued, "As Democrats, one of the things we have to figure out is how to respect the rage of the hardcore Clinton voters...We who support Obama cannot take this rage for granted. Surely, Obama has his work cut out for him in reaching out to Clinton supporters, when he secures the majority of the delegates. When that moment comes, though, it's incumbent upon us, the Obama supporters in Left Blogsylvania, to offer comfort to Clinton's most rabid acolytes and give them another place to call home."

Change names and the fight is the same. You want to think it isn't. You want to think that this fight is special, like you always want to believe that that guy you fucked last night is the one, that you can find happiness together. Sorry, but chances are that he's just another fuck. He might have been a good fuck, but you'll fuck again. The Rude Pundit wasn't dumb and deluded in 2008. He ain't dumb and deluded now.

There is a fuckin' brawl coming, Democrats. You think you've seen fights? You think you've been through Atwater and Rove and nothing can be as bad as Willie Horton or Swift Boats or Arkansas murders. Karl Rove didn't have Twitter or Instagram in 2000. You don't know the dirty fight that's about to happen. That's like saying you've been through a fight if you've just been punched in the face or had a bottle broken over your head. You don't know what a fight is until you've been on the ground, getting stomped and kicked and desperately hoping your hands don't break from covering your face, hoping you aren't killed, that your skull doesn't crack, that you can come out of it with a few teeth, flailing and trying to grab someone's leg or fist to try to stop them, hoping you can walk when it's done, wanting so badly to rip the nuts off the fuckers beating you down. Until you've gotten up from that, busted up, bleeding, sore, ribs fucked, nose broken, and wondered if it's even worth fighting on, you haven't been through what's about to hit our candidate.

Donald Trump's opening gambit was to accuse the former president of the United States of rape. That's the fucking prelude. Bill Clinton ain't running for office, and Trump called him a rapist. And if Trump's willing to go to rape now, nearly six months before the election, October will be a goddamned nightmare of slander and lies.

This is the first week that the Rude Pundit thought that there is a chance that Trump could win. No one thought a fucking buffoon like George W. Bush had a chance against the sitting vice-president during a time of economic stability and relative peace. And while, yes, Bush didn't actually "win," it shouldn't have even been close, even with Ralph Nader in the mix. The goal of the Trump campaign is going to be to so dishearten and disgust Democratic voters that they stay home. So we're gonna get a toxic gas, a poison, poured into us through our various screens, a nonstop scream of hatred and vindictiveness that'll make us beg for the kinder, gentler sodomizings of Karl Rove. Trump is a man without ethics, morals, conscience, or values. He exists for only himself. Anything else can be smashed like so many friezes on the side of an old building.

So that's why the Rude Pundit is bowing out of the Clinton/Sanders war. It will continue, surely, as long as there are keyboards and anonymous comment threads. But, sorry, to his mind, what's more important than electing a specific Democrat is stopping Trump and ending Trumpism. The direction of the Supreme Court, the treatment of immigrants, health insurance for millions of people are all on the line. That's the fight for the nation. That's the fight we better get into, or we're fucking done.


Trump, His Fake University, and the (Former) Plaintiff

Yeah, yeah, Megyn Kelly blew Donald Trump and didn't neglect his balls, blah, blah, blah, as if that was going to go any differently.

Instead, check out some shit from one of the lawsuits Trump is facing over Trump University, the bullshit entity that promised participants practical advice in making a fortune from real estate but actually had a mission of fleecing the rubes and getting them to participate in the greater glorification of His Trumpness (or, as a U.S. District Court put it in 2015, "a private, for profit entity offering real estate seminars and purporting to teach Mr. Trump's '[i]nsider success secrets'"). This is from a 2013 reversal of a denial of a motion that something or other that allows the lawsuit to go forward in the case of Tarla Makaeff et al v. Trump University and Donald J. Trump:

"In August 2008, Tarla Makaeff attended Trump University's three-day 'Fast Track to Foreclosure Workshop' at a cost of approximately $1,495, which Makaeff says she split with a friend. Makaeff describes the seminars as slick productions featuring carefully choreographed presentations, speakers blaring 'For the Love of Money,' the theme song from Trump's hit reality television series The Apprentice, and Trump University representatives exhorting customers to raise their credit card limits, ostensibly to enable "real estate transactions," but actually to facilitate the purchase of the $34,995 'Trump Gold Elite Program.'

"Apparently persuaded, Makaeff paid $34,995 to enroll in the Gold Elite Program, which entitled her to four three-day 'advanced training workshops,'  a three-day 'mentoring session in the field,' and 'training publications, software, and other materials.' Makaeff's satisfaction with the program was short-lived. In April 2009, after completing five more programs and workshops, and after seven months of the Gold Elite Program, she wrote an email to Trump University complaining that she was in a 'precarious financial position' and that she 'did not receive the value that I thought I would for such a large expenditure.' Makaeff had earlier spoken by phone with a Trump University representative who had told her that she was ineligible for a refund of the cost of the program. In response to Makaeff's email, Trump University offered more free 'mentoring services,' which Makaeff accepted.

"By Fall 2009, however, the relationship between Makaeff and Trump University had gone irretrievably south. Makaeff wrote to her bank and the Better Business Bureau, contacted government agencies, and posted on Internet message boards about her dispute with Trump University. Makaeff requested a refund of $5,100 from her bank for services charged for Trump University programs. In the letter to the Better Business Bureau, Makaeff requested a refund of her payments for services that she did not receive."

So Makaeff became the lead plaintiff in a class action lawsuit against Trump and his "university," and Trump countersued for defamation because she said shit that sucked was suck-ass shit. One of Trump's lawyer's pieces of evidence is that, early in the scam, Makaeff praised TU. However, the Ninth Circuit Court of Appeals called bullshit on that about as clearly as possible: "[I]t is plausible that Makaeff sincerely believed in Trump University's offerings when she submitted her written and videotaped testimonials. The gist of Makaeff's complaint about Trump University is that it constitutes an elaborate scam. As the recent Ponzi-scheme scandals involving onetime financial luminaries like Bernard Maou doff and Allen Stanford demonstrate, victims of con artists often sing the praises of their victimizers until the moment they realize they have been fleeced."

And there you have it. A U.S. court pretty much just implied that Donald Trump is a Madoff-level con artist.

This is not to mention that Trump's a bully who has no compunction about using thuggish methods to wreck anyone who crosses him. 'Cause, see, Makaeff just dropped out of the case because of an ongoing pattern of harassment by Trump, including a possible threat to ruin her financially. Of course, there were tweets, and Trump even attacked her at a rally in February, saying, "She is a horrible, horrible witness." He also said, "Her name is Tarloff or something." What a throbbing, inflamed asshole he is. The stress got to be too much, so Makaeff decided to walk away, which a judge allowed in April.

So whenever Trump tells you about Hillary Clinton facing indictment over her email server (she's not), remember that Trump will likely be fighting these Trump University cases for the next few years, likely needing to testify under oath about them. Wouldn't that be a lovely way to spend his possible first term?


In Brief: No, Bernie Sanders. That's a Bad Bernie Sanders.

In response to death threats against the Nevada Democratic Party Chair Roberta Lange after she was doxed following the upheaval at the state party's convention in Las Vegas, Bernie Sanders issued one of the stupidest fucking press releases the Rude Pundit has seen in a long damn time. See, the Sanders delegation appears to have been trying to shut the process down over what they saw as unfairness in the application of rules and in the way the convention's outcome was decided.

Referring to the death threats (including calling Lange the usual barrage of sexist terms), Sanders said, "Our campaign of course believes in non-violent change and it goes without saying that I condemn any and all forms of violence, including the personal harassment of individuals. But, when we speak of violence, I should add here that months ago, during the Nevada campaign, shots were fired into my campaign office in Nevada and apartment housing complex my campaign staff lived in was broken into and ransacked." That bullet hole found in a window at a Sanders campaign headquarters in Vegas is scary shit, indeed, especially because it was found on a day that Sanders was visiting that office in January. The police are still investigating.

But what Sanders is doing there is completely fucking irresponsible. By discussing violence against his campaign in the same breath as the death threats that came out of the convention, he is implying that Hillary Clinton's campaign or the Democratic Party was responsible for the "shots...fired" and the "apartment...ransacked." Is that a stretch? If it is, then why the fuck bring it up? To say, "Oh, you want violence? Here's some fuckin' violence"? Bullshit. There is an implied accusation, whether intentional or not. Chances are that this is some ham-fisted way of making a point.

And, hey, Bernie supporters, don't fucking respond  to this with "Oh, the rules are too complicated" or "They shut down the process" or "Shillary is Killary" or whatever the fuck you want to respond with. Honestly, the uprising at the convention itself is the kind of shit we expect when passions run deep. The Sanders campaign conspiracy theorists will have fuel for weeks now, even though most of their complaints boil down to "rules suck, man." Tim Robbins has probably worn out his thumbs tweeting about it.

But we're talking about the kind of fucked-up barrage of death threats that internet culture fosters, whether it's for a dentist who shot a lion or someone tweeting a stupid joke. Sanders didn't acknowledge that, in and of themselves, separate from whatever unconnected violence happened months ago, the violent, sexist language and explicit threats ("someone will hurt you") are fucked up. That's goddamned disheartening and, really, a missed opportunity to talk about the meaning of non-violence. Instead of strong condemnation, Sanders gave his worst voters a pass.

For fuck's sake, Sanders followers, this was over losing out on 4 fucking delegates.

And while the Rude Pundit has ignored much of the fuckery done by those followers to show how passionately they support Bernie, Sanders himself, through this response, may just have lost him this voter.


Note to Donald Trump's Supporters: Your Candidate Is Acting Like a Little Bitch

Let us say, and why not, that you are a regular at a sports bar, a loud joint that's often filled with people watching one game or another on the screens around the place. And let us say, and, indeed, why not, that you're a guy and there's this other guy at the bar who keeps bragging about how he's a black belt in krav maga, which you're not 100% sure is a thing (the belt, not the fighting technique), and how he can kick anyone's ass in the place because of his training. Most of the time, you're too busy watching the Yankees lose this season to give a shit. But then there's this one time where Johnny Krav Maga is taunting you for your team being kind of crappy this year and he's getting in your face and insulting you and finally you tell him you wanna take it outside. Let's see these skills. You figure if nothing else, you'll get to see how a black belt in lady gaga, or whatever the fuck he said, beats you down.

Except that Johnny backs off. He says that he doesn't want to hurt you. And, besides, he doesn't want to waste the energy on you to show you. You see this happen time and again. Johnny on the verge of a throwdown and then he demurs. Nah, not now. Well, now you just gotta know. Is this black belt real? Does this prick know kray mama or whatever the fuck? Or is he just full of shit? You want him to prove it. You want the big fuckin' talker to put the fuck up or shut the fuck up.

And that's where we are with Republican presidential candidate and America's angriest moldy tangerine, Donald Trump. Trump simply refuses to release his tax returns, saying that he doesn't have to and therefore he won't, 40 years of tradition be damned. You can go fuck yourselves with your demands. The funny part is that, to his blitheringly dim  followers, it's working.

When you read the comment threads of the damned over at the Trump-fellating website Breitbart (motto: "Andrew was a scum-sucking piece of roach shit, and we're not fit to lick his shoes"), for instance, you see levels of denial that will require regression therapy to deal with. If you want to see the returns, writes one poor sucker, "You're a big government fascist who loves taxes and wants to see people's private information." Another says, "Nobody cares about the tax returns except never trump crybabbies and Crooked Hillary's cronies." (That's unedited, by the way.) "Tax returns are just another failed attempt to derail Trump and it won't work," assures a third. On Twitter, the tweeterers are saying things like "If Trump had a 'BOMBSHELL' in his taxes the IRS would have leaked long ago since he is audited yearly." Have you sighed out loud yet?

Let's put aside for a moment that Trump said he'd release his taxes multiple times. Put aside that Trump said that Mitt Romney needed to release his taxes in 2012. Put aside that Trump demanded that President Obama release his birth certificate because Obama had the nerve to assert that he was born in the United States. Put aside, if you can, your knee-jerk response that Hillary Clinton hasn't released her speech transcripts (she's released her tax returns, but if Trump wants to release all his paid speech transcripts, well, then you have an argument). Put all that aside and focus on one thing.

Here's the deal, dear, dumb Trumpinistas: Your guy made a big fuckin' show about how he's worth $10 billion. So fuckin' prove it. Why should we take his fuckin' word for it? And if you do blindly believe him, then you're even stupider than your support for him demonstrates.

Donald Trump is acting like a little bitch when it comes to his taxes and his net worth. Your candidate is a little bitch. You don't want him to be a little bitch? Then show us the money. Or some fuckin' ledger or accounting system or, hey, the tax returns. And not the financial disclosure forms, which are so vague that you can say you're a bazillionaire and no one would care. Either he's worth billions or he ain't. We know he's gaming the tax system. And there is a damn good chance that he has a significantly low income compared to what he brags about.

If Trump's telling the truth, and, shit, let's give him $3 billion worth of wiggle room, well, that'll make us look like assholes and probably get him a fuckload of votes. But if he's lying, well, let's be frank here. You're dumb, so you'll probably still find a way to sweep that under the rug and slur out a desperate "Make Umerka Great Agin."

But, between the taxes and his bizarre refusal to say that he used to pretend to be other people in talking to people about his business and personal life (something he's admitted in the past to, among others, the New York Times), know that Trump is just a little bitch, a tiny yapping dog that can't do shit because he's so much smaller than he pretends to be.


Trying to Keep Up With Recent GOP Hypocrisy

So let's get this straight: Donald Trump advised Mitt Romney to released his tax returns when Romney was running in 2012, but now Trump says his own taxes are none of our business.

Trump says that we shouldn't pay attention to his pretending to be a spokesman for himself because "that took place 25 years ago. But Bill Clinton's affairs from 20 years ago or more are important enough for Trump to bring them up on the campaign trail.

Trump ally Chris Christie said in a press conference this week that the so-called "Bridgegate" investigation, from a multi-day incident in September 2013 that's still under investigation by the US attorney, is "old news" and "I'm done with that." But when Christie brought up the much-investigated September 2012 incident in Benghazi, Libya, as a way of degrading Hillary Clinton, that's current enough.

And let's not get into all the ways the Trump embraces the people that he was insulting during the campaign. That's just run-of-the-mill everyday political hypocrisy. Or that now he's saying that the Muslim ban was "just a suggestion" and that everything he proposes is just a negotiating tactic, although what's being negotiated isn't exactly clear. Banning some Muslims? Every other Muslim? Forget about the ban, that thing that was one of the main reasons you voted for him?

Or what about some more general Republican hypocrisy, like the uproar on the right over whether Facebook is suppressing conservative content in its news feed. These are the same outrage-mongers who think that bakers and florists and anyone who is a priggish Christian shouldn't have to provide services to same-sex weddings. They should have the "freedom" to make those decisions as a business. Yet Facebook can't say, "Yeah, we think conservative stories are bullshit and won't feature them"? Where's Facebook's freedom?

Or how about conservatives demanding that any welfare recipients follow the letter of the law, even getting drug tests in some states, but Texas or North Carolina can get all pissed off about being told that money they receive from the federal government is contingent on them following guidelines attached to the money - in these cases, that transgender people can use whatever bathroom matches their gender identity.

Which is it? What do you actually believe? The answer, of course, is "Whatever is convenient in the moment."


The Exhausting Part of Defending Hillary Clinton

Once again, as he does, the Rude Pundit found himself talking to a millennial about the upcoming election. She hates Trump, doesn't care for Bernie, and "couldn't possibly vote for Hillary." Her reasoning was "Well, there's what she did during Benghazi." What did she do? the Rude Pundit asked. "You know. When she didn't do anything about it. How she lied about it. You know."

Once again, the Rude Pundit flipped the fuck out: "No, stop it. Stop right there."

"No," she insisted. "Americans died."

The Rude Pundit threw up his hands. "You have no idea what you're talking about," he said. "Stop pretending that Benghazi is 9/11 plus Pearl Harbor times the Holocaust. 'Benghazi' is just a code word, something that conservatives have beaten into your brain so that when you hear it, your Pavlovian response is to drool over it. You know what Hillary Clinton did wrong? Do you?" She shook her head. "Nothing. Not a goddamned thing. Anyone who tells you otherwise is a fucking liar. There have been at least half a dozen investigations, mostly by Republicans and you know what they found? Nothing. But you keep reading your Facebook bullshitters telling you that 4 Americans killed in an unpredictable blow-up is the most important fucking thing in your lifetime and that bitch Hillary personally murdered everyone just so she could say it was over a video or whatever the fuck stupidity you believe." Yeah, he's a little tired of this conversation.

The millennial didn't care. She didn't care about that and she didn't care when the Rude Pundit explained that he's a Bernie voter and that if you don't want to vote for Hillary, do it because of what she believes, not because of whatever slander and propaganda have been tossed like eggs at your car. Except, truth be told, the Rude Pundit isn't being totally honest here.

See, one of the things that turned him against Clinton in 2008 is something that has given him pause this year. Call it "Clinton fake-scandal fatigue." It's the exhaustion that sets in every time someone brings up the email server or the Bill's affairs or, for fuck's sake, Benghazi, the nonstop noise of an old machine grinding for one last election.

You wanna know what the next six months is gonna be like if Clinton's the nominee? Check out the anti-Hillary Benghazi video that Trump's campaign put out this week on Instagram. It features this image:

That's Hillary Clinton laughing while the consulate in Libya burns. It's so fucking over the top. It's so fucking ridiculous. And it will gin up all the associations that Trump wants. It layers lies on top of bullshit until it forms strata of fuckery. Most of us will see it and roll our eyes at how hyperbolic it is. But we're not who it's directed at. It's aimed at anyone who is on the fence. It's aimed at the dumbasses who believe it anyways and just wanna get their blood all het up agin.

 And the fact that it's a retread of part of a Trump video from November means that we're going to see it over and over.

So, yeah, there's a part of this voter that thinks, "Goddamnit, we went through that for a good chunk of the 1990s. We can't go through it again." And that part fights against the part that say, "Fuck these lying fuckers for their fucking lies. Let's fight, motherfuckers." But it's just...enough, you know? You wanna put up the white flag and say, "Fine. You win. Now deal with Bernie." Because, yeah, they are going to throw everything under the red-baiting sun at Sanders, but there is no narrative for him. The narrative has to be created. All that has to be done for Clinton is a simple reminder, an image, a word.

Again, again, the Rude Pundit will say that he'll vote for Clinton in the general if she's the nominee. But, for now, he just wants to dream a bit.Trump doesn't stand a chance. This tax issue is gonna bite his ass mightily. And if you wanna see crowds, wait until President Obama gets out on the campaign trail for a Farewell/Legacy Protection Tour. Those things will happen whether Hillary is totally inevitable or if Bernie pulls out a totally improbable victory.

"Wait until they bring up Vince Foster," said another millennial, listening in on the earlier conversation.

"If that happens, fuck it. I'm outta here," the Rude Pundit said. "I'm heading to Canada. That Justin Trudeau is dreamy."


Forsaken by God and GOP, Evangelicals Have the Sads

Apparently, evangelical Christians are feeling abandoned by the Republican Party. Like a wealthy businessman who tosses aside a wife in order to marry a younger woman, the GOP - in the form of its voters - has decided to shitcan the usual boring old politicians who kissed the Jesus's ass and gone with a dick-waving hedonist who couldn't give a single shit about the Bible even when he tries. Yeah, the poor Christ-lovers have the sads over Donald Trump, and they're sounding like pussy atheist liberals over it. Said one God-fearing woman, "I really do feel like in the future I would hate to look back and say, ‘I voted for Hitler.’ I feel like that may be what is happening if I vote for Trump."

Yes, Father, you have forsaken them. Trump even attacked one of the leaders of the creepy conservative Southern Baptist Convention, Russell Moore, for the thought-crime of questioning the racist statements coming from the Republican nominee. Thus tweeteth Donald, "Russell Moore is truly a terrible representative of Evangelicals and all of the good they stand for. A nasty guy with no heart!" Trump only has one cheek, apparently.

One GOP activist says that Christian conservatives are gonna take a mulligan on this whole goddamned election: "I think they will probably stay home. That’s what I’m hearing. That’s what happened four years ago, that’s what happened eight years ago.” Of course, should Trump pick a beloved son or daughter of the godly people to be his running mate, well, that's another matter. Richard Viguerie, the longtime right-wing fluffer who is shockingly still alive, explained, "He needs to prove to us that he’s worthy of our support."

Oh, silly old fuck, Donald Trump doesn't need to prove a damn thing. That's the whole point of his campaign. The man has already said he ain't changing his tone, he's doubling down on all the things he believes, including that transgender people should be able to use whatever shitter they want, and he doesn't give a happy monkey fuck about outreach. Hell, he'll just tout the support of Jerry Falwell, Jr. and other leaders and groups in the movement, and he'll say how everyone can say, "Merry Christmas" or some such shit and promise to buff Bibi's balls and make Israel great again, and that'll be just enough Christian idiocy to please the yahoos.

But, mostly, fuck you, evangelicals. You sold your souls to the greedy, pandering politicians to fight for you in the bullshit culture wars. You ignore people who actually want to do things that Jesus talked about, like helping the poor and the sick and the oppressed, in favor of false prophets and sinners who get you to believe the lie that you'll get rich by making the rich richer, and that's fine as long as they hate them some queers and abortion, the twin baubles you are tossed as your presumptive leaders rob you blind, turn you into willing hypocrites, and tell you it's all God's will.

Right now, you're actually thinking about voting for the vulgar serial adulterer. And if you feel, as one pastor said, "abandoned by our party," well, shit, it was never really your party. You were just the marks for a bunch of con men, starting with Ronald Reagan. And as long as they abided by your hatred of difference and progress, you let them go on conning you. Now, in Trump, you finally have to face a candidate who can barely find the time to pay you lip service, let alone give you the blow jobs you're used to.

Congratulations, motherfuckers. Get on your knees. Not to pray. Now it's your turn to blow.


Photos That Make the Rude Pundit Want to Down Some Ecstasy and Watch The West Wing

Remember when idiots went bugfuck because President Obama put his feet up on the desk in the Oval Office? Remember when dumbasses lost their tiny minds because Obama was dressed too casually for a phone call with Vladimir Putin on the crisis in the Ukraine? Remember when fucknuts raised the batshit level to 11 because Obama saluted some Marines while he had a coffee cup in his hand?

Now imagine that photo up there was with President Obama. Imagine that a major terrorist attack had just occurred on U.S. soil, and this picture captured Obama sitting back with his feet on a desk as he was managing the crisis. Imagine the hategasm that would have ejaculated all over the media about what a filthy pig motherfucker Obama was for daring to look relaxed at such a time. Imagine if, during the bin Laden raid, he had kicked back all chill and shit. There would have been calls for his impeachment, if not his head.

But that is not President Obama. During the bin Laden raid, President Obama was pictured leaning forward, staring intently. Of course, he would be criticized for seeming cocky when he walked out to announce the raid, but, hell, of course, haters were gonna shit on what would have been, under the last administration, a cause for a street orgy.

That's President George W. Bush on September 11, 2001, post-My Pet Goat, when he was at Barksdale Air Force Base, looking for all the world like a man who was just told that the delivery guy forgot his sandwich.

This is not to slam Bush, although that'd be easy. It's to say that everything that Obama is criticized for - his casualness, his aloofness, his cool - was overlooked when it came to Bush and his brand of boobery by the same people who scream now. And that we should never forget that, even before Donald Trump, the Republicans had given us a total fucking idiot as their nominee, and he won.

Oh, and that putrescent pus-blob hulking there by the side used to be a demon and now he's just a fucking worm in the dirt.


Can Donald Trump Ever Not Be a Total Cunt? An Investigation With an Obvious Conclusion

(Note: Yeah, yeah, oh, our stars and garters, "cunt" is a terrible word. But if you think about a vagina when someone calls someone else a "cunt," then you're just fuckin' weird. Same goes if you think of a throbbing penis when someone is called a "dick." Word meanings change according to context, you pedantic twats.)

This morning on CNN's show with the title that could be Canadian softcore porn (Nude, Eh?), host Chris Cuomo was interviewing presumptive GOP presidential nominee (pause to swallow vomit) Donald Trump. As per his usual way, Trump was on the phone, more than likely as a small Puerto Rican child combed his pubes in order to pluck out the gray ones. Cuomo started the interview, as one does, with a statement leading into a question. He brought up Trump's attacks on Hillary Clinton as an "enabler" of President Bill Clinton's affairs. "What's your thinking on this line of attack?" Cuomo asked.

Trump could have easily swatted this aside and moved on to his usual incomprehensible stream of dumb-consciousness about who is terrible, who he loves, and how great Trump is. But, see, Donald Trump is a cunt, and, as a cunt, any perceived slight must be dealt with immediately, otherwise what's the good in being a cunt? So instead, Trump acted like a hurt 13 year-old who didn't get enough likes on her cute outfit she posted to Instagram. The candidate for president of one of the two major parties responded, "Well, this is a nice way to start off the interview. First of all, you should congratulate me for having won the race. I thought, you know, at least there would be a small congratulations, but I'm not surprised with CNN, because that's the way they treat Trump. It's the, you know, they call it the Clinton network and I believe that." Cuomo tried to defend himself, pointing out that he had congratulated Trump "the last time we spoke," but Trump continued, "You’re starting out with a question, we haven’t spoken, last week, towards the end, I was essentially the nominee of the party and you start off with this question which is not surprising, because, I understand CNN perhaps a lot better than you do."

In other words, Chris Cuomo, you did not kneel before Trump when he expected kneeling. You did not cradle his balls in your warm, wet mouth when he demanded they be cradled. It's what the media has done so far. Why wouldn't he expect it to continue?

Essentially, during this last week (or nearly a week) since he was beatified by the voters of the Republican Party, Trump has been on a rampage of threats and score-settling. His appearances and statements since he won the Indiana primary and chased out his last two rivals have been a breathtaking display of cuntistry.

For instance, check out his response to South Carolina Senator and a man who faces a difficult choice when he needs to take a piss at Target, Lindsey Graham. Graham said he wouldn't support Trump, who he thinks is a dangerous idiot who will get us all killed. Trump's campaign issued a statement from their candidate telling Graham to go fuck himself with a corn cob: "Every time I see Lindsey Graham spew hate during interviews I ask why the media never questions how I single-handedly destroyed his hapless run for President." First off, how does that make sense? Trump wants a reporter to ask Graham, "How did Mr. Trump single-handedly destroy your hapless run for President?" And, love or hate Graham, the man has spent a shit-ton of time thinking about military issues, so maybe his lack of support for Trump has more to do with shit he knows than being beaten by all the other Republicans. Trump didn't "single-handedly" (or "tiny-handedly") beat Graham. He suspended his campaign in December 2015, before a single vote was counted, when most of the candidates were still in the race. There were many hands beating off Graham.

But because Donald Trump is a dumb cunt, he had to say something dumb and cunty: "Judging by the incompetent way he ran his campaign, it is easy to see why his military strategies have failed so badly-we can’t even beat ISIS!" Putting aside the exclamation point, the backwards ball cap of punctuation, Lindsey Graham ain't the fuckin' Commander-in-Chief. He doesn't have any military strategies that he can put into operation. It's another time that Trump has shown a basic misunderstanding of how the government works. Or, more likely, he doesn't give a tossed monkey shit about learning it.

And, because Trump is a power-mad cunt, he had to end with something power-mad and cunty: "While I will unify the party, Lindsey Graham has shown himself to be beyond rehabilitation. And like the voters who rejected him, so will I!" Putting aside the exclamation point, the punctuation mark of anxious, sugar-speeding children, what the fuck is Trump saying? Will there be "rehabilitation"? Will it happen in camps? And if you're "rejected" and cannot be rehabilitated, will Chairman Trump-Mao send you to work in a mine in Mongolia?

Yes, obviously, from his petty slap fights with TV hosts to his outright contempt for those in his party who oppose him, Donald Trump is a total cunt. He's got cunt sons, a staff of cunts, a cuntish life, cunty points of view, and the decorating taste of an abject cunt. And any voter or politician who says they will support him in any way is a cunt, too.

America: Are we the land of the free or the home of the cunts?


Friday Reacharound: Medicaid Expansion Is Gonna Help a Shitload of People in Louisiana (and Save Money)

Dealing with a crushing budget crisis because of the incompetent fuckery of ex-governor Bobby Jindal and his Republican lackeys in the legislature, Louisiana's current governor, a Democrat, John Bel Edwards, has still been able to do some good for his state by simply doing one thing: accepting the expansion of Medicaid offered under the Affordable Care Act. With that one executive action, Edwards has turned a total apocalypse into a mere scorched-earth hellscape.

For instance, up in Monroe, one of the most shitkicker towns you'll ever visit (Duck Dynasty territory), Edwards spoke about how Medicaid expansion saved the safety net hospital there. Yeah, four other such hospitals are slated for closure, but University Health Conway was able to avoid that fate because the state is saving $184 million just by putting the burden for caring for more poor citizens on the federal government's tab.

And Louisiana is going to be the first state to use info from food stamp applications to fast-track people onto Medicaid. Officials expect 375,000 more people to be covered by Medicaid, or "Healthy Louisiana," as it will be known in the state. That's about 8% of the state's population having access to regular health care who previously didn't. If you add that to the 1.4 million Louisianians already on Medicaid, that's about a third of the population. If you add that to the nearly 800,000 who are on Medicare, and you've got over half the state reliant on the government for health insurance.

Let's say that again: Over half the residents of Louisiana, one of the most conservative states in the nation, will get their health insurance from the federal government (or the state government, although it's paid for by grants from the feds). In other words, words of idiots, the majority in Louisiana is a bunch of takers who, governor aside (remember: Edwards won only because whoremonger David Vitter was his opponent), will keep voting in Republicans because they don't want a bunch of no-account takers mooching off them.

But that's what we Democrats are damned to do, no? We must keep helping those who are too blind to see that they're getting help.


Senoras y Senores, Candidato Republicano Donald Trump

Hey, Republicans, that buffoon up there is your candidate for president. Your voters want him. That fake motherfucker fake eatin' a bowl of fake Mexican food and claiming it's awesome represents the party of Ulysses S. Grant and Teddy Roosevelt. Shit, Donald Trump makes fuckin' Warren G. Harding look like a goddamn golden hero.

How does that feel, John McCain? Lindsey Graham? Kelly Ayotte? All you supposedly once-rational Republicans? How do you feel seeing your party's standard bearer acting like he's gonna stuff thousands of calories and a tub of lard into his fat fucking cheddar-colored face?

"I love Hispanics!" his tweet screams, which is an improvement on his Archie Bunker-esque "I love the Hispanics" that he's been saying in every stream of consciousness speech, like in Pennsylvania recently: "I love the Hispanics, and I’m going to get so many jobs for the Hispanics, for the African Americans, for people that can’t get jobs now."

Meanwhile, Trump has doubled down on his vision of a deportation force rounding up undocumented immigrants, no doubt going into the homes of immigrants here legally, to drag away parents and break up families. It's an effort that one center-right think tank has estimated would kick the American economy right in the nuts. It would "reduce real private sector output by 2.9 percent to 4.7 percent or $381.5 billion to $623.2 billion." Or, you know, cause a shitload of unemployment.

But, hey, jump on board the hateful white-supremacist train, Nikki Haley (who, in a mighty stand, said she'll support Trump but won't be his vice president), Mitch McConnell, and Senator Richard Burr. One thing is for sure: After Trump finishes that taco salad, he'll be ready to shit all over anyone who is near him. And then he'll get Chris Christie to wipe his ass.

Man, Republicans, you have fucked yourself hard.


Dear Democrats: Don't Fuck This Up

Dear Democrats,

Rude Pundit here. Just a little advice from this party member before we finish off this ludicrous slog to the nomination.

You have been handed the election on a golden goddamned platter. You have been given a chance not just to take back the Senate but to possibly take the House, too. Even many conservatives think it's a good possibility. In fact, the only thing that's standing between here and total victory is that you're Democrats, and you're gonna make every effort to fuck this up. So don't. It's that simple. Don't fuck it up.

Now, you're perfectly justified in wondering, "We got this. How could we fuck it up?" Because you totally could, and it's not based on whether Bernie or Hillary is the nominee. Either of them can beat Trump as long as you keep the fucking up to a minimum.

For instance, you could be complete pussies during the general election. The GOP establishment was a bunch pussies and look where it got them. Donald Trump is going to come after Bernie or Hillary with the savagery of a swarm of starving rats, attempting to devour everything, including his opponent's bones. He takes pleasure in that shit. Listen to how he said, "Lyin' Ted" for Ted Cruz, a pathetic worm turd who never had a chance beyond the child-spanking and self-flagellation set. Trump would growl it out, like he was having an intense orgasm. He's already started in on "Crooked Hillary." Probably we'll get some "Commie Bernie" or shit like that. Those words stick and end up defining the terms of the debate.

Hillary Clinton's already come out with some weak words: "I don't think we can take a risk on a loose cannon like Donald Trump running our country...I do think he is a loose cannon, and loose cannons tend to misfire." A metaphor involving a phallic object ain't gonna work. You have to make Trump respond other than when he makes his stupid fucking chin-in smirk face that just seems like it's begging for a fist. Every single time you mention Trump, you call him something like "the candidate from the National Enquirer." You bring up the crazy shit - the birther stuff, Ted Cruz's dad, the Muslim ban. You make people make a choice between bugfuck or sane. Sure, a bunch of dumbasses will stand by him. But you make sure that his "charms," whatever the fuck those might be, don't end up tricking a bunch more by holding off on attacking the shit out of him. Trump believes he has the upper hand with his anti-politician, anti-PC crap. Counter that with anti-Trump personality, anti-stupid. Degrade, deride, and dismiss. Remember that mantra, Democrats, so you don't fuck it up.

And fuck appealing to Republicans.

Don't fuck up the down ticket races. The head of the Democratic Congressional Campaign Committee, Rep. Ben Ray Lujan of New Mexico, has the right idea in going after incumbent Republicans: "We’re going to make sure they’re tied to Donald Trump, and Donald Trump is tied to them." In some cases, that's gonna be easy. Incumbent Republican Tom Reed of New York endorsed Trump in March; he barely squeaked to victory in 2012 (2014 was an easier election for him). He's up against a Democrat, John Plumb, whose family has deep roots in the upstate NY region (Reed is from Illinois) and is a Navy veteran who supports a woman's right to choose and wants to do something to slow climate change. Throw shit-tons of money at that guy.

Trump is gonna be doing everything possible to throw a wrench into the Democratic election train engine. He will likely pick a woman as a running mate to stave off criticism of his sexism, thinking that it'll trick some women into abandoning Clinton (who, let's face it, whether we like it or not, is almost certainly going to be the Democratic nominee). He has to be hit hard and continuously, not with milquetoast policy disputes, but with barrages of deeply personal insults that put him on the defensive. Keep him on the ropes constantly because if there's one thing this fucker has proven is that he can throw a punch.

Punch first, Democrats. Or you'll fuck it up for all of us.


P.S. Oh, and regular Democratic voters who say they won't vote if Hillary's the nominee? That'll fuck it up, too.


Photos That Make the Rude Pundit Want to Down a Handful of Klonopin with a Case of Dixie

That right there is Isle de Jean Charles, Louisiana, written up in the fancy, big city New York Times today because the federal government is going to spend $48 million to relocate the town, which is going to be underwater soon due to climate change. The land used to be 11 miles long and 5 miles wide, but oil and gas companies helped things along by cutting canals and waterways into the already unstable wetlands area. Rising sea waters have accelerated erosion and inundated the land with salt from the ocean. The island has shrunk since the 1950s from 22,400 acres to just 320 acres today. There's a pretty stunning gif from the Baton Rouge Advocate that shows what the area looked like in 1971 and what it looks like now.

It's hard to figure out how moving just 27 families of Biloxi-Chitimacha-Choctaw Indians is going to cost $48 million, but that's the budget awarded by HUD. These are, according to several writers, "climate refugees."

What's happening in far south Louisiana is sad, no doubt, and a way of life is going to disappear, which is always a loss for our culture. It's interesting to note that Isle de Jean Charles is in Terrebonne Parish, Louisiana. The parish has voted strongly Republican in pretty much every election in the last 20 years, at least. The citizens there, who do include those in the small oil company-dependent city of Houma, voted overwhelmingly for Bobby Jindal in 2011. Jindal was a climate change denier who did approximately nothing to help his state from the obvious effects of something that isn't happening in the future, but is occurring right now. It even went for David Vitter in 2015 over the winner, Democrat John Bel Edwards, who trusts the scientists when it comes to science.

This is not to blame the people of Isle de Jean Charles directly. But the one road there is disappearing. A good-sized hurricane, like Gustav a few years back, will wipe it out. Either way, the land will be gone within a few years. So maybe it's time to hold to account some of the people who stood by while the state drowned. Maybe it's time for people in the region to call out the politicians who genuinely harmed them.


Don't Worry, Andrew Sullivan. Americans Are Too Lazy to Support a Tyrant

The Rude Pundit swore last night he wasn't going to read former uber-blogger Andrew Sullivan's "Didja miss me?" of an overlong piece on the death of democracy in New York magazine. He read the first line, "As this dystopian election campaign has unfolded, my mind keeps being tugged by a passage in Plato’s Republic," and told himself that this was going to be the ne plus ultra of douchey faux intellectualism. Then he skimmed the thing and came across "as I chitchatted over cocktails at a Washington office Christmas party in December," which made him close his computer and say, aloud, "Nope."

This morning, he opened the laptop again and it was waiting for him, like some hulking beast in the jungle of a Hemingway story, begging to slaughter or be slaughtered. So the Rude Pundit read the Sulli-piece. In it, our man in DC gets all verklempt that this country, so well-conceived by slaveowners and their enablers, might finally fall due to the rise of the dark lord, Donald Trump, and the heaving hordes of the unwashed that will no doubt follow him. Trump is, to Sullivan's mind, the near-ideal synthesis of subject - candidate - and form - the internet of idiots, as demonstrated on Twitter and various comment threads of the damned. Trump's racist rhetoric is "giving legitimacy to the most hysterical and ugly of human impulses."

Sullivan throws some historical knowledge at us: "Just as the English Civil War ended with a dictatorship under Oliver Cromwell, and the French Revolution gave us Napoleon Bonaparte, and the unstable chaos of Russian democracy yielded to Vladimir Putin, and the most recent burst of Egyptian democracy set the conditions for General el-Sisi’s coup, so our paralyzed, emotional hyperdemocracy leads the stumbling, frustrated, angry voter toward the chimerical panacea of Trump." That term, "hyperdemocracy," is one that Sullivan uses for, really, a democracy that allows the poors to vote and the naifs to get elected. He pins the blame for the rise of Trump on the very anti-intellectualism that propelled him ahead of the GOP's chosen candidates and on the over-democratization of the nation. The rabble are getting the best of the elites, and Sullivan says that we need elites "precisely to protect this precious democracy from its own destabilizing excesses."

And to that one can only say, "Motherfucker, who got us into this situation? It was the fucking insiders and the fucking 'elites' of each of the parties. It was the cocksucking elites in the media who wanted to lick some of the balls of real power. It was the bastard moneyed elites who manipulated elections and districts and courts and the entire goddamned system. We aren't here because gay people wanted to be allowed to get married and that pissed off the yahoos. We're here because decades of bullshit told the yahoos that their ignorance was right. The elites let them believe that they knew best. The elites can save us? Fuck. Only if they can save us from themselves. There aren't enough buildings for them to jump off in order to save the rest of us."

On top of that, Sullivan truly believes that widespread violence is on its way: "Every time Trump legitimizes potential violence by his supporters by saying it comes from a love of country, he sows the seeds for serious civil unrest." But the historical examples he uses dealt with populations who were legitimately oppressed, who legitimately had nothing. Many of Trump's supporters are people with jobs and health insurance and houses and families, people who like to go to ball games and drink beer with friends, people who might listen to Sean Hannity while driving around, but, at the end of the day, could give a fuck less when they get home and jack off to some online porn. Do you honestly think that those people are going to risk all of that shit that makes up their lives because Donald Trump tells them to riot? Fuck no. A couple of them are gonna throw some punches, a bunch of others will film it with their phones, and most everyone will go home because they don't want to lose their fuckin' jobs.

Writing about reality TV, Sullivan says, "In such a shame-free media environment, the assholes often win. In the end, you support them because they’re assholes." He's right. But he leaves out that most Americans are assholes, too. We are selfish and we mostly just want to be left the fuck alone. It's one of our greatest faults and one of our greatest strengths. It's why the post-Obama America didn't support the hopey-changey stuff when it needed support. We are selfish and we are fucking lazy assholes. Get up and go vote in the midterms? Nah, fuck that. So do you really think Americans are ready to put on the brownshirts? Do you know how much effort that takes? We've got cat videos to watch, goddamnit.

Sullivan tosses Sanders's candidacy into the fire of potential uprisings. But if Bernie Sanders's election run has taught us anything, it's that crowd-size doesn't equal votes. So calm the fuck down, Sully. Go back to obsessing over Sarah Palin.

Because, really, democracy started its death spiral sometime around Bush v. Gore in 2000, back when you supported W and then the Iraq war. Frankly, everything else is just a coda.