Perino, Thomas, and the NRCC: Great Moments in Republican Dickery:
It's always fun when you can recognize that someone's being a total dick, a veiny, hard, throbbing dick just looking for something to fuck. To wit:
The National Republican Congressional Committee (motto: "Please, God, don't let the stupid man in the White House hurt us anymore") is sponsoring an online petition exhorting loyal Republicans to "Stand with Rush." While a standing Rush Limbaugh is as rare a sight as a live Dominican girl leaving his Florida compound, apparently we need to make sure that Rush Limbaugh is allowed to say whatever the fuck he wants because "With the recent liberal effort to resurrect the 'fairness doctrine,' we have to recognize that free speech -- conservative free speech is under direct attack."
The key there, of course, is "conservative free speech," because the effort is discussed on the NRCC's blog. And the wonderful dickery is when you scroll down a bit, you get to all the posts about MoveOn.org's "Suck it, Petraeus" ad, including this tasty morsel: "The values of MoveOn.org are contary to the Red, White, and Blue values that we as Americans hold. Every politician, every elected leader, no matter what their political stripe, should be jumping at this opportunity to condemn the actions" of MoveOn.
MoveOn.org's free speech questioning a political appearance by a general? Fuck that. Rush Limbaugh's free speech calling an Iraq war vet opposing the war a suicide bomber? Stand with that shit. Howzabout Congress just back the fuck off on everyone for using this strange thing called "freedom of speech"?
Bonus humor points: the NRCC letter telling us to support Rush has this line about "the issue": "It is bigger than Rush Limbaugh." Let's just let that thought linger.
Dana Perino, Bush's hot press secretary who's just beggin' for a spankin', is no stranger to the act of dickery. Yesterday, at her press briefing, she was hammered with questions about the New York Times report on more secret memos offering ass-covering for torture techniques. There was the constant repetition of the White House line that they won't discuss specific interrogation methods because it'll let "the enemy" know how to defend against it, which is both bizarre and chilling, because have we really come up with such original shit that nobody could figure it out ahead of time?
Anyways, as she was being cornered, looking deliciously frightened, yet sneeringly contemptuous, like the most pulchritudinous rat ever, she lashed out at the reporters. Constantly repeating that torture has "prevented attacks," she said, "Now, if there were an attack on this country, all of the questions in here would be very different. You would be asking me, how did you allow this to happen?" And if the answer to that question is, "Because we didn't twist the nuts of this one guy hard enough," well, we would pretty fucked to begin with.
One can't leave the notion of dickery behind without at least a brief mention of Supreme Court Justice Clarence "The Grudge" Thomas's new book. The much-quoted liberal-bashing line of the book has been: "I'd grown up fearing the lynch mobs of the Ku Klux Klan; as an adult, I was starting to wonder if I'd been afraid of the wrong white people all along. My worst fears had come to pass not in Georgia but in Washington, D.C., where I was being pursued not by bigots in white robes but by left-wing zealots draped in flowing sanctimony."
One imagines that if Clarence Thomas had been beaten, dragged into a town square, set on fire, castrated, and hanged, he might feel a bit differently.
