Ron DeSantis Is Not Your New Trump, But He Is a...

Cunt. He's a cunt. If I put that in the title, someone would report it somewhere, but we're all presumably adult(ish) here, so I'll say it clearly: Florida Governor Ron DeSantis is a total, irredeemable cunt and every word out of his cunty mouth is filled with cuntishness. Sure, sure, you can have a delicate sensibility and call him a "dick" or "prick" or "asshole." But those insults don't capture the feeling of seeing and listening to Ron DeSantis quite as viscerally as "cunt." 

Honestly, there would be no reason to discuss the nature of DeSantis's cuntery were it not for all the talk about him being the most viable non-Trump candidate for the Republican nominee for president in 2024, with some seeing him as even more viable than Trump because he's not (yet) tainted by the scandals and barrage of lying and braying egotism that Trump has hanging over him. I'll get to why that's bullshit in a few. But let's just explore some of DeSantis's recent words and actions in order to get the full measure of his cuntocity. 

Like, for instance, the "speech" (if by "speech," you mean, "ranting culture war nonsense that exists only to give the yahoos a semi-chub for a couple of pathetic minutes") he delivered while rallying for despicable hate-humpers J.D. "Man, I really tricked you assholes with that shitty book" Vance in Ohio and Doug "Chew My Own Ballsack Crazy" Mastriano in Pennsylvania. Check this cunty bullshit: "We must fight the woke in our schools. We must fight the woke in our businesses. We must fight the woke in government agencies. We can never ever surrender to woke ideology. And I’ll tell you this, the state of Florida is where woke goes to die." 

"The woke" are also known as "people who give a fuck about people other than themselves," and we scare the shit out of cunts like DeSantis because we want them to, you know, give a fuck about people other than themselves. If you're a cunt, that's not even in the same universe you live in. It doesn't even occur to you. In fact, it so doesn't occur to DeSantis and the like-minded cunts in the Florida legislature that they passed a law that made it illegal to, well, pretty much talk at all about race or gender or real history or anything that might make cis het white people upset at schools or in businesses. Yeah, a judge blocked it, saying, in essence, "That shit's unconstitutional, you cunts." It's named, no, really, the "Stop WOKE Act," as in "Stop Wrongs to Our Kids and Employees Act" because they couldn't think of anything cuntier. 

You can throw in the "Don't Say 'Gay'" law DeSantis signed that regulates how sexuality can be discussed at all grade levels, not just in early elementary schools, as its supporters like to pretend. It has so freaked out teachers that they wonder if it's okay to wear rainbow stickers in the classroom. We could talk about what a gobsmacking cunt DeSantis has been to Disney, one of the largest employers in the state and one of the centers of the entire tax base there through tourism bucks. We could talk about the racial gerrymandering of the state he supports, or the decimation of the ranks of teachers because of his cuntish attacks on them, with his absolutely garbage plan to replace teachers with untrained, "retired law-enforcement officers, emergency-medical technicians, paramedics, and firefighters." At least they need to have bachelor's degrees. The military veterans DeSantis thinks can saunter into a middle school and teach algebra don't even need that. It's utterly degrading and demoralizing to educators, just like a cunt would do.

But for sheer, uncut culture war cuntistry, there's the new law that established a "Victims of Communism Day," something that is such a blow job to the Cuban community in Florida that DeSantis won't need to smoke cigars for all the cocks that are in his mouth. Check this shit out: "high school students enrolled in the United States Government class...must receive at least 45 minutes of instruction on 'Victims of Communism Day' to include topics such as Mao Zedong and the Cultural Revolution, Joseph Stalin and the Soviet System, Fidel Castro and the Cuban Revolution, Vladimir Lenin and the Russian Revolution, Pol Pot and the Khmer Rouge, and Nicolás Maduro and the Chavismo movement, and how victims suffered under these regimes through poverty, starvation, migration, systemic lethal violence, and suppression of speech."

Putting aside that it's fucking rich that none of this teaches anything about, you know, the theories of Marx, which might highlight how far from "communism" most of those regimes were, it's the height of smarmy, fuck-you cuntliness to required discussion about how all those dictators suppressed speech when you've signed laws that specifically suppress speech. But that's how cunts roll. They don't give a single, solitary fuck about hypocrisy.

Here's the difference between DeSantis and Donald Trump, and the reason why saying that he's the new Trump (even as he desperately wants to be the new Trump - seriously, motherfucker is trying to look like Trump) is fucking dumb: Try as he might, DeSantis can't hide his cuntiness. Yeah, Trump's a cunt, but Trump's also a goddamn showman. He enjoys playing the role of the raconteur and professional roaster, a con artist supreme, doing his double-handjob dance for the delight of the rubes. For people who believe the same savage things that he does, Trump's got charm to spare. Add to that the number of fucking idiots who really think Trump's some brilliant business tycoon and the even greater idiots who think "He TV man, must vote for TV man because on TV," and Trump was able to coat his cunty ways in a slick lube of celebrity. DeSantis is just a cunt, an angry, petty, whining cunt who appeals to a narrow bunch of shut-ins and maniacs and wealthy fuckfaces who all happen to congregate in Florida. No one else is gonna give a solitary fuck about him if he tries to run for president.

And Republicans know this. They know that, on a national level, their only hope right now is Trump. If DeSantis had a chance, more Republicans would be leaping off the Trump train before it goes over the scandal cliff. They know DeSantis is a cunt, cuntier than most of them, who are definitely also cunts. But a cunt with nothing to distract from being a cunt is just a cunt.

(Note: Your problems with the word "cunt" are noted.)


What About Those of Us Who Want Donald Trump Prosecuted? Talk to Us, Media

If there's one thing that runs through most political coverage of just about anything, it's that something is only good if Republicans believe it's good. Whenever some dullard pundit smirks pure bullshit about "bipartisanship," it inevitably means, "Here's a Democratic idea that is worthless unless Republicans buy into it." But a Republican idea never needs the approval of Democrats. I'm not talking votes alone. I'm talking how issues are covered. 

During Trump's presidency, we got a nonstop stream of yokel safaris, where some reporter from, generally, the New York Times, although they were certainly not alone here, goes to a stronghold of Trump support like Sisterfuck, Ohio, and interview the Sisterfuckians about how much they love Trump and what he was doing, which was always "a lot." You had to struggle to find articles on what Democratic voters thought. And then, with the election of Joe Biden, the media still ventured out to Sisterfuck, Cousinream, and Blowagoat to get their oh-so-American opinions on how much they hate Biden and what he's doing, which is always "a lot," with an added "and the election was stolen."

This is reaching its peak with the people decrying the FBI's search of Donald Trump's garish nightmare country club and home, Mar-a-Lago. As Michelle Goldberg points out (yes, in the New York Times), there is a strain of "centrist" thought that the search was out of bounds because it will divide the nation further, that it will "deepen" the country's "civic wounds," as Damon Linker wrote. Linker goes on to say that the high probability of violence in response to a Trump prosecution means that prosecution should be avoided: "I simply don’t agree with those who insist that not going after Trump will be even more dangerous than pursuing his prosecution." 

Certainly, voices on the right are screaming this, with politicians coming just up to the line of threats of violence (although certainly Republicans in Congress are threatening the FBI and the Justice Department, not to mention Merrick Garland and Christopher Wray personally, with investigation and defunding). And, yeah, the fucknut squad is doing what it's been jonesing to do, which means some of them are starting to die for the lies that Donald Trump keeps telling. But those dumb shitheads were just itching to try out their ARs and their YouTube military training on a government building. Most of them will just rant into the TikTok void for likes and subscribes, the currency of our moronic present. Of course, it takes only one getting a bomb next to or in a building or a few guns into an office to fuck things up for a whole lot of people. So I'll keep the mocking of these ignorant, delusional prickmites to a simmering minimum. 

The point here is not just that, obviously, prosecution shouldn't be based on how much upheaval it will cause to numbskulls who have smeared a viscous coating of lies on their naked flesh and are pretending it's armor. But media coverage is focusing only on the violent fucknuts. It ignores the much, much larger portion of the population who want to see that orange motherfucker behind bars for crimes he flaunted in our flustered faces.

Yeah, what about those of us who want Donald Trump indicted and prosecuted? We deserve to be heard, too. Prosecuting Trump is not merely for some abstract concept like adherence to "the rule of law." That has meaning. We have seen powerful people get away with crimes time and again. We needed George W. Bush and his crew of war criminals prosecuted. We needed the motherfuckers who almost blew up the economy of the world in 2008 to face justice. And we got nothing. We got the false promise that forgiveness would temper their behavior, only to see that forgiveness shit on and tossed back at those who did the forgiving, using it as a ticket to go further and act with impunity to wreck shit even more. 

We have to know that there is a limit. We have to know that in a nation that incarcerates more (mostly poor) people than any other, in a nation that tolerates mass murder on a daily basis, in a nation that does nothing to stop the unending harassment and threats that stream through our social media, in a nation that allows for lies to become policy, whether with climate change (until last week) or the election or abortion rights or education, in a nation as fucked as this nation is, something fucking matters, and that something has to be the very foundational idea that a president isn't above the law. The Obama administration, including Joe Biden, dropped the ball big-time with the Bush criminal enterprise. It can't happen again, so soon, because all faith in this delicate web we call "democracy" will fucking collapse. That's way more dangerous than Skeeter pretending he's Rambo and trying to take out an FBI office. We can stop the Skeeters, even if they do cause harm. We can't stop a web from collapsing once the threads are plucked free.

Jesus fuck, at least Bush and Cheney and Rumsfeld and the rest had the good sense to realize they had gotten away with it and went the fuck away. I sincerely believe that if Trump had accepted the results of the election and let everything go ahead peacefully, he would have gotten away with it, too. Instead, he's fucking daring anyone to stop his criminality. Trump is fostering this violence now. He could stop it, like he could have stopped the January 6 insurrection. But he won't. So he must be stopped by legal action.

Interview us, CNN and MSNBC and, yeah, even fuckin' Fox "news." Talk to those of us who need this prosecution to happen. What we have to say is far more important than what a bunch of lunatics ranting about civil war on The Donald think.


Note on Democratic Groups Helping Trump Republicans Win Primaries: So?

In one of the great "tut-tut" pieces in a while, the Editorial Board of the New York Times (motto: "We're partly responsible for the Iraq War and Trump's election, but you'll still subscribe") wrote that it was appalled by the idea that "Democratic Party groups have been elevating Big Lie proponents over their moderate Republican opponents all year." They take great umbrage - umbrage, I say - that Democrats would dare attempt to give subversive support to the fucknuts and grifters who make coin and get votes by saying that Donald Trump really won the 2020 election and that a conspiracy involving at least a few hundred thousand people worked to keep him out of office. The idea, of course, is that in a general election, those fucknuts and grifters (and, to be fair, the fucknut grifters) will be easily defeated by a Democrat. And what's the big strategy here? Reminding voters who is endorsed by Trump because to some idiot voters, that's like getting oral from Jesus.

But the Times's reasoning is this: electing "moderate Republicans" is a good thing. And what makes you a "moderate" Republican these days? Pretty much if you're not hooting racism into a tin can because an internet ghost told you it will bring about the Great Googamoogle or something. 

One example the Times gives of a Big Lie-loving, Trump-endorsed fucknut is Maryland's Dan Cox. It should be pointed out at all times that his campaign website is "Cox for Freedom." No, I'm not lying. Anyways, yeah, Cox is huffing deeply of the fumes from Trump's taint, but in just about every other way, he's your average fucking mad Republican. He supports guns for babies (or something close - you really can't tell anymore), is a nutzoid on abortion, and hates him some critical race theory in schools.  You know who else supports all those things except is a little more distant from Trump's grundle stink? Cox's opponent, Kelly Schulz. Oh, and groups like the Democratic Governors' Association bought ads saying that Cox was endorsed by Trump. 

Here's the thing, though. No one forced those voters to go for Cox. They were adults making adult decisions. 

Look at the even more bugfuck mad Kari Lake in Arizona. She campaigned on shitting in the dried up Lake Mead and laughing while she did it. Yet she won her primary. So, clearly, Republican voters in Arizona are good with attacks on wokeness and anti-choice madness (by the way, one interesting thing about Lake? She's for making almost all birth control available over-the counter and having the government pay for it. Hmm). But other than her support of the Big Lie and her vows to change Arizona voting laws so that this thing that never happened never happens again, her defeated opponent, Karrin Taylor Robson believes pretty much the same damn thing. Again, the key difference is that Lake got the help of Democratic groups because they hope crazy will lose.

But the key point here is that they're all fucking crazy; nearly every Republican is nuts. And even the ones who aren't explicitly saying that the 2020 election was stolen are calling for election "reform" or support gerrymandering and other shit that will hinder voting and help the GOP undo democracy.  So maybe we need a little less garment-rending over the idea that Democrats' bet that the general election voters won't give a nod to the crazies will fail and a little more over the fact that it simply doesn't fucking matter which Republicans are elected. 

And also let's not pretend that the right doesn't do this shit all the time. As Judd Legum and Kyle Tharp reported, a Republican-linked group is attempting to influence liberal members of Congress to vote against the climate change legislation by pretending to be a liberal group. The motherfuckery is deep in our politics.