Yee-Ha - It's a Conservative Rodeo:
Goddamn, it's a grand ol' time in Arlington, Virginia this weekend: the Conservative Political Action Conference is happening at the Marriott, and, holy shit, what a gathering it will be of nutcases, fascists, and people so aching to be fucked that they'll take their sexual frustration out on anyone within smacking distance. Why, continuing with his Gollum-like appearances, Dick Cheney will show up to once again demonstrate that the administration will only speak before gatherings of people who love it, thus avoiding any of that nasty democracy by actually hearing dissent. And with Ann Coulter, Bernard Goldberg, and the ever stench-ridden David Horowitz speaking, the liberal media will surely be treated like the drunk coed on the balcony once again. Put on by the American Conservative Union (fuck them - no link will be given), and co-sponsored by every crazed, eyes-a-spinnin', conspiracy minded hatemongering organization out there, why, the Marriott will barely be able to contain the jizz of the circle jerks of self-loathing white males and brainwashed white women and the few enslaved minorities who will be trotted out to show, look, really, really, J.C. Watts is a black man and he's conservative.

It's one of the more repulsive little gatherings of the year, up there with the Republican Convention, the NRA "I-don't-have-a-cock-but-I-have-a-gun" Fest, and Thanksgiving Dinner at the Bush compound in Kennebunkport. The Intercollegiate Studies Institute, the National Taxpayers' Union, the United Seniors Association, something for everyone involved in the events in Arlington, where fresh-faced conservative girls will be sorely tempted to disavow abstinence when the social conservatives meet the libertarians on the dance floor and white-boy overbite boogying will mix with jerky caffeine-induced undulations. Oh, to be a fly on the wall there.

You think they'll talk about the possible indictment of Rush Limbaugh for 10 felonies related to his unquenchable thirst for prescription pills? You think they'll chant, "Cunt! Cunt!" when Ann Coulter appears and continues to mock the Democrats, including questioning Wesley Clark's record as a general when so many of her conservative limp dicks never did any time in the military? (Don't worry - she'll be choosing some lucky virgin boy to suck dry so she can continue to live in pale-skinned insanity for a few days more.)

Nope. They'll all just sit and giggle at the latest oh-so-clever re-mix of Howard Dean's speech (which, really, and come on, get over it - it's more fun to see an enthusiastic Dean rallying the troops than a cold-as-ice President telling us to elect him or we're all gonna die). They'll make tons of Bill Clinton jokes because they like to pretend he's still available to kick aroud. Oh, and how they'll speculate that Hillary has a master plan to run and how much of a bitch they think she is (the brainwashed women will giggle in mock shock at the word). Then, they'll go back to their rooms, the good consevative men, and, with the TV porn playing quietly in the background, masturbating furtively, hoping that they'll be spanked by Elaine Chao (speaking) or probed by Bill Frist (speaking, too), grabbing their dicks and thinking about the cute blonde in the knee-length skirt, fondling themselves and singing "God Bless America" as they jack-off for God and country.