Dick Cheney Will Eat Your Brain:
You know what's funny about every time the administration defrosts the corpse of Dick Cheney and allows it to roam the earth? No matter what he says, no matter what he does, no matter how many attempts at smiles, Cheney is the face of the corporate soullessness of America, someone so worshipping at the altar of almighty Capital that he is devoid of morality, ethics, and humanity. And whenever he speaks, even if he's telling the truth, it is filthy with the subtext of profit over all else.

He is first and foremost the most painful, obvious reminder of that model of greed and corporate welfare, Halliburton. Cheney's visibility makes sure we don't forget that Halliburton can deceive the government through price-gouging, graft, and other assorted sins, and still be given a billion dollar contract. Jesus, if this is the way business is done, why doesn't McDonald's start sacrificing orphans to the heinous grin of Mayor McCheese in order to secure military food services contracts? But that'd ruin the fine job Halliburton is doing in feeding the troops in filthy mess halls and unsanitary conditions. Ahh, Halliburton, giving aid and comfort to the axis of evil (according to 60 Minutes), bilking the American people of billions of dollars, and "winning" no-bid contracts. Goddamn, it's good to be a corporation in America, where the veil of "regulation" hangs over the destruction of democracy. Any real government would have investigate these fuckers a long, long time ago. And, yet, here's the French, those pussies, daring to take on Cheney's tenure at Halliburton and charges of corruption and bribery involving Halliburton's subsidiaries and partners. The Rude Pundit isn't sure, but now that we're $7 billion in the hole to Halliburton, didn't this start as a couple of hundred mill, no bid, for putting out oil fires? And we were told that that was it, a couple hundred mill. And wasn't that used as a pre-text to say, "Well, Halliburton's there - we may as well give'em more, more money, more contracts, more incentive to screw America like it's a 10 year-old Mexican hooker who will fuck you but not take off her clothes."

So here's our Vice-President, one of the most corrupt and vile men ever to hold high office in this country. He goes hunting with Antonin Scalia after the Supreme Court has agreed to hear a case that involves Cheney and his energy task force of Corporate Super Friends. Damn, what a fine time that must have been, just Dick and Tony, in the wilds, on the tab of an oil services company (which, c'mon, and fuck, the fact that a judge is being wined, dined, and lodged by an energy company is more than reason for, say, "conflict of interest", no?). But, fear not, the duck hunting sucked, according to Big Tony Scalia: "The duck hunting was lousy. Our host said that in 35 years of duck hunting on this lease, he had never seen so few ducks." Use the Clinton test: imagine if Hillary went to a spa for a makeover with Ruth Bader Ginsburg when the Court was deciding issues related to, say, the Rose Law Firm documents. Imagine the outcry. Imagine the facials. Imagine the mud baths.

And here's our Vice-President, lying like a sumbitch about WMDs: "The jury is still out," he told Juan Williams on NPR. No, we can say, the jury wasn't out when you said that Iraq had nuclear weapons, etc. And then, you know, David Kay, weapons guru, said there are no weapons. Of course, Juan Williams, good house negro that he is, didn't challenge Cheney. Or maybe Cheney would have been forced to eat his brain.

So keep the Cheney corpse pumped with life. Allow it to eat the brains of willing young conservative virgins. Cheney got to get a taste of uncorrupted brain meat at the Conservative Political Action Conference this past weekend. Lying openly that he had worked for the public good, Cheney ate yummy brains, giggling madly as ganglia dangled from his mouth, heading to Europe to eat Italian brains, before coming home to face us all, again, spouting gloom and doom, which is all that the zombified public seems to understand.