Democracy and Democrats in the Frozen Wasteland of America:
Look, let's face some harsh, awful, fucked-up facts here: if Howard Dean gets the nomination, the press will attempt to eviscerate him in the same way they lied and exaggerated about, and, indeed, slandered (probably in the legal sense, too) Al Gore. It's a rough thing to deal with. Dean lovers know in the pits of their stomachs that this is true. And, frankly, if we want to get the mobsters in the White House out, we'd better deal with it. 'Cause, like, you see, it's not just the "angry" Dean that's going to get played to the hilt (although it's the way he's going to be characterized the rest of his life). Nope - every tiny, insignificant misstep will be magnified, every association will be loudly criticized, every fart will stink worse than any other fart in the history of farts.

Don't believe it? Shit, even Bill O'Reilly (who still needs to be sodomized with a microphone) noticed it. O'Reilly repeats ABC's "exclusive" that a former trooper to Dean beat his wife (the trooper's, not Judy Dean). Anything, anything at all, to slow a juggernaut that in any kind of real country would push Dean into the Presidency.

So it's gotta be Clark. Dean's gonna be painted as a New England liberal, which he's not, which Gephardt keeps pointing out. Kerry's gonna be painted as a New England liberal, which he kinda is. And, of course, we all know that "liberal" isn't a bad word. But we don't own Fox News, do we? It's gotta be Clark or maybe Edwards. Clark because when he stands next to Bush at a debate and the AWOL Prez tries to make some awkward statement about defense and security, he'll just look like the stupid tool he is next to Clark. This ain't an endorsement. This is an acknowledgement of reality.

In Iowa, frozen, grey, filled with mostly white people who fade into the frozen grey landscape, democracy is waking up. Gang-raped by five Supreme Court justices last time, democracy is starting on its long journey. It's messy, this process we have here. It's vicious, it's mean, and, despite all the protests to the contrary, it's the meanest fucker who wins. Hell, an easier way would be to throw all the candidates in a pit and see who comes out holding the most bitten-off heads. But let's give it a try, give it a spin- like an old lover who's come back after a bitter break-up, let's give democracy one last roll in the hay.