Kerry Didn't Fuck It Up So Badly:
Before anyone gets too freakin' excited about Iowa caucuses and the choice of the snow-mad, flat landscaped people there, remember: the only definite conclusion that can be drawn is that Dick Gephardt wasted a whole lot of money and gave up his seat in Congress on a pipe dream so distant that even the horizon at the end of the hard, harvested earth of Iowa looks close by comparison. Winning did nothing for Tom Harkin's campaign in 1992, nothing for Bob Dole or Gephardt in 1980, and, shit, George Bush (Sr.) came in third in 1988. So before Kerry and Edwards supporters get too wet with excitement, keep it in perspective. New Hampshire, also filled with snow-mad white people but who at least have hills and trees to look at, awaits, with Wesley Clark hungry for meat and Joe Lieberman waiting to end his campaign.

That said, hell, the Rude Pundit hopes Kerry celebrated by roundly rogering the Mrs., making her cry out, "Anticipation is making me wait" before he brought her to orgasm. Because the Rude Pundit, who, as previously mentioned, is a fickle bastard, has seen a glimmer of hope in Kerry that was lost in the folds of the Senator's morose face. The Vietnam vet factor is huge now. Check out this story of the soldier Kerry rescued in 'Nam. Now picture Kerry and his people hyping this heroism (and this is undiluted heroism - selfless, life-risking, and so goddamn brave that we're all pussies in its presence) against the image of Bush in that goddamn flight suit: here's your choice, America - a man who dodged bullets to save a stranger or a goofy rich pansy in a costume. The arrival of the vets is a huge boost for Kerry (yes, they've been there all along, but they've become more visible as our contemporary war creates a new generation of vets)and a huge slap in the face to the "Commander-in-Chief." See, we have mythologized the Vietnam vet - he's a bad ass who faced down guerillas, he's a little crazy, and he came home to decry a war that he participated in. Few single vets embody all of that, but it's a better mythology to be working with than prissy rich boy who pretends to be a rancher (c'mon - Bush would get fucked by steers he tries to rope).

So maybe a revision: maybe Kerry can't be pigeonholed simply as a New England liberal. Maybe it's gotta be him or Clark. Anyone to make W. look as very, very small as he actually is.

And Edwards? Vice-President in the making. He's the good-looking youngster (weird lip mole aside) who would make Dick Cheney look like the walking corpse he is. And where goes Edwards goes the NASCAR Dads 'cause the NASCAR dads know a real Southerner from a fake one.

And Dean? Goddamnit. Did you see his "concession" speech? The Rude Pundit believes he could take just about anyone in a fight, but Dean looked like he was ready to bite the head off a small child when he was rallying the crowd. And if you think it's unfair for this blog to take that photo out of context, imagine what Fox "news" is going to do with it.

This is a rambling entry. Sure, it trafficks in image and hype, but so does campaigning. Here's the deal: what we learned from Iowa is that Democrats want to win. They want someone to face down the President. They understand that the romance of Dean is nice (as was the Nader romance of 2000), but that winter forces us to re-think our priorities: do we want someone who makes us feel good when they fuck us or do we want someone who will make a comfortable home for our children? And the Democrats of Iowa emerged from their ice-caves to say, "We've had our fun. Now let's be grown-ups living in the real world."