Of Pundits, Candidates, and Men:
So, like, which Democratic candidate does Maureen Dowd want to fuck? 'Cause the New York Times "columnist" has been off on her trademark oh-so-cutesy-but-really-and-come-on-batshit-insane rants against Wesley Clark and Howard Dean in her most recent "columns." On Sunday, she spent her 750-plus word allotment on Wesley Clark's sweaters, believing that she was offering "insight" into how Clark was trying to soften his appeal to women. Today, she picks up the Times bizarro fixation on Howard Dean's wife and how Judy Dean hasn't played nicey-nice and stood by her man, how acting like a legitimate 21st century woman who is not merely an appendage and can't even fake it (like Hillary did for so long) is somehow wrong and twisted.

So that leaves us with the inevitable question: since she's obviously decided against Clark and Dean, and now that Braun has dropped out of the race to throw her support behind Dean, who does Dowd want fucking her? Does she desire the Sharpton cock of race-mythology proportions? Does she like her cock, like her Barney's clothes, at 20% off and wants a Lieber-humpin'? Does she like tiny men with large cocks, cocks so large that they get in their way, like Dennis Kucinich? Does she wanna get fucked in the ass, Deliverance-style, by John Edwards? Maybe it's a class thing. Maybe she wants to get fucked steelworker style by Dick "You Heard My Name" Gephardt? Or, maybe, just maybe, she believes, in her heart of hearts, that his patrician airs will fade away, and John Kerry will treat her like the Vietnamese whore she so obviously desires to be.

Bitch had to work hard to come up with a way to demean Clark. Bitch ain't gonna let up on Dean. Damn, the Rude Pundit sometimes is fooled into thinkin' bitch on our side. But like all bitches, male and female, the bitch is only out for itself.

Tomorrow: Iowa - does anyone remember what democracy looks like?