President Bush Tells Us All to Smoke the Joint:
Every dorm, every alley behind a nightclub, every high school parking lot on a Friday night has one: the guy who tells you he's got the awesomest shit you ever smoked, some, like, super-skunk that his uncle grows hydroponically from seeds he got in Holland or some such crap you don't really understand. And you believe him, pay him a little extra for the privilege of the bowl, and the first couple times you suck back that smoke, you think you feel it, that little extra kick, that quality mellow that only really fuckin' great dope can give you. But you realize that there's nothing there. That it's only hype, it's only that fucker with the baggie telling you how good it is. Sure, some are gonna pretend like it's good shit so they don't realize they've been dicked over big time. Some aren't even gonna know how much bullshit it all is. You, though, you know that you've been given a line, but there the guy is, all the time, smilin' and tellin' everyone that his shit is shit like you've never toked.

What makes people buy it? Peer pressure? The fear of looking like a fuckin' tool for even believing the guy in the first place? There's no shame in walkin' away, for tellin' the asshole to shove it up his ass.

So when George W. Bush comes out with his latest bullshit line about the economy, delivered today, smiling and telling us how hunky-fuckin'-dory the whole thing is, it's like he's tellin' us, "C'mon, pussy, smoke the joint." Here's what he said this morning with Secretary of Treasury Paulson attached to a collar at Bush's feet: "[Y]ou've reaffirmed the fact that our financial institutions are strong and that our capital markets are functioning efficiently and effectively. We obviously will continue to monitor the situation and when need be, will act decisively, in a way that continues to bring order to the financial markets. In the long run, our economy is going to be fine. Right now we're dealing with a difficult situation and, Mr. Secretary, I want to thank you very much for your steady and strong and consistent leadership."

C'mon, you just wanna say, tell us the goddamn truth, now, at last, in the last fuckin' days of your pathetically dying presidency, have a deathbed moment where you say, "Oh, no, no, really, we're fucked and I fucked it up." No, no, that's not gonna happen.

Talking about FISA, Bush painted Democrats in the House as subversive entities within our nation, talkin' smack about how, if people can sue telecoms for breaking the law and violating people's privacy, then America is just fucked: "they introduced a partisan bill that would undermine America's security." Fuck, that's the title of their fact sheet on it: "Democrats Suck Bin Laden's Cock," more or less.

Essentially, the entire running of the executive branch has come down to taking the President's word for shit: whether you're a telecom, a citizen who gives a happy monkey fuck about civil rights, or someone wondering why the fuck you just dropped fifty bucks into your gas tank while your 401K plunges down like dope flushed when the RA asks you what the fuck that smell is.

(Note: the Rude Pundit's March mini-fundraiser is on.)