How to Celebrate the Four Thousandth to Die For a Mistake (Advice in Bastardized Haiku Form):

1. The Gift Option
Sixteen miles or so
Of small intestines can make
Some very thick quilts

2. The Party Option
Six thousand gallons
Of blood is enough to fill
A dozen hot tubs

3. The Furniture Option
Eighty tons of bones
Could be used to build many
Comfortable chairs

Especially if
One upholsters them with skin
And stuffs them with fat

4. An Alternate Option
The eight thousand eyes
And eight thousand pairs of ears
Should be wrapped and shipped

In one large package
To 1600 Penn Ave
Washington, DC

When they arrive, Bush
Will wonder what they're used for;
Cheney will say, "So?"

(Note: all measurements are approximate. Some intestines, blood, bones, skin, fat, eyes, and ears might have been lost in various explosions, etc.)