Obama Is Not White and Clinton Has a Vagina (A Discussion in Two Parts):
1. Here's the thing about Geraldine Ferraro's remark where she said, more or less, "Everybody loves a dancing lawn jockey." She's not actually wrong in her initial assessment, for, surely, Barack Obama's race and cultural background garnered him some attention that might have gone to, say, John Edwards. Qualitatively, it's not that different to say, "Because Hillary Clinton conveniently had a vagina that Bill Clinton could plow, she has gotten to where she is." The freak factor always garners gawkers.

But Ferraro is dead fuckin' wrong, in a Bill Kristolesque way, to say that Obama's supporters are so blinded by the shine of his pearly teeth and his zip coon enthusiasm that it's all they care about. Just as it's wrong to say that Clinton's followers are bedazzled by her well-supported titties and schoolgirlish charms. Yes, one can't separate blackness from Obama or femaleness from Clinton, but, as Jesse Jackson and, well, fuck, Geraldine Ferraro discovered, ya gotta bring more to the game than pigmentation and genitalia.

Yes, of course, obviously, both Jackson and Ferraro were victims of various "isms" that were a bit more pronounced in the 1980s. But doesn't the fact that there's been at least some maturity on the part of the populace regarding race and gender make Ferraro's ultimately retardedly retro remarks so idiotic. The Rude Pundit's said it before: Yeah, Obama's got some people voting for him because he's black, just like Clinton's got people voting for her because she's, well, a she, just like there's people that'll vote for McCain only because he's not either. And all of those people are fuckin' tools.

The vast majority of Democrats may have glanced a second time at Obama because he's black, but he ain't inspiring a goddamn movement because he's shuckin' and jivin' the Negro card. To diminish it to that is to sneeringly look at Obama's voters and spit, "Nigger lovers" at them.

2. Regarding the matter of experience, had Hillary Clinton not had a vagina that Bill Clinton found appealing enough to plunge balls deep into, she surely would not be able to claim her years as First Lady as "experience." Again, being First Lady doesn't disqualify one from running for president, just like being squirted out of Barbara Bush's snatch doesn't disqualify one. But as for Clinton's constant claims that she was a player in the Clinton administration, well, fuck, one presumes that just as Nancy Reagan had her psychics, Clinton of course had an impact. Yes, the health care debacle was a time when the Clintons tried to redefine the role of a First Lady, and they were both smacked in the crotch for trying. After that, especially when it came to foreign affairs, was she anything more than a particularly smart cheerleader?

Put it this way: Washington, the lovely state, not the polluted city, has the death penalty. Its governor is Christine Gregoire. Her husband, the First Gentleman, is Mike Gregoire. Mike's a Vietnam vet, retired health care investigator, and currently an advocate for children's and family literacy. Good guy, Mike. Let us say, and why not, that one of the nine people on death row is up for execution, and he has to make his final appeal to Governor Gregoire. Maybe it's a tough case, one where the fairness of the trial is at issue. Gregoire may talk about it with Mike. Mike may voice a strong opinion. Hell, Mike may belong to groups opposed to capital punishment and maybe he's even testified before the legislature. But, at the end of the day, the decision on staying an execution rests with only one person at that point: Chris Gregoire. And no matter how close Mike may be to his wife, no matter how long they've been together, no matter how much semen he's ejaculated into her, no matter how many crises they've weathered, Mike will not know what it means to have that power over life and death.

Now, if Mike ran for governor and claimed he had a role in the staying of executions, wouldn't you just stare at Mike like he had a horn growing out of his head?

Hillary Clinton's running for president like she's an incumbent. But, whether in Bosnia with Sinbad and Sheryl Crow or having meetings with women in Northern Ireland, she was merely another goodwill ambassador or, at best, another diplomat. It's fucked up that she was slapped down so hard after the health care debate, that she was reduced in so many ways by the sexist asshole Republicans (and some idiot Democrats) to giving tours of the White House at Christmas. But no one's making a 3 a.m. phone call for that.