Why Michelle Malkin Ought To Be Caged Like a Rabid Shih-tzu, Part 972:
Michelle Malkin, in her latest "column" (if by "column," you mean, "Cave drawings of woolly mammoths fucking done by a retarded Neanderthal"), writes what is, esssentially, a mini-Turner Diaries of batshit post-9/11 anti-Muslim paranoia. In her "John Doe Manifesto," Malkin professes to speak for those anonymous everypeople whose sphincters clench each time they pass someone praying to Mecca. It's a how-to guide to justify every redneck pig-running action around the country.

Malkin declares that "I am John Doe," your neighbor, your fellow traveler, your boss. And John Doe, man, he's bugfuck nutzoid since the Big Day: "I will never forget the example of the passengers of United Airlines Flight 93 who refused to sit back on 9/11 and let themselves be murdered in the name of Islam without a fight." And your neighbor likes a certain actor: "I will never forget the alertness of actor James Woods, who notified a stewardess that several Arab men sitting in his first-class cabin on an August 2001 flight were behaving strangely. The men turned out to be 9/11 hijackers on a test run." James Woods, man, is there anything he can't do?

See, John Doe's got his guard up, all the goddamn time, because Uncle Fuckin' Sam wants him to be: "I will act when homeland security officials ask me to "report suspicious activity." John Does's worried that crazed Muslims are a-gonna take over the United States: "I will challenge your attempts to indoctrinate my children in our schools...I will resist the imposition of sharia principles and sharia law in my taxi cab, my restaurant, my community pool, the halls of Congress, our national monuments, the radio and television airwaves, and all public spaces."

Yeah, man, John Doe's getting his bug-eye on, checkin' shit out, makin' sure Uhmerka stays safe. "I will put my family's safety above sensitivity. I will put my country above multiculturalism," Malkin as Doe writes. "I will not submit to your will. I will not be intimidated." Damn, motherfucker's takin' a stand.

And, yet, strangely, you could turn this fucker around, replace Islamofascist or whatever, as well as a couple of other words, and it could be a "manifesto" for how to deal with the Bush administration. Christ, to live as Malkin wants us to would not be unlike using radiation therapy to cure a sinus infection, to use a bazooka to swat a fly.