In Brief: Mister Gonzales Regrets:
Attorney General Alberto Gonzales yesterday accepted responsibility for...well, shit, some broad, nebulous thing: "I am responsible for what happens at the Department of
Justice. I acknowledge that mistakes were made here. I accept that responsibility." He accepts responsibility, but he didn't make any mistakes. Mistakes, you see, "were made," passively, not actively. It's like saying that you left the door open to your apartment and your five vicious rottweilers went on a neighborhood killing spree, swallowing chihuahuas whole and taking down a couple of children and one old lady on a walker and you say, "Mistakes were made." And don't worry - you'll get to the bottom of it.

Gonzales admitted nothing yesterday. What we saw was the kind of legalistic bob and weave that makes "what is is" seem positively quaint. As the growing mold of the U.S. Attorney firings begins to infect the walls of the White House, AG AG, a man who has the creepy semi-smile you see on men like Jeffrey Dahmer just before they dine on a face, most regretted the leak of information: "I regret the fact that information was inadequately shared with individuals within the Department of Justice and that consequently information was shared with the Congress that was incomplete."

Then, just to demonstrate how clearly Gonzales is responsible for what goes on at the DOJ, he said, "As we can all imagine in an organization of 110,000 people, I am not aware of every bit of information that passes through the halls of the Department of Justice, nor am I aware of all decisions." In other words, the firing of U.S. Attorneys in collaboration with the White House was something that Gonzales was kept out of the loop on, to an extent, like not knowing who's running the NCAA pool or whether the travel office needs more ink for the copier. You can't keep up with everything that goes on in the goddamn place, you know?

Alberto Gonzales dared to trot out his "Oh, I am but a poor Hispanic boy who made good, gringo reporters" line, saying, "I've overcome a lot of obstacles in my life to become Attorney General," sounding like some mugger who wanted the jury to know that his father beat him and he had to watch his mom use food stamps.

Goddamn, throw the fuckin' book at him. Make sure it's the book that has things like, you know, the laws of the land in it.

Note: Yeah, yeah, the Rude Pundit's still workin' on evil.