Ten Other Things Khalid Sheikh Mohammed Claims Responsibility For:
Here's some of the stuff that was blocked out on Mohammed's brand new, attorney-firing distraction of a confession:

1. The long delay between seasons of The Sopranos.

2. Telling his captors to use more electricity on his left testicle for that is the way Allah makes him hang.

3. George W. Bush's re-election.

4. Those Head-On commercials. Terrorism in its purest form.

5. Sneezing on that CIA agent after a particularly long waterboarding session. And the agent's ensuing sniffles.

6. That burnt flavor in every cup of Starbucks coffee.

7. Splattering urine on the Koran after being tossed naked, shivering, and wet into a 50-degree cell and needing to take a piss really bad.

8. An upsurge in white t-shirt sales with a concomitant decline in back waxings throughout the Muslim world.

9. Ishtar.

10. American pride, man, American pride.