End the Week with Good News: V-Gay Day, California:
Goddamn, the Rude Pundit wishes he had been in the Castro in San Francisco last night. The most color-coordinated neighborhood in America must have been an explosion of festive, orgasmic jouissance the likes of which haven't been seen since the U.S. Supreme Court declared that it was totally legal to get blow and rim jobs all over the nation. The streets must have run with man chowder, the lights must have dimmed from all the vibrators being charged up, the convenience stores and pharmacies must have run out of chapstick and condoms, the air must have been filled with beautiful cries and joyous curses, and, this morning, there must be many sore knees, tongues, assholes, cocks, and twats. Yes, yes, to have been there last night, after the kind of V-Gay Day the queer community experienced, would be to have experienced ecstasy in all its fulfilling forms.
Of course, here are battles to come in California and the nation in our ongoing, stupid war over the right of marriage for gays, lesbians, et al. There's the very real possibility of a referendum changing Cali's constitution to outlaw gay marriage. There's the gut-churning likelihood that, like in 2004, idiots will be manipulated by conservatives to think that the potential of icky homosexuals gettin' hitched is a more important issue than the war or the economy. But, for now, for a day or two, let's just celebrate a sane ruling by the California Supreme Court saying, in essence, "What the fuck is wrong with you people? Ain't it obvious? 'Equality' means 'equality,' motherfuckers. Let the gays get married."
Actually, the text of the ruling itself is, for a non-Scalia-scribed judicial decision, quite the little bitch slapping. Check this out:
"[T]he constitutionally based right to marry properly must be understood to encompass the core set of basic substantive legal rights and attributes traditionally associated with marriage that are so integral to an individual’s liberty and personal autonomy that they may not be eliminated or abrogated by the Legislature or by the electorate through the statutory initiative process. These core substantive rights include, most fundamentally, the opportunity of an individual to establish — with the person with whom the individual has chosen to share his or her life — an officially recognized and protected family possessing mutual rights and responsibilities and entitled to the same respect and dignity accorded a union traditionally designated as marriage."
You got that, family values-humpin' tool? No? How about here then: the Court said, "Furthermore, in contrast to earlier times, our state now recognizes that an individual’s capacity to establish a loving and long-term committed relationship with another person and responsibly to care for and raise children does not depend upon the individual’s sexual orientation, and, more generally, that an individual’s sexual orientation — like a person’s race or gender — does not constitute a legitimate basis upon which to deny or withhold legal rights."
In other words, this is family values in the real world, not in some backwards ass context where, oodles of evidence to the contrary, only straight couples can somehow raise kids who don't want to, say, shoot up schools or rape dogs or whatever shit taint-licking fundamentalists believe.
Much of the rest of the decision deals with the separate-but-equal designations foisted on gay couples by frightened kitten governments. In another beautiful "shut the fuck up, you 'tards" statement, the Court writes, "[T]he limitation clearly is not necessary to preserve the rights and benefits of marriage currently enjoyed by opposite-sex couples. Extending access to the designation of marriage to same sex couples will not deprive any opposite-sex couple or their children of any of the rights and benefits conferred by the marriage statutes, but simply will make the benefit of the marriage designation available to same-sex couples and their children."
Or, in the real world, stop being such assholes. A cocksucker marrying another cocksucker ain't gonna stop your wife from sucking your cock. And if your daughters want to suck cock, gay marriage won't halt them and they can even marry the guy attached to the sucked cock. And if your sons want to suck cock, well, now, in California, they can even marry the guy attached to the sucked cock. Everyone wins.
And the Rude Pundit is thinking fondly of a pair of lesbians who are friends of his up in Eureka, who were planning their trip to San Francisco when that city briefly allowed gays to marry. The same court put the kibosh on that because, really, rationally, each city in a state making marriage laws would be utter chaos. But now, he knows, this couple, together for almost a decade, will be able to tie the knot in their own backyard. Ahh, paradise for a pair of dykes. Hey, Karen and Stace, the Rude Pundit's already dusting off his suede vest for the occasion.