Why Bill Kristol Ought to Be Sodomized with a Rolled-Up Issue of The Nation (Part 327):
In today's New York Times, the Clarence Thomas of the paper's regular columnists, William Kristol, tries to give hope to John McCain supporters that they shall overcome the Barack Obama juggernaut. And it's such a pathetic little half-whimper of a rallying cry that it's more or less the rhetorical equivalent of a would-be prison bitch being punched in the face repeatedly by the yard's biggest man-rapist who wants his ass. Yeah, you feel sorry for the bitch as he desperately swings his fists at the air, but you know that in the end, how ever much his nose is busted up and he's tasting blood, that poor fucker's gettin' reamed out.

Kristol, who, it must be pointed out as often as possible, was Alan Keyes' campaign manager in the insane bastard's way unsuccessful Senate race, says there's three things that happened last week that bode ill for Obama: Obama's huge-ass loss in West Virginia, the California Supreme Court's mucho logical decision allowing gays to marry, and President Bush's simpering attack on anyone who would talk to "radicals," like the leaders of Iran. For Kristol, these all add up to possible trouble for Obama, coupled with Kristol's deep research into voting trends, that, believe it or not, Republicans can win the presidency when Democrats make congressional gains.

Yep, the best Kristol can muster is that bad shit for Obama is good for McCain (although some of us think that two out of three of Kristol's demerits are actually pluses for Obama and/or the nation). Or, in other words, according to Bill Kristol, really, truly, the only way McCain wins is by Obama fucking up. How well did that work out for Hillary Clinton?

It's truly, sadly hilarious, how little energy Kristol can muster in attempting to support McCain. You look around at the neocons and the evangelicals, and you realize that they are just lost, bereft, depressed. If the Rude Pundit gave a shit about them, he'd say they need to be on suicide watch. However, indeed, these fuckin' lemmings need to follow George Bush over the goddamn cliff so that we can clear the land of rodent droppings.

So as much as Kristol needs that "This year’s election could see a return to this cold-war model — a strong-on-national-security and supporter-of-middle-American-values Republican presidential candidate prevailing, while at the same time voters choose a Democratic Congress," what he's gonna get is an election that doesn't follow the same script.

And that'll be mostly thanks to Bill Kristol and his fellow future wrist cutters.