Photos That Make the Rude Pundit Want to Snort Coke and Play Golf:

That right there is a picture of the Leader of the Free World bumping chests with a graduating Air Force Academy cadet. It's one of those things that reminds you that there is no God.

Or, if there is one, he's shaking his head and sighing, too, wondering if he can speed time up a bit to get to next January.

In his commencement address to the graduates out in Colorado Springs yesterday, George W. Bush offered a bit of wisdom and perspective to the new Air Force officers: "For all the advanced military capabilities at our disposal, the most powerful weapon in our arsenal is the power of freedom. We can see this story in the 20th century. In 1941, when Nazi bombers pounded London and Imperial Japan attacked Pearl Harbor, the future of freedom appeared bleak."

He explained, ignoring such events as, you know, the American Revolution, "Many throughout history have underestimated the power of freedom to overcome tyranny and transform whole societies. Yet in the end, despite challenges and setbacks, freedom ultimately prevails, because the desire for liberty is written by our Creator in every human heart." Truly, it's as if this motherfucker just discovered how to use a fork for food; he's gonna run around and tell everyone about this amazing new thing you can do with a back scratcher.

And then, without any sense of irony, he later said, "We understand that free societies are peaceful societies." One might think that means that free societies don't start wars just for shits and giggles, but the Rude Pundit isn't even sure what the fuck Bush means by "freedom," let alone "peaceful."

He's pretty sure, though, that Bush doesn't understand what those things mean, too, because if "freedom" is a weapon in an arsenal, the biggest goddamn arrow in the quiver, then doesn't that imply that "peace" ain't exactly the main thing on the mind of those who would wield the rocket launcher of freedom?

Sure, sure, it's parsing things a bit, but when Bush said, "[P]eople who live in liberty and hope do not turn to ideologies of hatred and fear," he's leaving out shit like, well, the American South up until recently. Those white people there were living in liberty, no? Was their ideology all love and comfort to the non-white citizens around them?

In other words, the entire faux basis for Bush's foreign policy, the notion that "freedom" in and of itself will make glittery rainbows appear over Basra and unicorn ponies run through the Khyber Pass, is a house of lies on a pile of shit. Our shit. Made in the USA.

Still, Bush wound up by, in essence, saying that unless you don't want to continue his war, you're a pussy, and you don't wanna be a pussy, do you, pussy? "Our enemies say that America is weak and decadent, and does not have the stomach for the long fight. Our enemies have never set foot on the campus of the United States Air Force Academy," he said to applause, everyone there not wanting to be weak, decadent, and nauseated.

Alas, sweet chest-bumping Theodore Shiveley of Plano, Texas, you who just wants to serve your country and get a solid education in the process, know that what that black-coated doofus desires is nothing less than your flesh for his mad notion of freedom.