What John McCain Really Meant When He Called His Wife a "Cunt":
In Cliff Schecter's hilariously scary book The Real McCain, the author gives an account of a moment in 1992 when John McCain's wife Cindy teased the Senator about his thinning hair, to which McCain responded, "At least I don't plaster on the makeup like a trollop, you cunt." And this was in front of other people.

Truly, one might read that in a negative way. Certainly Baptist minister Marty Parrish took it as derogatory when he asked McCain himself to confirm or deny it. It was an effort that got Parrish a nervous non-answer and an escort from the townhall meeting McCain was holding.

Indeed, though, perhaps we need to give McCain the benefit of the doubt. And, once you think about it, it's pretty clear what was going on.

It's foreplay. See, whenever Cindy McCain is feeling frisky, she knows that the only way her nearly disabled, PTS-haunted, ex-POW husband can get even a semi-erection is through a continuous, escalating series of insults and return insults, eventually leading to violence which culminates in sexual congress. For instance, in the above example, Cindy McCain began with a simple slight about John's hair, which has never exactly been a gorgeous mane. McCain turned it back on her by goading her about her taste in the Mary Kay, adding the "you cunt" as a clue that the pre-intercourse game was afoot.

Cindy later whispered in his ear, "C'mon, you limping cocksucker, stop climbing the stairs to the bedroom like a fuckin' marionette trying to get off his strings."

McCain's response? "Shut up, you fucking whore, before I rape you with a Coors bottle."

To which Cindy said, "Well, at least I'd feel something, you gerbil-dicked motherfucker."

By this point, back at their (well, really, her) home, McCain said, "Please. Your tits sag any lower, you'll be able to fuck yourself with your own dugs."

Ripping off her top to reveal her well-implanted and buffed tan breasts, Cindy announced, "You can't even lift your arms to reach these."

Grabbing her ass and squeezing until she started to whimper, McCain yelled, "I'm gonna show you how we dealt with traitors back at the Hilton, bitch."

And this, of course, was followed by more insults, medals pinned to butt cheeks, balls pounded, a few desperate thrusts, a few more desperate sucks and fondles to try to coax a hard-on, followed by curses, weeping, a flashback or two involving fellatio in exchange for food, more weeping, and then, finally, the two of them on their backs with McCain saying, "That was good. Make sure you do that hair thing again tomorrow."