John McCain: The Town Hall Stalker (Updated):
Let us say, and why not, that you're a guy, a gay one and single, living in DC, and you go to a party at a friend's place in Dupont Circle. It's a fun, low-key gathering, mixed crowd, but lots of people worth talking about. Someone points out to you the kind of creepy-looking dude who has a lot of people hanging around him. Says he's a good guy, nice to talk to, will treat you right, maybe you oughta talk to him. So you, being open-minded, head over to his corner, introduce yourself, and, while he seems harmless enough, there's no click and, well, truly, he's kind of creepy, a cross between a molesting priest and a partner-beater.

You want out of the conversation, and as you make excuses for heading to the bar, creepy-but-seemingly-harmless guy - hell, let's give him a name, like "Sean" - says you two should go out sometime. Wanting to get back to the others, and maybe, in a friendly sense, half-meaning it, you say, "Sure, let's do that." You see where this is going, no? You, dear, kind gay guy, have set off a chain of events that'll leave you curled up in a corner and wishing that the whole city would just disappear into the slime-covered swamp it's built on.

Creepy Sean starts calling you, asking you when you're gonna go out. After being nice about it, putting him off, hoping he'll get the idea, like most normal people would, you let voicemail get him. And then you just block his number, thinking that will be that. But then you hear that Creepy Sean has been bad mouthing you, telling others how you don't keep your promises. Then he takes it further, making shit up about you, saying you've got herpes, maybe even HIV, saying you like to fuck young teenage boys unprotected so you can infect them, saying how you stabbed in the back the last guy you had a relationship with and robbed his mom. Your friends, they know Creepy Sean's a fucking asshole. But people who don't know you? They start to eyeball you at clubs and restaurants, wondering if you are the monster Creepy Sean describes.

Finally, you see Creepy Sean on the street. You walk up to him and confront him. What the fuck? Creepy Sean just looks at you placidly, taking you in up and down, and says, "Hey, if you'd have gone out with me, none of this would have happened."

John McCain and his lackeys keep bringing up the idea that Barack Obama should tour with McCain on a series of town hall meetings, and that it is Obama's refusal to do so that has made the campaigns go negative. McCain brought it up Monday on Morning Joe on MSNBC, saying to Morning Mika while accusing her of being Obama's bitch, "I still say to you, and I know you're a supporter of Senator Obama, if you would urge him -- if you would urge him to come and do town hall meetings with me as I've asked him to do time after time, the whole tenor of the campaign would change." Rudy "My Relevance Is Back Where It Should Have Always Been" Giuliani said on Meet the Press regarding negative ads, "I think the main reason for that is that Senator Obama has refused to debate in these town hall meetings every week with Senator McCain."

At a speech Monday in Orlando, McCain was downright pathetic in begging Obama to town hall it with him: "I have urged Senator Obama on time after time after time, why don't you come down here with me, why don't you come with me and we'll both do town hall meetings together and we'll pick whatever audience that anybody can take. And let's do the town hall meetings. A lot of the people don't like the tenor of this campaign and a lot of the back and forth. I guarantee you, I know that if you stand on the same stage with your opponent and you hear from the American people and the American people hear from you, a lot of that negative stuff disappears. So the next time you run into one of your Democrat friends, would you say, look, why don't you urge Senator Obama. We've got a long time to go...So why don't we do that, Senator Obama? Why don't we stand together on the stage around this country. I'll even pay for the airplane. And I promise not to fly it, but I'll pay for it."

Christ, McCain sounds like a cheap coke whore wandering a bar looking for one more cock to suck so she can afford some rock.

So what the McCain campaign is saying is that they'd stop the negative ads if Obama would give in to McCain's demands. And that it's Obama's fault because he won't say yes. Well, that's very Republican, isn't it? Blaming the victim? Luckily, Obama's not playing. He gave in to the stalking that Bill O'Reilly did for an interview, and that got him nowhere.

Here's the thing: if you finally give in to Creepy Sean and go on that date, Creepy Sean won't want it to stop at that. Because Creepy Sean will have figured out how to get to you, and pretty soon he'll be demanding your ass on satin sheets. The solution? Well, you can talk smack about Creepy Sean, get his friends to abandon him, throw parties where he's not invited. But that takes time. Sometimes you gotta give in to that id, man, and kick Creepy Sean's ass so hard his buttocks become earmuffs.

Update: Nothing actually new. The Rude Pundit just noticed something else in that John McCain quote from his Orlando speech. How he promises not to fly the plane. Is that a tee-hee-I've-crashed-so-many-times-I-oughta-be-tortured-for-it joke?