Giuliani: I Am a Man-Cunt:
Rudy Giuliani is a depraved fucker, the kind of whore who'll do anything to show just how a crazy-eyed cunt can take the chowder. Seriously, if Rudy was a hooker, he'd be on his scabby knees in bus stop men's rooms giving blumpkins for five bucks a dump. 'Cause he's a fisting-taking, felching-giving, cum-guzzling bitch. Cleveland steamer this slut and bathe him in golden showers 'cause Rudy can take it all.

In his speech last night to the Republican National Convention, Rudy went tranq gun-ready nutzoid, slashing the air with a gnarled hand, sneering his upper lip, snarling his chemically-whitened donkey teeth, all in an effort to do the bidding of the party that told him to shove his presidential aspirations up his cross-dressing, queer-loving, socialite-fucking ass. And he loved it, he fuckin' lapped it up like a starving labradoodle finding a pool of vomit, stretching his alloted time to the breaking point, an attention whore of appetites unknown outside of the courts of mad queens and simpering princesses.

His vicious attack on Barack Obama must have made the retarded delegates mad with sexual desire for all things bald and skeevy and creepy. They must have gone back to their Twin Cities hotel rooms and had orgies where they all sucked each other's blood and balled in every unstopped-up orifice. For when Rudy starting to lay into Obama, it was with all the force of a man who was told to go fuck himself with his Twin Towers and needed to project his rage at his fellow Republicans onto the Democrats.

When he said, "He is the least experienced candidate for president of the United States in at least the last 100 years," and followed that with, "Not a personal attack," we had entered the kind of through-the-looking-glass derangement that is usually accompanied by carousel music. He followed the crowd into a chant of "Drill, baby, drill," referring to, of course, oil, but it was more a kind of mass hysteria that comes before a hanging.

Fuck it. Watching most of the speeches at the Republican Convention is like watching people give eulogies at their own wake. When Giuliani said of Obama, "He's never had to lead people in crisis," the Rude Pundit thought, "Obama is right now."