Eight (Or So) Lines to Use When Talking to Your Conservative Friends About the Sarah Palin Interview:
Charlie Gibson's interviews on ABC with vice presidential candidate Sarah Palin have been excerpted, with the full horror on display tonight. Already, conservative tools like Torie Clarke are defending Palin's utter dimwittery (and, no, calling her dumb is not sexist). So when you're speaking with some conservative friend who is trying desperately to justify the Palin nomination and her depressing interview, here's a few ways to not let them off the hook:
1. "Well, at least we know which parent Trig favors."
2. "She's like President Bush, but stupid."
2a. "She's like Dick Cheney, but evil. And stupid."
3. "I wanna play poker with her. She'll owe me a whole moose."
3a. For straight guys and lesbians so inclined: "I wanna play strip poker with her. I'll see her ANWR by the end of the night."
4. "Wait - Russia's full of white people. Do we go to war with white people anymore?"
5. "I wish Gibson had just made up shit to ask her, like 'Explain the Kerzensteinhoffer Methodology,' just to see which talking point she thought fit it."
6. "Do you think Gibson ever wanted to just look at her and say, 'Really?' and just leave it at that?"
6a. "Do you think Gibson ever wanted to look at his producer and say, 'Are you fucking kidding?'"
6b. "Do you think after Palin stared at him with those confused, spinning eyes, he just wanted to reach over and smack her?"
7. "You know who else says, 'I'm ready'? Spongebob, motherfucker, Sponge-fuckin'-bob Square-fuckin'-pants."
7a. Adult animation version: "She reminded me of Brian's girlfriend on Family Guy, and I was all like Stewie, sitting there with them and saying, 'Oh, this is going to be fun.'"
8. "Hey, you know who else thinks war is a task from God? C'mon, say it..."