Tubby the Preacher Says That, Because He Fucks Women, "I Have Fewer Broken Hearts. I Have Less STDs":
Really, Barack Obama? You really want Tubby the Preacher from the incredibly homoerotic-sounding Saddleback Church to give the invocation at your inauguration? Sure, yeah, he caught hell from evangelicals for allowing you in his church, but that doesn't mean you have to return the favor.

For your Friday reading fun, here's Tubby the Preacher on Larry King Live (But Just Barely) on December 2, 2005, in all his eclair cream-sucking glory, explaining why homosexuals are not right. Warning: it's a long conversation that involves genitalia, bananas, King's daughter, and peanut butter (really):

TUBBY: Now people ask me all the time what do you think about homosexuality, OK? Well, I don't approach it -- I approach it like this. When you look at a female body and you look at a male body it seems that naturally certain parts go together.

KING: It seems that way, therefore how do you explain why someone is homosexual?

TUBBY: I don't explain it. I don't explain it.

KING: Well, then that doesn't suffice.

TUBBY: Well, and...

KING: Do you know why women, why you like women, just because the body is shaped differently?

TUBBY: Oh, no, I'm sure I know why I like women.

KING: You do?

TUBBY: I think -- I think I was wired by God to like women. I think they...

KING: So, what did he do to the gay person, God?

TUBBY: I don't know that God did that. I really don't.

KING: You mean he did it to you but he didn't do it to them?

TUBBY: You know, Larry, we all have instincts and we all have urges and we all have desires. That doesn't necessarily mean that I fulfill all of them. In other words, as a heterosexual man I might desire to have sex with 100 women. That doesn't mean I do it because that wouldn't be the right thing.

KING: All right, but if you desire another man and you're a man and you're an adult, who are you harming if the two of you agree and it's your life?

TUBBY: Yes.

KING: It's not Rick Warren's life or Larry King's life. It's their life.

TUBBY: Well, again, I would just say I think to me the issue is, is it natural? Is it the natural thing? I mean here's an interesting thing I have to ask. How can you believe in Darwin's theory of evolution and homosexuality at the same time? Now think about this.

If Darwin was right, which is survival of the fittest then homosexuality would be a recessive gene because it doesn't reproduce and you would think that over thousands of years that homosexuality would work itself out of the gene pool.

KING: So, we take the reverse. The creator then approves of it.

TUBBY: Well, I believe...

KING: Darwin's wrong. The creator is right. Gays are right.

TUBBY: Yes well, of course, I believe that God created one man for one woman for life. A lot of the problems -- as a pastor I've notice that when God gives certain rules they're really for our benefit. They're not because God's capricious or just "I think that I'm going to make your life miserable."

I think they're always for our benefit and when I do certain things God's way I have fewer broken hearts. I have less STDs. I have -- and I'm not just talking about sex. I'm talking about if I followed God's will about the right things about eating, I wouldn't be fat and overweight. I wouldn't, you know, and I -- people say well there are lots of sins. Of course there are. And to me the greatest sin is pride. The Bible tells us that pride is what Satan got kicked out of heaven and so we're all in the same boat.

KING: All right. You used the word natural.

TUBBY: Yes.

KING: Define it. For example, is it natural to like bananas? I like them. You may not.

TUBBY: Yes.

KING: Peanut butter, I love peanut butter. I know, I had a daughter, my daughter Chaia never liked peanut butter. Is that natural?

TUBBY: No, I think the difference is do you like food or not, not what flavor of food because you can't live without food. Now you can live without sex. It's possible. Lots of people do. So, I wouldn't even put it in the same category. A lot of people live without sex. It's not an essential for life.

And...scene.

There you go. Tubby used secular ideas of Darwinism to defend homophobia and then said that sex is not "essential for life," which would be pretty much the opposite of what he just explained. Wonder what his parishioners would think of the use of the eeevil evolutionist. And, by the way, the Rude Pundit knows that, yes, penises fit in vaginas, but they also fit quite nicely in mouths and assholes. Oh, that God. You just don't know what he's up to. Unless, you know, you're Tubby the Preacher.

(By the way, the Rude Pundit's read Tubby's latest book, The Purpose of Christmas Pie. It's essentially a pamphlet stretched to book length where Tubby says we should have a birthday party for Jesus on Christmas. Poor Tubby. Anything to have an excuse for more pie.)