In Brief: Why Frank Gaffney Needs to Be Kicked in the Taint:
There's rarely been a man who needs to be kicked repeatedly in the taint as much Frank Gaffney. A Reagan administration lackey and conservative jockstrap-sniffer whose only purpose is to make the world a more awful place through his writings, his "think tank" (the sole thought of which seems to be "blow shit up"), and his TV appearances. The amount of pleasure that would be derived from seeing Gaffney rolling on the ground, hands between his legs, half growling and half crying, "Oh, my taint," is immeasurable.

While being berated by Chris Matthews on his MSNBC show, My Balls Are Hard, last night for supporting war in Iraq despite the lack of WMDs and a lack of connection to anything that might threaten the United States, Gaffney stuck to his guns. Matthews, his girly voice rising to a mighty squeak, accused Gaffney of not caring that 4000 soldiers have died because of wrong information. Gaffney replied, "My position is that it’s regrettable that any Americans died. It is regrettable that they had to die, but I believe they did have to die."

Is your foot feeling itchy for contact with his taint? So, yeah, we could get all high and mighty and say that the very notion Gaffney presents is flawed on its face. Or we could say that if they had been better equipped, many, many of those same soldiers would not have died, even in an illegitimate war. But, instead, let's take the low road and imagine Matthews just getting up from his chair and saying, "Fucker," before slamming the toe of his right Berluti into Gaffney's taint.

(Disclaimer: The idea of kicking Frank Gaffney in the taint is a metaphorical and rhetorical device and not a call to violence. All kicks to the taint that Frank Gaffney may suffer after this is posted are not the fault of this blog, but of Frank Gaffney.)