Ten Pranks You Can Play on a Child Predator:
In honor of Matt Drudge's claim that the initial IM exchanges between an ex-page and Mark Foley "were part of an online prank that by mistake got into the hands of enemy political operatives," an allegation that, while slapped down by the ex-page's attorney, was handled with masturbatory glee by the anxious right wing punditry:
1. You can put a whoopee cushion on the child predator's seat in the House of Representatives. When he sits on it and creates a fart sound, he will still be a child predator.
2. You can pretend to be a lobbyist and shake the child predator's hand with a joy buzzer. When he jumps back from the jolt, he will still be a child predator.
3. You can offer to donate to his campaign and point to a quarter you've glued to the floor. When he struggles to pick up the quarter, he will still be a child predator.
4. You can balance a bucket of water over the door to his office where his computer is. When he opens the door and gets drenched, he will still be a child predator.
5. You can meet him at a fundraiser and offer him a drink containing a fake ice cube with a plastic fly inside it. When he reacts disgustedly, he will still be a child predator.
6. You can ask him to open a can of peanuts in the Rotunda. When cloth snakes come springing out and make him scream, he will still be a child predator.
7. You can unscrew the top of the salt in the Members' Dining Room. When he pours salt all over his fish sticks, he will still be a child predator.
8. You can ring his doorbell at his DC home and run away. When he answers and looks around perplexed, he will still be a child predator.
9. You can tell him that the United States needs to go to war with Iraq because of weapons of mass destruction. When he votes in favor of your war, he will still be a child predator.
10. You can IM him your dick size. When he IMs back how much he wants to fuck you, even as you laugh with your friends at your clever prank, he will still, at the end of the day, be a child predator.
