Liberty Sunday, Icky Gays, and Prayer, Prayer, Prayer:
Sweet motherfuckin' Jesus, we members of the Family Research Council's Super-Duper Prayer Team have been ordered to do us some big-time prayerification. The Rude Pundit joined the FRCSDPT under a nom de rude, and every week he receives his kneeling orders through the secular magic of e-mail. And what's stuck in FRC President Tony "I'm Psycho About Queers" Perkins craw this week is a constant: faggotry. Faggoty faggots faggoting up the place. In his letter to the Super-Duper Prayer Team, Perkins says, "Reporters have learned that 'a network of gay staffers and gay members protect each other...' One 'gay' insider said '[M]aybe now the social conservatives will realize one reason why their agenda is stalled on Capitol Hill.'" Perkins has questions about the rampant ass-fucking on the Hill: "How large and influential is this network? What role has it played in stalling pro-family agenda?"

Echoing the President's rhetoric on Iraqistanalqaeda, since we live in a time of such a lack of subtlety, Perkins couches this all in terms of another of the endless battles for civilization we're engaged in: "One thing is for sure - the ideological clash between hedonistic secularists and Americans who draw their political values from moral law - will continue until one side or the other prevails. Battles over these issues are being waged in every political jurisdiction in America. Their collective outcome will determine whether our children will inherit religious freedom. Without it, they will have no real freedom at all." There's your choice, Benjamin Franklin, you fat fuck: secular law or moral law. Choose, you wig-wearin' pussies. We know where Perkins comes down. So the FRCSDPT must, you know, "Pray that the whole truth will be discovered and that righteousness will prevail," with a reference to Ephesians 5:11-13, a kind of fascinating couple of verses about the evils of secrecy, which, and why not, seem more applicable to the Bush administration than to the alleged cabals of cockgobblers surrounding it.

But don't you get it, people? In case you don't, yesterday was another gathering, Liberty Sunday, where pissy, priggish evangelicals can get their prayer on and intermingle in the barely sustainable queer tension of talking about gay sex with like-minded evangelicals. 'Cause, apparently, if gays get married, now it's actually gonna cause churches to burst into flames and ministers to tear off their own genitals in front of their congregations, who will roll around in the dirt as hidden demons fuck them from behind. There was "Bishop" Wellington Boone, who has previously unironically called gays "faggots," saying, "If you're in the closet, get out of the closet and let God deal with you." There was Massachusetts Governor and possible presidential candidate Mitt Romney gettin' right with the base and bashing gay marriage.

The tautology of such virulent opposition to gay marriage (or civil unions or anything that horribly binds two people of the same sex together) is such a mindfuck. Seriously, can anyone explain how gay unions threatens the freedom of religion? Will God just say, "Oh, fuck you people" and only give his graces to distant Martians? Is there any issue on the right (Iraq, estate taxes) that can be rationally explained? One presumes that the word "homosexual" is supposed to still matter. It ain't much. But, in this savage election season, dragging the queers behind the church bus is about all they've got.