John McCain Loves Blowing David Petraeus:
At night, during the sweetest of sleeps, John McCain dreams that he gives General David Petraeus the great gift of fellatio. Indeed, so often does McCain dream of sucking the cock of the surging soldier that he awakens touching the corner of his mouth, thinking there might be sticky residue remaining there. In his dreams, McCain is his younger self, the hotshot pilot wannabe, not giving a shit about hotdogging because jets have ejection seats and parachutes. He doesn't care about all the pussy being thrown his way, even though he's married. No, all he cares about is how often he can find Petraeus and nourish himself at the General's man-teat.

Sometimes, in his haze, they are in a classroom closet at Annapolis. Sometimes they are in a tiny berth on the USS Forrestal. Most of the time, though, they are alone in a bamboo cage in the shit. It is late at night, and it is the start of the wet season, but even in the rain, Petraeus tenderly nurses McCain's wounds, tells him it's okay that he signed that letter disparaging America, and, to let him know that everything will work out, he places his hard dick into McCain's aching mouth, fucking the POW's face, the effulgent head tickling the back of McCain's throat, McCain in tears, so grateful for the warm load he knows he'll be able to take in whole from his man, his general.

Those tears streak his wincing face when he wakes up. He knows he may not ever tell Petraeus about his desires. At least not in those words. Instead, he has devoted himself to making sure David, dear David, will get a sense of the depth of his choad guzzling desires by praising him at every possible opportunity. He has called this man leading a nearly broken military in a grubby little regional conflict "one of the great military leaders in American history." All of McCain's hopes and aspirations are bound up with him. For McCain equals Petraeus equals Iraq, and, in McCain's perverted syllogism, as goes one, there goes the other.

Such abiding love needs to be challenged directly in order to expose its cracks. The Obama campaign needs to go after McCain's utopian beliefs in the rightness and goodness of David Petraeus and the Iraq mission. And he needs to do it quickly, after the conventions at the latest, because right now McCain is trying to make Obama's opposition to the war into an act of treachery.

First, of all, will someone in the mainstream media please explain that when one is absolutely unvarying in one's position on something that to call it "varying" is to be a fucking liar and/or retarded. The Rude Pundit's pointed this out before, but it's become a standard line in McCain's speeches and deserves to be smacked down like a leg-humping terrier. Here it is again, from his Mussolini-worthy speech before the Veterans of Foreign Wars: "[A] lot of people are still trying to square Senator Obama's varying positions on the surge in Iraq. First, he opposed the surge and confidently predicted that it would fail. Then he tried to prevent funding for the troops who carried out the surge...Senator Obama commits the greater error of insisting that even in hindsight, he would oppose the surge." There is no varying. There is, in fact, a lack of varying that is rather impressive. If Obama were now saying he wished he had supported the escalation, then he'd be varying.

So, Obama needs some lines to come back at McCain, something like, say, "Senator McCain wants to win an election to keep fighting the war. I want to win an election to end the war." The ballsier line would be "Senator McCain wants to keep fighting a war that's over."

Or perhaps Obama needs an ad or two to point out the numerous times that McCain has called Iraq a "sovereign nation," yet refuses to agree with the Iraqi government on the need for a timeline on withdrawal. Howzabout this: point out that the vast majority of the American people want the troops home, the vast majority of the Iraqi people want the troops out, and the Iraqi government wants that timeline. Point out that John McCain doesn't care what anyone else thinks. Do we wants another stubborn bastard as president? (Leave out the bastard part; although...)

Or how about this: press McCain again and again to say how much longer he's willing to stay. He says that he thinks it might could possibly be done in 2013. What if all the goals McCain lays out on his website are not achieved by 2013? How much longer? And if he says he won't say, then that's as good as forever. And hammer that fucker home.

In other words, right now McCain is trying transform Obama into a pussy politician whose judgment is clouded by ambition. Obama's that greedy, uppity high-yellow poser. And even though he's using an issue where more Americans agree with Obama to go after the Democrat, Obama needs to turn that shit around. It's not enough to say McCain is wrong. He's gotta make the country fear McCain. He's gotta turn McCain into that crazy, out of touch old fuck who's gonna blow shit up, hiding behind the skirt of the allegedly unimpeachable, glowing David Petraeus.

Bush and McCain keep saying that they follow what the "generals on the ground" tell them. That's a punk-ass position. Point out that a fuckin' commander-in-chief ain't just a tool who does what the generals say. A commander-in-chief tells the generals what to do.

McCain's gonna keep putting up that Petraeus wall. For, indeed, it is McCain's dearest wish, if he should become president, to be standing one of the decadent rooms of a palace of Saddam Hussein's, alone with Petraeus, and to place a gold-threaded pillow under his hobbled knees, and to look Petraeus in the eyes as he unzips the man's fly and offers his bobbing thanks.