Bush To America: Our Justice System Sucks Balls:
"Don't you get it, you stupid fucks?" the President of the United States may as well have said yesterday. "All those years of American jurisprudence and treaties and shit are meaningless now. In fact, really, it's all been a huge fuckin' waste of time because now, now it's different." Yet when the President described the threat that faces the nation, the "new war," he said: "They operate in the shadows of society; they send small teams of operatives to infiltrate free nations; they live quietly among their victims; they conspire in secret, and then they strike without warning." That's not a war. That's a well-organized criminal operation. Sure, you can call it a "war" if you want, but you're wrong. See, a jihadi mafia doesn't really have the same panache as "big bad motherfuckers who'll destroy Western civilization." And it's a lot harder to get the nation to agree to hedge on or abandon some its basic principles if it ain't a war.

Which is exactly what Bush proudly announced yesterday. The President, our President (whether you like it or not) was damned near giddy telling us that the CIA has secret prisons in foreign countries, which were needed, you know, because they couldn't be given the humane treatment Bush assures us they received in a known American facility. And you could practically hear Bush fondle himself when, talking about the interrogation of Abu Zubaydah, he said, "We knew that Zubaydah had more information that could save innocent lives, but he stopped talking. As his questioning proceeded, it became clear that he had received training on how to resist interrogation. And so the CIA used an alternative set of procedures." Oh, fuck, yeah, that hits the spot like a well-lubed dildo. Bush couldn't tell us exactly what was done to Zubaydah, except that "the procedures were tough, and they were safe, and lawful, and necessary." (And it ought to be noted that "lawful" means what Alberto Gonzales says is lawful.)

See, the problem, Bush said, ain't just the terrorists. It's the legal system of America. All this bullshit about "rights" and "fairness" and "habeas corpus" is pussy nonsense when it comes to this "new war." Said Bush, "[T]he Supreme Court's recent decision has impaired our ability to prosecute terrorists through military commissions, and has put in question the future of the CIA program." That's right - our courts suck balls. Sure, sure, they may have been able to prosecute spies and serial killers and, well, shit, terrorists in the past, but not in the "new war."

Bush re-informed us that the Court thinks the U.S. ought to abide by Common Article Three of the Geneva Conventions. Let's let the President explain: "This article includes provisions that prohibit 'outrages upon personal dignity' and 'humiliating and degrading treatment.' The problem is that these and other provisions of Common Article Three are vague and undefined." So, like, for half a century or more, the United States had at least some idea of what was humiliating, degrading, and outrageous treatment. But the Bush administration is suddenly ignorant (yeah, yeah, but let it go). Hey, Bible-boy, howzabout the Golden Rule test? What would you not want done unto you? Then don't fuckin' do it unto others.

But then Bush got to the crux of the matter, the real gut-wrenching fear: "And some believe our military and intelligence personnel involved in capturing and questioning terrorists could now be at risk of prosecution under the War Crimes Act -- simply for doing their jobs in a thorough and professional way. This is unacceptable." Ahh, so now it ain't just the U.S. court system, which is incapable of judging the crimes of terrorists because of the inconvenience of "evidence." It ain't just the pussy Geneva Conventions. It's the notion that maybe, just maybe, some, probably French fuckers, might believe everyone who authorized the "alternative set of procedures" might be criminals. Yeah, laws suck, man. Especially when you wanna break them.

And between the praise of torture (no matter what Bush calls it), the dismissing of the American justice system, and the vow to continue all of it, the Rude Pundit is left with this question: exactly what country are we fighting for? Because it's become appallingly clear that it sure as hell ain't the United States in any recognizable form anymore.