Presidentin' Is Hard:
America has a retard for a president. A drooling mongoloid who should, at best, be locked into a Wal-Mart to clean the floors. Any objective look at Bush's Meet the Press interview demostrates that. It's not a question of what he knows, what he said, what he's lying about, what he's doing that he was told to do. It is simply a matter of objective reasoning: President George W. Bush is a 'tard. If you voted for him, you voted for a retarded man. And yesterday was talkin' time at the Karl Rove Special School for Presidentin'.

'Cause talkin' time at the special school is always fun: you get to hear how far the retards have come in their ability to use language. And it's so cute when they flounder around for something to say and then remember a phrase you taught them, like "shadowy terrorist network." Here it is in context: "[Hussein] had the capacity to have a weapon, make a weapon. We thought he had weapons. The international community thought he had weapons. But he had the capacity to make a weapon and then let that weapon fall into the hands of a shadowy terrorist network." See? It's easy. The teachers at Rove always tell the pupils to just keep talking until they remember something scarrrrry to say.

Ya gotta be careful, though, 'cause the retards sometimes say things with double meaning, and we don't want everyone to giggle. Like if you're talking about "balls," it might make everyone start to titter with excitement. So be careful with statements like "You can't rely upon a madman . . . You can't rely upon him making rational decisions when it comes to war and peace." 'Cause, you know, if you're retarded and you say something like that, people might think, "Do I want a retard making war and peace decisions?"

Retards also have no sense of responsibility. If you're on the playground with a group of 'tards and one starts to hit the other, if you tell them to stop, they give you a blank stare, with those cute crossed-eyes, and sputter, "But Tommy hit me first," and when Tommy says no, that Georgie hit first and shows you the bruise, all you need to tell yourself is that Georgie is a retard and retards never admit they did anything wrong. They think the nurses in the home might take away their cupcakes. And institutionalized 'tards need their cupcakes. And when the 'tard-in-chief was asked about the General Accounting Office's assessment of coming deficits, the 'tard answered, "Now, I don't know what the assumptions are in the GAO report, but I do know that if Congress is wise with the people's money, we can cut the deficit in half." Isn't that cute? Admit ignorance, pass the blame, make up a lie. Ohhh, we've gotta watch out for these retards and their wily ways, thinking they can get their way because they're retarded.

But it's okay, because retards are loving people. They like to give hugs. Now, they may hug and then turn around and piss on your carpet, wipe their asses with your towels, fuck your dog, and put your baby in the microwave, but, you know, they're retards. And 'tard hugs are just sweet. Listen to the verbal hugs from Bush: "See, I'm more worried about the fellow looking for the job. That's what I'm worried about. I want people working. I want people to find work." It's so sweet. It's like when the Down's syndrome girl up the street says, "I want to give everyone a candy bar." You know she means it, but you know it's never going to happen because, generally, retards don't earn enough to give everyone a candy bar. Not even a single candy Kiss, really.

Oh, the Rove Special School, where cute little retarded presidents can learn how to sit in a chair and not drool for an hour. What a wonderful place. What an adorable exercise. And remember- even though he might be able to function more, a retard will never get any smarter: "I'll tell you, though, I'm not going to change, see? I'm not trying to accommodate I won't change my philosophy or my point of view."