The Passions of the Bush:
Here's what the Rude Pundit would like to think went on at the White House last night: after Laura had gone to bed, still weeping gently at the thought of the lost dog Spot, but still smelling the urine on the presidential seal rug in the hallway, President Bush walked into the room with the big plasma screen television and he had the Secret Service agent pop in the DVD he had been sent of Mel Gibson's The Passion of the Christ. Bush was pleased with himself, for having made a half-hearted attempt to save the Presidency of Jean-Bertrand Aristide, who had always been uppity to Bush I, and "failed," and, of course, for his speech supporting an amendment to the U.S. Constitution that would ban gay marriages and, probably, depending on who you asked, civil unions. We will return to this scene of gentle bliss and mellow calm in watching Jesus get the shit whipped out of him.

Let's not parse the words of the "speech" Bush made, except to say that, of course, "activist judges" are in the eye of the beholder. One might think that a judge who supports overturning Roe v. Wade, like, say, William Pryor (given a recess appointment) might be thought of as an "activist judge." One might think that the Supreme Court, when it overturned Jim Crow laws in the South, was filled with "activist judges." It's a term with so little value to the discussion but so well-crafted that you know Karl Rove gets a Pavlovian woody whenever Bush says it. Let's not venture too far into the hypocrisy of the sentence "Marriage cannot be severed from its cultural, religious and natural roots without weakening the good influence of society," because, again, as a series of random, push-button words, it is a meaningless sentence, without real context, without a real sense of how history changes institutions and word definitions and rights and how things that were once considered "natural," like, say, the inferiority of blacks, are now not seen that way.

And let's not get too far into the whole wording of the proposed amendment that seems to have the most support, from Colorado Republican Marilyn Musgrave, which reads: "Marriage in the United States shall consist only of the union of a man and a woman. Neither this constitution or the constitution of any state, nor state or federal law, shall be construed to require that marital status or the legal incidents thereof be conferred upon unmarried couples or groups." Not only does the wording seem to guarantee years of court battles over whether it allows civil unions, but if one breaks it up, much like the NRA wackos do the 2nd Amendment, it actually appears to say that one state does not have to recognize any marriage from another state. So, like, if Utah gets pissed at California, Utah can say, "Fuck you. We won't give any 'legal incidents' of marriage to your couples." In other words, it's a weasel, cover-your-ass amendment, one that is guaranteed to fail, one that is just meant to give a good hand job to those who are lined up to bring their children to the movies to watch Jesus get flayed with a barbed whip in all its bloody glory.

Goddamn, it's gonna be great to hear those nails get hammered in Dolby Digital surround sound.

No, instead, let's just talk about the pure, opportunistic, vivid hatred and political desperation that this proposed amendment represents. Let's say that those who would seek to use the Constitution as a way of limiting freedom seek to live in a country that is not America. Let's say that any vile, squirming, worm-like politician who hides under the cover of gaybashing is actually a politician who has little to say on the things that matter to people and instead prefers to traffic in anger, division, and bile. What fuckers. What hubris. What nonsense.

And you know what's funny? Seeing all the Republican queers a-twitter in outrage, as if they didn't know the bathhouse they were getting sodomized in and who was doing the anal thrusting. The Log Cabin Republicans are pissed. Says their executive director, who is, well, gay, "We are disappointed that some Republicans leaders have abandoned the conservative principles on which this party was built. Liberty, equality and Federalism form the bedrock of Republican values. The President and some other leaders in our party have turned away from these principles to satisfy the radical right in an election year. Simply put, this is politics over principle . . . Leaders of the Republican Party often speak of tolerance for gay and lesbian Americans. We agree with this sentiment, but GOP leaders must remember that actions are more important than words." Cutely, they still state a commitment to the party to fight against the amendment but support the GOP as a whole: "Log Cabin will stay in the GOP and fight—fight for fairness, liberty and equality," not realizing that the 21st century GOP doesn't stand for any of those things. Oh, and that bonesmoker Andrew Sullivan is apoplectic, blowing out a gasket on his betrayal by his conservative comrades. Welcome to the party, bitches. You gotta dance with the devil you courted.

Oh, there will be more, there will be more to say about this subject, like what a punk ass bitch John Kerry was in his response, supporting an amendment as long as it allowed civil unions, but instead, let's head back to the White House last night.

There's Bush, sitting, alone now, the Secret Service stationed outside the door, Karl Rove meeting his leather slave in the basement, and the Gibson Jesus show is on. And there's the Roman centurions, ripping the skin off Christ with their lashes, and Bush feels a stirring in his loins, something not unakin to arousal, and he gets hard thinking about the suffering of his Lord, and he begins to fondle himself at the sight of the bleeding Savior. Goddamn, it's so fucking hot that he died for my sins, he thinks, masturbating furiously now as the crown of thorns is forced onto Christ's head. And when the nails are hammered, when the music surges, as Bush is spanking his cock harder and harder, squealing like a sacrificed goat, Christ's hands are impaled. Bush comes, staring at those hands, smirking, thinking, Now that's what I call holy. Now that's what I call holy.