Oh, To Be In Boston Once Spring Is Here:
Goddamn, there's gonna be one giant fagapalooza in streets of Beantown come May. There's gonna be pairs of brides, pairs of grooms, more glitter, flowers, and butch haircuts than Boston has seen since the last time Queen toured and Freddy Mercury brought along his trunk of pink wifebeater shirts and butt plugs. Yippee-ki-yay, motherfuckers, the window has been cracked by the Massachusetts Supreme Court, which said yesterday that civil unions are lightweight and that only marriage would do for homosexuals. Fuck, imagine that: a high court saying, "You know that guarantee of equal rights for all? We kinda meant that. No matter what adult you are consensually fucking, you get your rights to get married, get bored with each other, fuck around on the side, and break up viciously, tearing up the friendships, property and children along the way. Welcome to the party, homosexuals!" So, starting May 16, get out your hankies. The aisles are a-gonna be filled with same-sex couples. At least until those who fear the fucking stand in the aisle and block the path to the altar.

Oh, and the fucking scaredy-cats are a-comin' out of the woodwork, putting the smackdown of hate and shame and barely repressed homoerotic desire masking as religious righteousness. Massachusetts is pondering an amendment to its constitution that would say, in effect, "We are so afraid that gay weddings will be so tasteful and/or fun that our Catholic stiff minds would be too envious to function, so we're gonna ban the act right now. Oh, and the ass sex makes us queasy." Said one deeply disturbed Mass. legislator of the proposed amendment, "I can't believe any lawmaker would want to run from this," meaning, "You don't vote for it and we'll make sure all the Irish homies in your district know you love the fags. And you probably suck some cock yourself." Of course, said amendment wouldn't take effect until 2006 at the earliest, unless a proposed delay is imposed, which seems like a long time, but homophobia and gay-bashing is the lust that knows no bounds of time.

In the meanwhile, halfway across the country, the upstanding legislature of Ohio, not knowing what the fuck to do about all the job losses there, decided to make itself more desirable to employers by banning same-sex unions. The White House called the ruling "deeply troubling," which is more than it said about the Plame name game, the lack of WMD, and Bush's inconvenient smirks at the State of the Union.

Oh, but in the Oval Office, even as Karl Rove twisted the vice on Colin Powell's nutsack for saying he doesn't know if he would have supported war if he knew then what he knows now, the re-election campaign staff rubbed their hands together in barely contained glee, slapping each other on the asses over the decision - not in a faggy way, mind you - over the possibility of being able to say that Kerry loves him some gays. Man, how that would gloss over so many things: failing economy, international embarassment, cruel cutbacks in social programs. How they think we could stomach all of that as long as the President doesn't love him some gays.