Weekly Reason Bill O'Reilly Should Be Sodomized With a Microphone - Number 5:
Here's O'Reilly on his Fox "news" show this week, talking about the Paris Hilton sex video: The Factor has obtained that video, but we're not going to show it to you because of taste issues. These stills will give you an idea of what is on the tape. So let's put aside for a moment the image of Bill O'Reilly breaking out the hand lotion in his office, calling out to his producer to hit the remote because he's too busy massaging his balls with one lubed-up hand and fellating a Ronald Reagan doll, playing the tape and watching that 19 year-old piece of rich trash ass getting fucked three ways to Sunday by a 30 year-old. Put aside that image. Don't embellish it with the obvious layer of class resentment that runs through O'Reilly's work - don't think of him smacking his cock on his desk, yelling, "Yeah, take that, you dye-blonde cunt. Daddy can't buy you out of this one, can he?" Don't think about that.

O'Reilly used the tape as an example of internet privacy violations and the way in which things can be quickly spread on the web. But, and here's the deal, in condemning the video and violation of privacy, he showed the fucking stills and he made sure all of his viewers knew they could download the goddamn thing. So, to really state the obvious, he whored himself to the latest gossip scandal for ratings and participated in its continuation as a story.

The final straw: as all things O'Reilly go, he brought it back to himself. Late in the interview with a security expert, O'Reilly talks about "parody" sites that say things like "Kill O'Reilly" (or, perhaps, sodomize him). Ah, how small the world is when you are its axis and all revolves around you.

Of course, O'Reilly's always willing to beat a dead horse until it splits in two and the gooey insides come out. Tonight, Friday, on his show, Paris Hilton gets brought up again, in the context of Bill Clinton and Hugh Grant, "famous for their X-rated exploits." Man, it's good to be the standard bearer of good taste in this country. No sin at all on you. No sin at all.