Because Nothing Matters as Much as Michael Jackson's Penis:
Let's be clear: in the larger scheme of things, whether Michael Jackson fucked a child, a monkey, or Latoya does not matter. It doesn't matter to you unless you are that child, monkey, or Jackson or someone emotionally or economically linked to the "molested" or to said self-destructed "entertainer." Even if Michael Jackson loves to have his dick massaged by a twelve year-old who calls him the "King of Cock," it doesn't matter. It is a distraction. And the media will make sure it distracts you. As Anderson Cooper pointed out, in a rare moment of ironic self-awareness, on his CNN show 360 Degrees last night (scroll down to the end):

"Today's announcement of charges against one of the most successful, famous and infamous entertainers in the world could affect TV news even more than the O.J. Simpson trial did. The coverage and journalistic resources involved will be simply staggering. Already producers across the nation are clearing their slates. Network bookers are desperately seeking anyone who ever knew Michael Jackson, begging Uri Geller and Bubbles the Chimp to please call them back.

"So before it's too late, we wanted to take just a quick moment to say goodbye to some of the stories that, as far as the media are concerned, have breathed their last. So, so long coverage of lingering questions about regulatory oversight of the nation's securities industries. We'll miss you. Goodbye, in-depth scrutiny of the future of Medicare. Farewell debate over the new military and its role in a changing world. We hardly knew you."

Then, and the Rude Pundit is not shitting you, Cooper took a bagged 40 and poured it out on the set, like a curb, and said, " This is for you, and all the other homies we lost today. We'll be with you again some day, on the other side."

Now, this is begging the question as to whether or not any of those things would have been covered in any depth, along with the issues on a scrolling list behind Cooper (including "Campaign 2004"), but the point was made: clear your guest rosters - it's time for all-Michael, all the time - until the next Kobe hearing, and, well, the Peterson trial.

(Of course, history has a way of insisting on being heard, even among the din of Michael, Kobe, Scott, Paris, et al, when more bombs went off in Turkey. Goddamnit, some producer must have said, don't terrorists understand the arc of the news cycle?)

Tomorrow: Bush puts on a suit and monkey dances for the Queen of England. Stay tuned.