10/29/2003

No, Really, Somebody Tell the President About the Goddamn Rabbits:
What a strange worm this man, this President, this Bush, is. What a craven, buck passing, spineless little bit of spittle on the sidewalk. How can Americans anywhere walk around with any sense of self-respect knowing that our friggin' Commander in Chief can't even admit that he fucked up when his masters hung a banner reading "Mission Accomplished" as his backdrop when he declared an end to major combat in Iraq during his little G.I. George moment on the aircraft carrier Abraham Lincoln? (And let's not even get into the symbolism of the name of the ship.) Here's your leader, fearless in the face of reporters at a press conference called so hastily that Wolf Blitzer barely had time to comb his face. When asked about that banner, Bush responded, in that voice that sounds like you just told him the keg is empty and he has to take sloppy seconds on the passed out coed, "The 'Mission Accomplished' sign, of course, was put up by the members of the USS Abraham Lincoln, saying that their mission was accomplished. I know it was attributed somehow to some ingenious advance man from my staff - they weren't that ingenious." And then he laughed insanely and drank fresh blood out of the head of an American soldier.

'Cause, you know, when you've been out fighting a war, the first thing you're thinking when you're about to get to port and the White House calls and says to keep your grunt ass in the ocean until the flyboy king can play pilot and get his picher taken with the boys in uniform, the first thing on your mind at that moment isn't "Jesus Fucking Christ, there better be some hot, civilian ass in a mini-skirt and no panties waiting for me with a six pack, an eight ball, and a key to a motel room so I can bust a nut between her heaving titties and . . . wait . . . what do you mean I gotta stay here and jack off in my bunk until that pussy Prez leaves?" Nope, according to Bush, the first thing really on your mind is, "Oh, my, the President is coming. I'd better straighten up the place. I'd better call the Kinko's fly-to-the-fucking-middle-of-the-ocean delivery service to make a nice banner. Hmmm, what should it say? Even though thousands of my buddies are still getting murdered like pigs in a slaughterhouse, I think I'd like to say that the mission is, hmmmm, accomplished?"

Of course, this Oval Office dickhead can't even get his stories straight. From May, here's the New York Times with the story fed to us at that point. Goddamnit, sometimes he's so fucking stupid, cruel, and unenlightened that the evil, vile Karl Rove must be tempted to show him the rabbits and get Timothy Bottoms in there to take over.