1/11/2019

What Did That Dumb Orange Motherfucker Say Now (Border Trip Edition)

Yesterday, we were treated to a three-movement symphony of Donald Trump's dumbfuckery as he continues to prove that one of the only motivating factors for his presidency is racism. (The other, obviously, is self-enrichment.) He's decided to die on his wall, and he doesn't give a fuck how many people he takes down with him. Burn down the whole fuckin' country, he says, because without a border wall/fence/barrier/sharknado, the country will burn anyways because of all them Mexicans.

Let's boil this down to just three unequivocally idiotic, cruel, mendacious, and baffling things he said, one from each appearance.

Before leaving for a merry jaunt down to Texas to visit the actual border with Mexico, Trump paused on the White House lawn to yell at reporters for a few minutes. In addition to declaring that the media is in cahoots with Democrats, Trump bellowed, " I really believe that they don’t care about crime.  I really believe this.  The Democrats don’t care about crime. They’ve been taken over by a group of young people who, frankly, in some cases — I’ve been watching — I actually think they’re crazy.  But they’ve been taken over by a group that is so far left.  I really don’t think they care about crime.  And, you know, sadly, they’re viewing this as the beginning of the 2020 presidential race, and that’s okay with me.  But they have been taken over by a group of people that don’t care about gangs.  They don’t care about human trafficking and drugs.  They don’t care about anything.  I’ll tell you what — they have gone crazy."

Let's not deal with the patently false allegation that Democrats "don't care about crime" since fuck him. Let's not deal with his shaking his small, elderly fist at those "young people" because he's really just jealous that they're gonna outlive his old ass and steal some media attention from him. Instead, look at that line "they're viewing this as the beginning of the 2020 presidential race." Trump started running for reelection five hours after he was sworn in on that terrible day in January 2017. His campaign ran an ad just before his boring Oval Office fart on Tuesday that declared the end of days if we don't build a border wall. This motherfucker accusing someone of campaigning is like a frog accusing another frog of eating flies. (Note: Trump looks like a fuckin' frog.)

When his lard ass got down to Texas, he held one of his ludicrous roundtable discussions where he pretended to listen to people and then pretended to be profound. This one was particularly odious because he paraded the families of people who have been killed by undocumented immigrants before the cameras. It was ghoulish and pathetic, and he exploited them like a porn director forcing an actress to shoot up with heroin before getting fucked by ten guys. And he said this:

"It’s common sense.  They say a wall is medieval.  Well, so is a wheel.  A wheel is older than a wall.  And I looked, and every single car out there — even the really expensive ones that the Secret Service uses — and believe me, they are expensive — I said, 'Do they all have wheels?'  'Yes.'  Oh, I thought it was medieval.  The wheel is older than the wall.  You know that? And there are some things that work.  You know what?  A wheel works and a wall works.  Nothing like a wall."

As many people who know ancient history have pointed out, the wheel was invented long after walls because, well, no shit. And others have said that modern tires with modern materials are a far fuckin' cry from a rounded stone. But put this in context. Trump said this, to the laughter of the gathered people, just before relatives of murder victims poured their hearts out. This goddamn fecal freak of a president is so enamored with the smell of his own shit that he couldn't help himself. He had to say something that sounded fake intelligent, something that the yahoos can repeat and that he can hear back from Hannity and Doocy and every other lickspittle in his pocket.

Finally, in one final border appearance, Trump took more questions from reporters, once again abusing them for his pleasure, like a louche emperor demanding another grape and getting furious when it's not peeled. And it would be easy to point out all the times Trump said that he was waiting to see what Congress does before declaring a national emergency, which proves, quite plainly, that there is no emergency if you can wait. That's not how emergencies work.

Instead, check out this: "If you read one of your competitors today, they will tell you that the Democrats that are starting to say this is not an argument they can win are some of the very young, very smart Democrats that just got elected to Congress."

Wait, are these the same "young people" who Trump called "crazy" just 6 hours prior? The fuck? He can't even keep his insults straight.

We are living in the middle of the delusions of a madman. It's like some philosophy experiment gone horribly wrong. And I don't know how we get out of it when he so clearly doesn't care who he hurts or what he says or even what is real. You can't argue with dumb. You'll just get dumber doing it.