Remember: Ted Cruz May Be Quieter Than Donald Trump, But He's at Least as Crazy (and a Debate Listening Party in Your Ears)

Let's be clear here: In the Republican presidential nomination race, the ascent of Senator Ted Cruz (campaign motto: "Imagine what his voice sounds like when he's getting a blow job") to second behind bellicose butt-blister Donald Trump is not in any way, shape, or form an improvement. In fact, except for Trump's whole "let's stop the Muslims" fascist bullshit, you can easily make the argument that Trump may be a madman, but Cruz is crazier than a shit fight at a monkey house.

For instance, check out their tax plans, which the conservative Tax Foundation allows you to do pretty easily. Both Cruz and Trump have tax "reform" ideas that any rational analysis demonstrates would fuck this country like porn star James Deen on meth.

Where Trump wants a progressive tax with lower rates, up to 25% for the highest earning bracket, Cruz wants a 10% flat tax. Trump would have a 15% business tax rate while Cruz would have a 16% "Business Flat Tax." (And, actually, that's just fuzzy math; it's a 19% value-added tax, which is a sales tax the public would pay.) Cruz lowers the capital gains tax to just 10% where Trump would have tiered rates up to 20%. Sure, they're the same in a lot of ways, like the elimination of the estate tax ("death tax" to idiots), but Cruz is the one who promises his tax plan "abolishes the IRS as we know it."

On other areas, Cruz is just out of step with the entire nation. He vigorously opposes same-sex marriage and would use his presidency to do something - constitutional amendment, dirty looks, angry mobs with pitchforks - to end that civil right. He's beloved by the evangelical right because he licks Jesus's feet clean and doesn't ask for a reacharound from every nutzoid pastor buggering him on the altar. Trump, for his part, doesn't really give a happy monkey fuck about the issue.

The upside to all of these is that Bernie or Hillary could curb-stomp either one of these conservative hatemongers. And while Trump is enjoying his time in the sun as a manque' Mussolini, complete with violent followers whose actions he cheers on, the GOP establishment has gotta be on its weary old man knees, hoping and praying for Cruz to get more traction. He may be a wild-eyed rebel who pisses off the Senate old guard, but he's the wild-eyed rebel who isn't a billionaire without fucks left to give.

Tonight, Join the Rude Pundit and Jeff Kreisler for Swearing In, the Live Mockery of the GOP Debate

Yep, yep, yep, the Rude Pundit is once again tuning into the CNN on the TV and mouthing off on the internets with his co-conspirator Jeff Kreisler. We'll be watching the GOP debate starting at 8:30ish (although it's probably 9 - CNN is kind of being a dick about the time) and snarking the living shit out of it on Rabble.tv.

If you wanna join the many commenters while we're doing candidate voices and letting loose with the sodomy jokes, you can sign up for Rabble for free. Otherwise, just join the hundreds, maybe even a thousand or so, people who listen in so they can tolerate the debate. Think of us as the molly to get through the raving madness.

And we've got graphics, like a real show: