Confederate History Month Is for Losers:
Let's get this straight, oh, dear people of the South: the North kicked your cracker ass. You begged them to stop. You bent over and said, "No, c'mon, if we let you fuck us in the ass, will you end this?" You thought you were so fucking tough, seceding and daring the North to fuck with you. And when you ended up with your cities burned, your slaves freed, and your fake government in ruins, you never got over it, not since Appomattox. So you fetishize this shit. You build monuments to traitors, you parade around with your shirts and your yards and your pick-ups sporting the flag of your defeated pseudo-country, jacking off to the idea that one day...oh, god, shit, smack it, one day, Dixie will rise again.

Except it won't. And as much as you prance around and pretend that the good ol' days are anything but ol' and gone, you'll wallow in the mud pit of ignorance with the rest of the pigs of history.

So Governor Robert McDonnell of Virginia declared April "Confederate History Month," in order to, as he proclaimed in his mighty proclamation, celebrate Virginia's participation in "a four year war between the states for independence." You see, Virginia's gotta "understand the sacrifices of the Confederate leaders, soldiers and citizens during the period of the Civil War." And part of that is to see the end of the war not as a loss due to strategy or incompetence, but because the Rebels were "ultimately overwhelmed by the insurmountable numbers and resources of the Union Army". It's the polite way of saying, "Holy fuck, they fucking reamed us, turned us over, and reamed us again."

Now, as an expatriate from the South, the Rude Pundit has had more than his fair share of discussions with knuckleheads pretending to be smart over the cause of the Civil War, usually ending with his question to said knucklehead, "Would it have happened if the South hadn't had slaves?" Because whatever other "grievances" the South had with the North, go fuck yourself if you think, at the end of the day, there was any other reason for the war.

But, hey, go ahead, Virginia, and celebrate your slave-owning exploiters of the poor, white, racist yeoman farmers who made up the bulk of the Confederate Army. Celebrate how the wealthy plantation owners and politicians manipulated a bunch of undereducated tools into doing their bidding. It's fuckin' par for the course for conservatives, you know.

Remember, though: the Confederacy was a criminal enterprise and its defense was massive thuggery. Polish that horse turd, if you want, but it took two fucking presidential pardons to clean the slate of the huge act of treason that occurred. Congratulations, Virginia, for honoring a violent conspiracy to keep human beings enslaved without even mentioning it in the proclamation.

Historical revisionism is a beautiful thing for, as we learn from the Governor, after they had their asses handed to them by the North, "the surviving, imprisoned and injured Confederate soldiers gave their word and allegiance to the United States of America, and returned to their homes and families to rebuild their communities in peace." Yes, we all remember the century of peace and harmony that existed in the South after the Civil War, until, you know, it was fucked up by the civil rights movement. You can't give an inch, man.