Soothing the Savage Clinton:
Look, you know the way this went down. It's not complicated. We already know that the Obama campaign ran "one of the most rigorous vice-presidential vetting processes that Democrats could recall." So the Obama people went to Hillary Clinton and said, "We need a complete financial disclosure, including Bill's foundation," and Bill said, "You can kiss my hairy ass," and thus the whole thing was over for Hillary. It's that simple.

This ludicrous, unending coda to the primary campaign is nearly exclusively media-driven. Sure, yeah, some of the Clintons' people are acting like an athlete who took steroids trying to prove how often the tests show a false positive. He may have a point, but he still doesn't get to win. And he's not really the best spokesperson for testing reform. In other words, to the extent that any convention wrangling and bitter feelings are actually happening, Clinton and her people need to act like they lost.

But, see, the Rude Pundit doesn't believe that things are really as divided as we're often told. Sure, Hillary Clinton and her advisers are gonna still be smarting. They're fuckin' human beings. Right now, though, we're into convention season. There's little narrative tension at all. Tonight, for instance, other than whether or not Ted Kennedy will show, there's nothing happening we need to give a shit about. So, with about nine thousand hours of coverage to fill, you need a story. Thus fanning the fading embers of Obama rage among Clinton's everyday diehards is all the news networks and political reporters have got. And you can bet that they're huffing and puffing on that little flame like a fat manwhore on buck-a-blow night.

In her public appearances and pronouncements, Hillary Clinton has been downright classy. She's going to do what the Rude Pundit hoped she'd do in her Wednesday speech and formally release her delegates to vote for Obama. At this point, to turn away from the Democratic nominee because of hurt feelings is to be a fool and a victim, not just to the media whores, but also to manipulation by the Republicans.

The McCain campaign has decided to go with the Divide and Conquer strategy. First there was the pissy little ad saying that Obama didn't even consider Clinton for the vice presidency (which Clinton slapped down). Now there's the infinitely more effective ad featuring Clinton turncoat Debra Bartoshevich saying how she now supports John McCain and that "It's okay" for a lot of Democrats to follow her lead. It's a cute, lively piece, one that's a bit of a rulebreaker in political ad-dom.

And, holy fuck, is it creepy and stinking of desperation. In fact, the whole McCain strategy towards ex-Hillary voters seems to be that of the skeevy guy who waits until last call at the bar to pick up the drunkest woman who hasn't hooked up, bring her home and have a fast fuck, so sloppy and instantly regretted by her. The thing is, the dude from the bar thinks he's doing the woman a favor, making her feel special for a few minutes when, in reality, he just wants to bust a nut into something living that's not his own hand. And, of course, not ever call again.

If you talk to that woman the next day, you wanna say to her, "C'mon, don't you have more self-respect than that?"