Christ Weary of Mormons: Mitt Romney Fellates God:
Here's the scariest thing Mitt Romney could have said today in his grand and mighty don't-fear-the-Mormon speech: "Freedom requires religion just as religion requires freedom. Freedom opens the windows of the soul so that man can discover his most profound beliefs and commune with God. Freedom and religion endure together, or perish alone." The funny thing is that he really said that. Remember: Mitt Romney believes that freedom leads one to commune with God. Not your neighbor. Not your community. Not your nation. Nope, it's all about God. The whole pathetic speech was such a pander to the religious right that you wondered if the invisible sky wizard himself didn't open his purple star-encrusted robes and told Romney, "Suck it. And you better be good."

When John F. Kennedy gave his "no, you fuckin' John Birch psychos, the Pope doesn't own me" speech back in 1960, the then-Senator was throwing down a gauntlet: this shit ain't about what god anybody believes - it's about the very real blood and bones of the American people. Kennedy saw their suffering, "the hungry children I saw in West Virginia, the old people who cannot pay their doctor bills, the families forced to give up their farms--an America with too many slums, with too few schools..." And he said what the fuck does it matter who believes what or doesn't believe anything as long as they are willing to put their asses on the line to make the nation better. It's a nation "where every man has the same right to attend or not attend the church of his choice," Kennedy said.

But not Romney.

Oh, no, that smarmy, smooth, slick as shit motherfucker made it all about giving props to the Christian nation. "There is one fundamental question about which I often am asked. What do I believe about Jesus Christ? I believe that Jesus Christ is the Son of God and the Savior of mankind," Romney said, licking God's taint while desperately jacking himself for the hoped-for delight of the Family Research Council and James Dobson. "Americans acknowledge that liberty is a gift of God, not an indulgence of government," he said, making sure not to neglect God's balls until the invisible pitcher of the ether was, in Romney's Joseph Smith-fucked brain, satisfied.

As for those who don't believe? We can pretty much go fuck ourselves: "Any believer in religious freedom, any person who has knelt in prayer to the Almighty, has a friend and ally in me." And if God's dick is in Mitt Romney's face when he kneels, all the better for the sucking because sucking God's dick is what God demands, right, evangelicals?

How fucking degraded a nation do we have to be where an allegedly daring speech by a major candidate is all about how much he loves drinking Jesus jizz? Kennedy didn't even mention God, Jr. in his speech. But we gotta deal with Romney thinking that he's making some kind of stunning admission by saying, "But in recent years, the notion of the separation of church and state has been taken by some well beyond its original meaning. They seek to remove from the public domain any acknowledgment of God. Religion is seen as merely a private affair with no place in public life. It is as if they are intent on establishing a new religion in America – the religion of secularism. They are wrong." And it's exactly the opposite of what Kennedy said, whose speech Romney hoped, in his Huckabee-fucked, floundering, fortune-draining campaign, to evoke.

Romney also cites a bit of writing by John Adams often used by right wingers hoping to shove religion up all our asses. In his letter to a brigade of the Massachusetts militia, yes, Adams did write, "Our Constitution was made only for a moral and religious people. It is wholly inadequate to the government of any other."

But in the rest of that letter, Adams says, "[S]hould the people of America once become capable of that deep simulation towards one another, and towards foreign nations, which assumes the language of justice and moderation while it is practising iniquity and extravagance, and displays in the most captivating manner the charming pictures of candor, frankness, and sincerity, while it is rioting in rapine and insolence, this country will be the most miserable habitation in the world; because we have no government armed with power capable of contending with human passions unbridled by morality and religion. Avarice, ambition, revenge, or gallantry, would break the strongest cords of our Constitution as a whale goes through a net."

Adams warned us not to be fucking hypocrites. He was talking about religion in its truest sense. Not as a way of saying that one is superior because one has religion, but in the sense that religion ought to be humbling, not a reason to preen like a goddamn nit-filled peacock before the salivating hyenas of the media and the Republican base.