Anti-Abortion Ads That Make the Rude Pundit Want to Stab His Computer Screen

Young Marco Rubio, he of the dry mouth and bat-wing ears, may be marginally less skeevy than the cock-nosed, cold-hearted Canadian, Ted Cruz, or slightly more sincere than the febrile snake oil salesman, Donald Trump. But he is, without a doubt, just as much of a shit-bit as either of the two leading Republicans.

As the Rude Pundit has previously noted, Rubio put out one ad with his head talking against a black backdrop about how much he loves hisself some Jeebus with a capital goddamn J. Now, never one to let a good hategasm go un-ejaculated, Rubio has put out an anti-abortion ad in Iowa just in time for the 43rd anniversary of the Roe v. Wade decision.  Obnoxiously titled "Life," the ad shows the Rubio head talking about not abortin' the babies:

One thing sticks out in this plea to the evangelicals of the Iowa GOP to love him. It ain't when Rubio says that he wants to limit abortions, especially "those late-term abortions where children who are viable outside the womb are still being killed," even though that's buying into an extremist conspiracy theory about the incredibly rare late-term abortion. And it ain't when the ad ends with Rubio surrounded by his own litter of children, showing that he's a virile man capable of impregnating his wife multiple times (although it's unclear how helpful it is for Rubio to show that he is causing the number of Hispanics to rise in the country).

No, what really sticks out is this line: "If I have to make a choice, I am going to choose life." See, that's the end of the fucking argument. If you have a choice and you make a choice, you are pro-choice. You can't be anti-choice and say that there is a choice. One you choose, whether you choose "life" or choose to have an abortion, you can't then say, "But I'm against choice." Fuck you. If you get to choose, so does everyone else. Marco Rubio is pro-choice. He says so himself.

But not content to practice his motherfuckery in a 30-second commercial, Rubio penned an editorial for the Quad-City Times in Iowa. "Even one abortion is too many," Rubio says, without clarifying that he really means it: no exceptions for victims of rape or incest. So fuck you, 13 year-old who get pregnant when you were raped by your stepdad. You're having that fuckin' baby because God wants you to.

And then he offers, "We are a nation that encourages parents to dream big when they first catch a glimpse of their child in an ultrasound." And dreaming is all that the parents can do since Rubio's own "plan" to provide parental leave is bullshit. This is not to mention Rubio's desire to repeal the Affordable Care Act and defund Planned Parenthood, thus taking away the ability of many women to have healthy pregnancies and births.

Rubio says he doesn't "want to tell anybody what to do with their bodies or their lives." That's such an obvious lie in an ad where he invokes "our Creator" that it's surprising that God didn't reach down His Mighty Huge Hand and squeeze Rubio's head until it popped like a grape.