Shut the Fuck Up and Take the Money:
Really, Republican Governors Bobby Jindal of Louisiana, Mark Sanford of South Carolina, and Sarah Palin of...well, you fuckin' know? Really? You're really thinking about rejecting some of the money coming to your states in the federal stimulus? Well, not really, since the law says your legislatures can take the money without your okay. So you can huff and puff and talk about "strings attached" or what-the-fuck-ever, but in the end, you know that you're gonna shut the fuck up and take the cash, bitches.

Of course, you won't admit why you find your state budgets going down the shitter. Because to do so would mean that Republicans would have to admit that their beloved federalism is a big fuckin' failure, another rank ideological stench emanating from the Reagan era. You put more and more control of projects in the individual states, you pile ungodly debt on top of tax cuts, you toss in a few unfunded mandates (see No Child Left [with a seat for their] Behind), and that piss sound you hear is trickle down, conservatives, except it's the costs that are trickling to the states, not any largesse. Until, you know, right now.

So, sure, Bobby Jindal, you exorcisin' great Republican hope, you go ahead and say you don't want the $308 million in highway construction funds or the half a billion or so in Medicaid money or the over $400 million for education in a state more notable for its official attempts to keep its students stupid (see creationism bills over the years). Which part are you gonna tell Washington to keep? The unemployment benefits? The tax credits?

You're fuckin' adorable. You go ahead and say it all you want. Say how you wouldn't have voted for the bill if you'd still been in Congress. And then, at some point, probably after you give your cute little response to Barack Obama's speech to Congress on Tuesday, with your state's budget shortfall on the fast track to $2 billion and cuts happening everywhere, you know you're gonna have to shut the fuck up and take the money. Same goes for all of the idiot Republicans.

And don't worry. No matter if it helps a little or a lot, no one will expect you to say, "Thanks." At this point, we all know what ungrateful, selfish dicks you are. Like what the quickly crumbling Governor Sanford said this morning. Being against the bill "doesn't preclude taking the money." The thought of that $8 billion not coming to his state? Well, no one's an atheist in a foxhole, right?

Ah, the sweet, plaintive, familiar sigh of Republican hypocrisy. It echoes from the domes of DC to the state houses around the nation.