Why Rush Limbaugh Ought To Be Force-Fed His Own Liposuctioned Fat (Obama Edition):
Rush Limbaugh, a man who loves to spread barbecue sauce all over his oxycontin-shriveled, Viagra'd-semi-hard cock and balls and tell Dominican hookers to treat his meat like a "shredded pork sandwich," attacked Illinois Senator Barack Obama yesterday for two reasons. One is pure and utter let's-send-the-short-bus nonsense: that Obama is "speaking in clichés" when he says things, as he did in his announcement of an exploratory committee on running for President, like, "Politics has become so bitter and partisan, so gummed up by money and influence." Rush Limbaugh deriding someone for speaking in cliches is not unlike a child molester accusing a child kidnapper of not molesting enough.

But then, in his typical, mindboggling, fuck-how-am-I-gonna-fill-three-hours-today way, Limbaugh makes a huge deal about Obama's support of the Chicago Bears in the playoffs. Here's his rant in full since it'll be off his transcript page any minute now:

"One more thing about Barack Obama here. He says the New Orleans football season is all but over. I don't know if he realizes how insensitive his comment here, that the Saints are going nowhere in the playoffs against his Chicago Bears really is. This is a man who wants to be president. He's no longer an alderman, a state senator, or a United States senator from Illinois. He's a citizen of the world, and as such, you have to understand in his position what the United States Saints mean! They're not just the New Orleans Saints. As Gregg Easterbrook calls them, they are 'the United States Saints,' and they are playing not for championships, they are not playing for personal reward, they are playing to save and rebuild a city, not only infrastructurally, but in terms of the self-esteem.

"For Barack Obama, a -- well, he's a half minority, to come out there and not identify with and bond with the suffering victims still scattered all over the fruited plain as a result of the unfair attack by Hurricane Katrina, orchestrated by Bush, Cheney, Halliburton and FEMA; for him to callously just disbarred the Saints, knowing full well what they represent to the Democrat Party because of their ties to New Orleans and Katrina, shows an unsophisticated lack of understanding of just what his responsibility is as a Democrat presidential candidate. He said it. 'New Orleans football is all but over.' He said it. '"The Bears are going to the Super Bowl," a gleeful Obama told reporters Monday outside a church in suburban Chicago. He said, "I'm happy for New Orleans and I think it's a wonderful story for their city, but this fairy tale ends when they come to Chicago."'

"A-ha! It's a fairy tale as far as he's concerned. That means it's not even real. The Saints are not real; what they're playing for is not real! I am stunned. If Barack were really Barack Obama, do you know what Barack Obama would have done? You people think I'm kidding out there. Barack Obama would have come out for the Saints. I know you think it's just a football playoff game and he's gotta show favoritism because his home team is the Chicago Bears and so forth, but he's seeking the leadership of the free world, and Katrina and the Saints and New Orleans are a Democrat cause. But more than that, identifying with suffering and misery, starvation, thirst-ation, death, that's what the Democratic Party is all about! For him to just basically say to you people in New Orleans and your football people (raspberry) and to gleefully predict your demise, shows a parochialism on the part of this man that is somewhat curious to me, given the lofty heights and the wide horizons that he seeks.

"A true liberal Democrat here, an understanding liberal Democrat, even though he's from Illinois, would pick the Saints while saying great things about the Bears, while hoping it's their turn next time, say, 'It's really hard to pick a team here,' but he 'understands how the country can come together, with the Saints winning the Super Bowl, and pulling New Orleans out of the muck and showing what can happen when people hang together and work together and put aside their differences. They can come together and win the Super Bowl -- out of the ruins of Hurricane Katrina.'"

Oh, sweet fuckin' mercies, where to start here. Howzabout this: a) It's fuckin' sports. Obama's support of, say, you know, actual policies and money to help New Orleans and the Gulf Coast is a bit more important than rooting for one team of rich guys over another team of rich guys. b) Even if New Orleans wins the Super Bowl, that ain't gonna get the levees built stronger, houses rebuilt, crime reduced, or any other goddamn thing that might actually bring New Orleans "out of the ruins of Hurricane Katrina." c) You're allowed to root for your home team. d) It's more than a little racist to suggest that because Obama is a "half-minority" that he should root for the team that one group of black people is rooting for over a team that, you know, another group of black people is rooting for. e) Rush Limbaugh talking about what a "true liberal Democrat" is not unlike a hyena telling a gazelle where to lay down for a nap.