Bush to Europe: You're Just Adorable With Your Belief in International Cooperation:
It doesn't bear saying anymore. In fact, the comment that "George W. Bush is not a serious man" is about as self-evident as saying "Chocolate is yummy" or "A bad blow job is still hotter than a good hand job." But just like you have to have a Dove bar or a hummer that's more licking than sucking to reconfirm what you know, so must we sometimes look at the words of the man in order not to stare blankly at his incompetence, not to revel in his madness and stupidity, not to weep at his cruelty, but just to understand how very much he just doesn't care.

Bush, our goddamned President, was standing at the lectern at the brief press meet welcoming German Chancellor Angela Merkel to the White House yesterday. A reporter said to Bush, "The debate always is how can European powers influence a superpower like the United States? Whether Germany objected Iraq or Tony Blair got along in Iraq, they had not much influence, the pessimists say. Can you give us one example where you changed your mind after talking to a European leader?" It was one of those moments, like asking the man to name a mistake he made, where you got the impression of not simply a deer frozen in the headlights, but of a really retarded buck charging head-on at the glowing eyes speeding towards him.

He answered, "I have come to realize that -- I don't know if I'd call this 'change of mind,' but one thing that my European friends have taught me is that the United Nations is an important body in order to be able to convince parliaments of hard work that needs to be done. For example, getting resolutions on Iraq at the United Nations is important for a country like Denmark or Holland, in order for them to go to their parliaments and say, we have U.N. approval.

"As you probably are aware, I've really never felt like the United States needs to get United Nations approval to make decisions necessary for our security. But I have come to realize that other countries do rely upon the United Nations and I respect that a lot. So there's an area, for example, where I have been taught a lesson by my allies and friends."

You got that? Essentially, the President of the United States patted the wee Europeans on their widdle heads, in front of the Chancellor of motherfucking Germany, and said isn't it cute that they seek Mama's smiles. What Bush learned ain't that the U.N. is important, but that it's important to Europe. It's like saying to a lover that you know it's important to him that he wears a condom, but you're gonna fuck away without one.

Not enough for you to show that Bush doesn't give a fuck about anything other than himself? Merkel then answered, in a complex way, a question about the success rate of the Quartet. She finished her answer with this telling line: "I must say I am a strong believer in this multilateral effort in these international fora, because it shows clearly where the red line is to those who do not wish for democracy. And this is what we need to do, time and again make it clear to them where the limits are, where the red lines are."

Bush, not only desperately needing to get in the last word, but revoltingly undermining the Chancellor's seriousness, added, "No back rubs."

Oh, how they laughed.