Bush's Year-End Press Conference: It's the End of the Year Because the Year Has Ended:
Sweet motherfuck, let's take a gander at some of the patently obvious and blatantly bugfuck statements in this news conference:

Strangely seeming surprised that some people in the Iraq war are fighting against the United States: "The enemies of liberty responded fiercely to this advance of freedom. They carried out a deliberate strategy to foment sectarian violence between Sunnis and Shia. And over the course of the year they had success. Their success hurt our efforts to help the Iraqis rebuild their country, it set back reconciliation." So, in other words, in a war, the opposition fought back. Bastards.

Regarding the incoming Senate and House leadership: "We agreed that we've got important business to do on behalf of the American people and that we've got to work together to achieve results." So, in other words, they agreed to do their fuckin' jobs. Beautiful.

Dangerous questioning on what Bush might be planning on Iraq: "That's a dangerous hypothetical question. I'm not condemning you; you're allowed to ask anything you want." So, in other words, he won't send the reporter to Gitmo. Blissful.

History is soo 200 years ago: "[E]verybody's trying to write the history of this administration even before it's over. I'm reading about George Washington still." So, in other words, history is something that happened a long time ago, not yesterday, not three years past. Bountiful.

Goddamn, why hold a press conference if the only points you have are that one day in the future you're gonna make a speech about something that you won't talk about and that you'll work with your co-workers? George W. Bush's news conferences have become like fucking your partner of ten years: sure, you may be doing it in a hotel room in Zanzibar or in a cottage in the Hebrides or the same goddamned bedroom, but it's still the same cocks doing the same things in the same orifices. And even if you get to blow your load in his mouth, don't you feel just a little more empty each time? A little more curious about what it'd be like to bang the dude in the next hotel room, in the cottage down the coast?

Tell you what: next time, the press should bring out some sex toys, maybe some porn, to liven up the whole experience. That way David Gregory can ask about something important, like troop increases, and tickle the Commander-in-Chief's prostate with the very non-hypotetical Turbo-Charged Dimpled Vibrating Twistomatic (that ass reamer takes eight D batteries). Helen Thomas can ask about the mounting civilian casualties in Baghdad and before Bush answers, she can have him look at a DVD of Pierced-Clit Teen Gang Bang, Part 23. Why not, huh? Then at least the press and the President can pretend they still have some spark left.